


In-Between Lovers

by notsocleverwriter



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Pennywise (IT), Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Smut, IT AU, M/M, Mutual Pining, No Strings Attached, Reddie, Slow Burn, like a snail, very slow
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-31
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-04-16 08:22:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 50,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14160693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notsocleverwriter/pseuds/notsocleverwriter
Summary: Richie Tozier and Eddie Kaspbrak are different sides to the same coin. They are in a rather sticky predicament, both are hopelessly in love with their best friend. One problem, their best friends are dating. Stan and Bill seem happy and in love, flaunting their relationship for everyone to see. It just isn't fair, not one bit. So the two come to an agreement, deciding that there is no point in suffering alone. They aren't dating, no never that, it's only physical and it's only to ease their broken hearts. Nevermind that they get along so well or that their lingering touches burn their skin. No. It's just an agreement, an understanding if you will, this isn't anything more than a means of forgetting. Right?





	1. Dating is a Bitch

**Author's Note:**

> I said this was on my list of things to do, I don’t know exactly how I like it though…I’m on the fence, I guess I’ll have to see how you guys like it. Let me know if I should continue. If not, no harm, no foul. Something different for me. There would be smut, if that wasn’t blatantly obvious. Meh…

The city passed by his window in a blur, the navigation system on his phone directing him to the place he really didn’t want to go. It was like he was just going through the motions, not really allowing his mind to linger on the sinking feeling in his gut. His hands gripped on to the steering wheel, turning his knuckles white. A sad song that slowly played though his speakers, its soft melody and strong vocals began to lull him, speaking all of the feelings that he seemed to wish away. Life was hard all around, Eddie knew this but it just seemed that for him, life was a fucking disaster.

This was the third blind double date that he had been on this month, his best friend more than eager to pawn him off on someone else. It wasn’t that Bill didn’t love him, because he did, it just wasn’t the same type of love that he himself felt. Eddie had loved his best friend since they had been little kids, had worshiped the ground he walked on but no matter what he did, or how hard he tried, he was never good enough. There had been a time when Eddie had believed it better to just cut ties with Bill, unable to handle the turmoil that wrecked his insides but when he had tried, Bill had fought it, claiming that someday Eddie would find Mr. Right, that they shouldn’t just throw away their friendship because of it.

So here he was, driving to some god awful bar to meet another idiotic suitor chosen for him. If that wasn’t bad enough, Bill was going to bring his boyfriend…again. His perfect, pristine boy toy, who refused to even give Eddie a second glance. Stan’s bitterness stemmed from Eddie and Bills dysfunctional relationship, and he was sure that constantly having to go on dates with someone who was in love with your boyfriend wasn’t something on curly haired prince’s to do list.

Eddie didn’t want to hate Stan, he really didn’t but with each encounter his own jealousy began to consume him. It was Stan this and Stan that, the topic of their relationship being the only thing Bill discussed these days. Which was normal, he supposed, but the fact that Bill continued to talk to him about it, without even considering his feelings really put him in a shitty place. So he began to despise his best friend’s new love.

He arrived at the bar early, parking in the back to avoid seeing his friend arrive. There was a buzz from his phone, indicating a new text. Looking down he frowned, Bill’s name filling the top of the screen. Eddie grumbled under his breath, opening the message.

Sadie’s Bar, downtown at 7. Don’t be late.

This made him snort, rolling his eyes. Late. Eddie Kasbprak was never late, he just didn’t show when the company was bad. And the company had been bad a lot more often than not. With a huff he replied.

Got it.

I’m serious Eddie, do not blow this off. Stan brought his friend just for you, you need to be there.

“Great, I’m sure he’s a catch.” Eddie hissed to his screen, knowing full well that his bitterness wasn’t perceived. Debating his response, he chose to just not reply, knowing full well that if he did he would just end up cussing his friend out. Instead he sunk lower in his seat, leaning his head against his head rest in attempts to calm his nerves. There was at least fifteen minutes until he needed to go in, twenty if he wanted to make Bill sweat.

There was some commotion across the lot, a loud obnoxious voice booming profanity. Eddie looked up in time to catch a glimpse of Stan, his pressed clothes hanging loosely off of his long elegant limbs. He was smiling at something that Eddie couldn’t see, his hands gesturing to the bar and back to the vehicle again. Eddie knew that Bill wasn’t with him, being that his friend was meeting them straight after his shift, so the person that Mr. Stickuphisass was talking with must be the blind date. With a curious stare he waited for the man to reveal himself, doing so after what felt like forever.

Eddie nearly choked. The man was handsome, in a certain way, but what made him stick out like a sore thumb was his leather jacket and black skinnies. With a cigarette hanging form his lips, a smile curved across his face, his bottle cap glasses taking up most of the room on his forehead. His hair was like a rats nest, curls hanging lower than his earlobe. This was not Eddie’s type, the exact opposite quite frankly but that wasn’t what bothered him.

What really got under Eddie’s skin was the way he was looking at Stan. It was an expression that Eddie himself knew too well, a look of admiration and desire. It was in the way his eyes fluttered, the way he looked down when Stan caught him staring, or the way he reacted to everything the other man did. This dude was in love with Bill’s boyfriend, this smug looking dick whose eyes raked over Stan like he was a piece of meat, posed a threat to their oh so perfect relationship.

“Wow, what an asshole.” Eddie muttered, immediately realizing he was describing himself. This date and he were the same, as much as he hated the idea, he and the grungy boy had one thing in common. They were so fucking screwed. His phone vibrated, again with a message from Bill.

I’m here, Stan is in the parking lot, where are you?

For a split second he debated leaving, of starting his car and driving back home where a pint of ice-cream awaited. Maybe he could still have a good night, one ending him with rubbing one out in the shower if he was lucky. His phone buzzed.

You better fucking be here Eddie.

With a heavy sigh he shoved his phone in his pocket, waiting until Stan and the douche were inside of the bar before getting out of his car. He was not looking forward to this date.

\---

It was as bad as he had expected.

Richie, as the asshole so fondly called himself, seemed completely uninterested in him. He went to great lengths to ignore him, rolling his eyes every time Eddie spoke. God, what a waste of his time. This fucking man only stared at Stan, laughing at his stupid jokes as he leaned in as close as the table would allow. God, was he this obvious? He sure hoped not.

“So Eddie is a resident at Saint Joseph’s Hospital, isn’t that pretty cool?” Bill pressed, smiling at Eddie with pitiful effort. Even he could tell this date had already tanked.

Richie snorted, “A doctor huh? No wonder you are so stuck up.”

“Wow, and here I thought this evening would be oh so fun.” Eddie retorted sarcastically, “Man, you are such a fucking catch. How are you single?”

“Because no one can handle me.” Richie hissed, taking a swig of his whisky. “I’m a firecracker, I’d break your fragile ass.”

“Good thing I’m a doctor huh?” Eddie replied, rolling his eyes. “I’ve seen a lot of blow out anus in my time, maybe a few of your friends?” Bill choked on his drink, a rough cough beginning to rattle in his chest. Stan patted him on his back fondly, shooting Eddie a dirty look.

“You are fucking sick.” Richie bit, bearing his teeth at Eddie. “And quite frankly you are a dirty little asshole.”

“Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?”

“No but I’ve kissed yours, she’s a fucking whore and likes it when I kiss both of her lips. Just the other day I-“

“Okay!” Bill boomed, slamming his beer on the table, silencing their argument. “Okay, yeah I need a stronger drink. Do you want anything? No? Great.” He rose from his chair, swimming though the sea of people to get to the crowded bar. Stan looked over to the too, opened his mouth to spit fire but decided against it as he followed his boyfriend.

Fucking Christ Eddie wished he would have just stayed home. Family Feud reruns should be playing right about now. There was a burning sensation on his face and he knew that Richie was glaring at him with intent. “What?” He hissed, looking over to his date. “What could you possible want?”

“I want you to leave.”

Eddie laughed, actually laughed in the assholes face. “Wow, we do actually have something in common!” 

“Why are you even here if you don’t want to be, get off being Bill’s little lap dog?”

Eddie could feel his face fluster in anger, his eyes narrowing at the lanky man in disgust. “That’s funny, coming from someone who has spent the night drooling in Stan’s lap.”

“Excuse me?”

“Oh what, did you think I wouldn’t notice?” Eddie quipped, tilting his head as he took in the satisfaction of Richie’s taken aback look. “It’s as obvious as that fucking stud in your mouth. You love him. That must be why you agreed to come on this fucking date and turn around and treat me like something you found on the street. You’re trying to get into his pants.”

“How fucking dare you!” Richie snarled, his face twisting in true anger. “The only reason I came on the stupid date was because Stan is tired of you being up Bill’s ass. I’m being a good friend.”

“Oh yeah, and treating me like shit and insulting me is a good way to get on that dicks good side.”

“Don’t you dare talk about him that way.” Richie warned, pointing a finger in his face. “I’ve skinned people for saying less.”

“Yeah, you are totally not in love with him.” Eddie mocked, rolling his eyes and brushing away Richie’s dagger. “You are just like me, too fucked up to leave and too deep to not care.”

Richie’s hard exterior melted, his scowl giving way to a knowing frown. Leaning back in his chair he let out a long, exasperated breath, his fingers running themselves though his curls. He looked back at Eddie with what looked like sympathy, but what Eddie was sure was revelation. “We are both fucking screwed aren’t we?”

It was the first time Richie had spoken to him in a soft voice, the slushy comment taking him by surprise. Eddie shrugged, rubbing his face to rid himself of his riled up nerves. “Another thing we agree on.”

“I want to move on, I really do it’s just-“Richie paused, the words faltering for a second as the mummers from the people around began to grow louder as their tones grew laxer. “I’ve known him my entire life, and I don’t want to give up hope that it’ll work out some day, you know? That when push came to shove, he would pick me.”

Eddie sighed, looking back to where Bill and Stan stood, their own conversation moving between them. Stan’s hand lifted to graze Bill’s cheek, the love and admiration in the simple movement made Eddie sick to his stomach. “I get it. I really do.”

“I hate this.” Richie said, leaning his elbows on the table. “I hate suffering just because I can’t let go.” It was like he was speaking a language that only Eddie understood, a perfect reflection of himself. They were two sides to the same fucked up coin, one that was passed over for something shiner.

“Yeah well, at least we have each other.” Eddie joked, raising his neglected glass in Richie’s direction. The other man met his gesture, clinking their drinks together before taking a long, much need swig. That was when something clicked in Eddie’s head. “We have each other.” He whispered, the words lingering at the tip of his tongue, his mind drifting to very vulgar places.

“No offense dude, if it wasn’t pretty obvious by the first hour we interacted with each other, you are not my type.” Richie mocked, rolling his eyes.

“I don’t have to be.” He replied, placing his glass back on the table as he half turned to look at his date. “We can use each other.”

“You lost me.”

“Look, I don’t like you and you don’t like me but whether we like it or not, we are in the same fucking position.” Licking his lips, he remembered how many nights he had spent alone, his thoughts lingering on a certain friend that seemed to haunt him. How he had wished he had a distraction, something he could use sexually to keep his sanity in check. If he had, then his life would have been extremely better, easier actually. “How many people do you sleep with?”

Richie sputtered, his eyes widening at the blunt question. “I’m not sure how that is any of your business.” He replied harshly, scoffing at Eddie’s earnest look. “But if you must know, my sex life is alive and well.”

“Is that so?”

“No.” He snorted, “I haven’t gotten laid in forever. I can’t get past-“

“The thought of Stan. Exactly my point.” Eddie said, gesturing to their friends, who had seemingly deserted them. “I am the same way. I tried sleeping around, but every time I was reminded that I only wanted to be with Bill.”

“So what? Sleeping with each other this supposed to fix our fucked up libido?”

“No, not fix.” Eddie explained, “Just numb. I’m not talking about fixing our problem, or even helping one another to move on. I’m talking about using sex as a numbing agent, something to keep everything at bay while those two love birds continue on with their perfect relationship.”

“So you would be picturing Bill, while I picture Stan?” Richie said, a mild tone of disgust lingering in his words. “That’s-uh-that’s fucking weird.”

Honestly, Eddie’s didn’t know what he had expected, it had been a long shot. It was a good thing he didn’t care about Richie’s opinion of him, or else he might have been embarrassed. He only shrugged, brushing off the awkward glance his date was giving him. “Suite yourself, I thought it was a good idea.”

Richie started to respond but was cut off by their friend’s return, their quiet conversation ending once they got to the table. Eddie pretended to look at his phone, and Richie was in the perfect positon to see that it was empty but said nothing as his date stood. “I’ve got to go. Hospital called, they need me to cover one of the other resident’s shifts tonight.”

“What are you serious?” Bill asked, frowning. “I thought you said you had the night off.”

“Yeah well, now I don’t.” He muttered, pulling on his coat and throwing some money on the table. “It was, well I don’t think I’d say nice, but it was interesting meeting you Richie and Stan, pleasure as always.”

“Sure.” Stan replied through gritted teeth.

“Are you sure you have to go?” Bill pleaded one last time, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder, branding Eddie’s skin though his clothes. “It looked like you two were finally past biting each other’s heads off.”

“Honestly, it wasn’t going to work out.” Eddie replied, rolling his eyes. “No offense Richie but you’re not my type.”

“Like wise.” Richie replied, shaking his head.

“I really have to go but I’ll uh-text you later.” Eddie said hastily, moving away from the group. “See ya.”

“Yeah.” Bill murmured, “See you later.” With one final glance over his shoulder Eddie rushed through the door, thankful to have ended that nightmare and contemplating picking up Chinese food on his way home. Maybe he could still rub one off in the shower after all.

\---

“Yeah, it was fucking terrible.”

“Damn.” Mike said through the receiver of Eddie’s cellphone, his voice slightly shocked. “Bill said that this guy was perfect for you.”

“Yeah perfect as in in the same situation as me.” He replied harshly, flipping through random channels on his television, hoping to still catch the tail end of Family Feud. “God, he was in love with Stan! No wonder Bill though it would be a perfect match.”

“You’re kidding me.”

Eddie smiled, noticing Steve Harvey’s face as he landed on ongoing episode. “Nope. Totally head over heels, felt sorry for the guy.”

“Yeah because he’s basically you.”

“Hey now, you don’t need to be rude!” He corrected harshly, “Doesn’t matter anyway, I’ll probably never see his ugly mug again. Not that I’m complaining.”

“Probably a good thing, you two together sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.” Mike said, the sound of him chewing making Eddie’s skin crawl. “I mean, no offense but you are already a ticking time bomb.”

There was a knock on his apartment door, pulling his attention from the screen. Looking to the clock the noticed how late it was, wondering who in their right mind would have to balls to bother him past midnight. “Hey I’m gonna have to let you go, there’s someone at my door.”

“Alright man, have fun with that. I’ll see you at work tomorrow.”

“Yup, bye Mikey.” Hanging up the phone he walked towards the door, a deep annoying feeling bubbling up in his stomach. Standing on his tippy toes he looked though the peephole, his mouth dropping at the sight.

There, in front of his apartment was Richie, biting on his nails and looking down the hall. Eddie shook his head, unlocking the door to the vulgar trashmouth. A grin spread across his face as soon as they came face to face, making Eddie’s heart flutter with excitement. “Hey Eds, long time no see.”

“Okay first off,” Eddie hissed, cocking his hip to one side, “that is not my name. And second off, how in the hell did you find out where I live?”

“Fed Stan some bullshit about wanting to get your number and blah blah blah.” He made a crude gesture with his hand, one that would shame a holy woman. “Bill was there and ate it right up, gave me your address and everything.”

Eddie pursed his lips, slightly amused. “Yeah, I’m gonna have to talk to him about that.”

“I’m in.” Richie said quickly, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

“What?”

“I said I’m in. On the deal that you had at the bar? I thought about it and I’m in.”

“You’re kidding me.” Eddie asked, raising an eyebrow. “You acted disgusted when I brought it up.”

“Yeah, well that was before I had to sit through another hour of googley eyes between Stan and his boyfriend. All I wanted to do was bang my head on the table, which reminded me of you.”

“I feel insulted.”

“I don’t care.”

This made Eddie smile, a chuckle rumbling form his chest. “Alright.” He nodded, leaning back from the threshold and gesturing to his small apartment. “Come on in then.”

“Oh and there is one rule I want to set into place.” Richie said, peeling his jacket from his shoulders once Eddie had shut the door. Eddie watched him pull his shirt over his head, mildly impressed with what he saw.

“And what is that?” He asked, starting towards his bedroom with Richie on his heels. Stopping a few feet in he turned and faced what had been his blind date, gasping as Richie pushed him against the wall, pressing his hips into him. His hands were hot against Eddie’s skin, exploring under his shirt with no shame. Richie’s eyes grew dark and distant, his breath washing over Eddie’s like a title wave of lust and desire.

“Don’t fall in love with me.” Richie whispered, leaning down to bite down at the base of Eddie’s neck. This made the shorter boy whimper, his fingers moving though Richie’s hair as he pulled him close. With an eye roll and an exasperated sigh he replied,

“That is not going to be a problem.”


	2. A Shitty Wake Up Call

The bed shifted under him, forcing consciousness to slip its hands around his neck. Of course he fought it, just like he did every day, rolling over onto his belly and burying his face into the sheets. The fresh scent of clean laundry burned his nose and he immediately knew he was not at his apartment because he hasn’t washed his sheets in months. There was a small grunt form across the room, followed by the sound of running water. Richie opened one eye just in time to catch a naked figure hopping into the shower. He couldn’t stop the smirk on his face, humming in satisfaction as the nights events began to come back to him.

It had been messy and awkward at first, both of them so deprived that neither of them really had a hang of things. The first few moments were filled with sloppy kisses, weird hand movement and embarrassing noises. However once Richie had finally pinned the smaller man down to the bed, things took a turn for the better. It was like fireworks and although he would never admit it, Eddie was a pretty good lay. One of his best actually but that could be chalked up to his lack of activity in that department. As Richie came he cried out Stan’s name, following shortly after Eddie’s own orgasm. It had been what he needed and in the first time in forever, Richie woke up to a clear head.

“Hey.”

Richie looked up, noticing Eddie standing there with a towel around his waist. “Hey yourself.” He muttered back, sitting up. The feeling of the silk sheets sliding down his bare skin made him shiver. “Have a nice shower?”

“Meh.” Eddie shrugged, moving to his dresser. “You can take one if you’d like, I’m all done in there.”

“I think I’m good.” He replied, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “I like the smell of sex, I wear it like cologne.”

“That’s fucking disgusting.”

“You’re just a prune.”

“Whatever.” Eddie nipped, pulling on his boxers and dropping the towel to the carpet. “I’ve got a shift at the hospital in an hour so you need to be gone here soon.”

“Damn Eds, no breakfast in bed?” He joked, sliding his legs off the bed. “Where is your hospitality?”

“It died a long time ago along with all those other domesticated norms.” Moving to the closet Eddie pulled out a pair of green scrubs, hopping on one foot as he attempted to pull on the pants. “Just because I prefer bottom doesn’t mean I’m the woman here, you should be making me breakfast, I do make more than you.”

Richie pouted, crossing his arms with a huff. “You don’t even know what I do for a living.”

“Oh yea, and I don’t care.” There was a grin behind his snappy tone, his hand moving to his hip as he threw Richie his pants. “Get dressed, I don’t have all day.”

Standing from the bed Richie obeyed the command, smelling Eddie’s lingering musk on his skin. Looking over he watched the shirtless man stroll across the room to his mirror, his fingers already playing with his wet hair. Richie smiled, his eyes sliding down to the marks that he had left along the Eddies porcelain skin, painting masterpieces down his neck and body. “You look like a leopard.” He jeered, buttoning his jeans. “I did a pretty good job if I do say so yourself.”

“Yeah thanks, now I have to talk to patients with fucking hickeys on my neck. Very professional.”

“You weren’t complaining when I was giving them to you.” This made the tips of Eddie’s ears blush, giving Richie a sense of satisfaction. In a girlish voice he mocked, “Oh Richie, harder. Oh Richie right there. Please don’t stop Rich-“

“I’m pretty sure I wasn’t saying your name numbnuts.” Eddie corrected, pulling on his shirt and finally completing his look. “And just fucking kill me if I ever do.”

“Oh you will be, just wait Eds.”

“That is not my name.” Eddie growled, his lips turning up into a snarl. “And get the fuck out of my house, trash pickup is in twenty minutes.”

“Ohhhh.” Richie cooed playfully, “Eds gets off a good one!” There was blackness following his taunt, his shirt now covering his face after Eddie had threw at to him rather harshly. This only made Richie laugh even harder.

\---

By the time he made it to work, he was practically floating on air. It was that after sex glow that seemed to follow him, colors were brighter, people more beautiful, it seemed that everything was in a haze of perfection. A song was on the tip of his tongue as he entered KWCH’s doors, nodding to the receptionist who greeted him. People spoke to him and he answered in a light, friendly tone that was uncommon for him this early in the morning. He ignored the questioning stares and pushed towards his shared office, stopping by for a cup of coffee in the kitchen along the way.

Beverly had her feet on top of her desk, her combat boots scuffing up the wood while her skirt rode up her thigh. She was immersed in their set up, thumbing through the paperwork aimlessly, grimacing every now and then when she found something she disagreed with. Twirling the pen between her fingers she looked up as Richie entered, immediately dropping into the correct position as a smile grew. “Jesus fucking Christ, is that a hickey?”

Richie raised an eyebrow in confusion, his hand moving to his neck where he found a tender spot that had gone unnoticed until then. He chuckled, placing his cup on his desk and plopping down into his chair. There was a burning on his face and he knew that Beverly was waiting for him to conform his blemish. “Yeah, I guess it is.” Shrugging he picked up his own set from where it sat, flipping through the first few pages.

“So I’m taking that the date went well last night?” She hummed, scooting closer to where he sat.

“Oh god no.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, that guy was totally a fucking asshole. Stan was right, he was so far up Bill’s ass he could use him like a puppet.” Richie replied, amusement interlacing itself in his description. “It was so disgusting.”

Beverly snorted, “Oh yeah coming from the guy who dropped a hot date just to help Stan out. It’s like your describing yourself.”

“Hey now-“

“If it went bad then who gave you that?” She asked, pointing to his neck. “And don’t tell me it is from a curling iron because I’ve used that excuse before.”

“It’s from the same guy.”

"What the fuck?”

Richie sighed, leaning back in his chair and kicking Beverly’s seat so that she rolled away from him. There was some kind of protest that he ignored. “It’s a long, very dirty, story. You don’t want to hear about it.”

“Oh but I do!” She sang, spinning around as she clapped her hands together like a child. “Spill the beans Tozier, tell me all about the mystery man and why you fucked him even after your date tanked.”

“Well while Stan was getting a drink with his oh so perfect boy toy, Eddie-“

“So his name is Eddie.”

“Yes, shut up.” He snapped, shooting her a dirty look. “Eddie pointed out that we are exactly in the same situation, fawning after someone we can’t have. After admitting that I had a thing for Stan he offered a proposition and one thing lead to another, blah blah blah. The next thing I know I’m at his apartment fucking him into the mattress.”

Beverly blinked. “Wow.”

“Yeah.”

“So what? Your friends with benefits now?” She pressed, “Because I’ve done that and it only ends one way.”

“We are not friends, trust me.” Richie nipped, rolling his eyes. “It’s just a way to numb everything, a way to get off without attaching ourselves with someone that we don’t want to be with.” It was like he was begging for her approval, watching her face rise and fall with his explanation. He could practically hear the wheels turn in her head. “We screw, I think of Stan and he thinks of Bill and we leave happier than we were before. No strings attached.”

“I don’t-“Beverly closed her eyes, her forehead creasing in thought. “That sounds even worse than friends with benefits.”

Richie felt his heart sink, “Wow, thanks for your support.”

“You know I don’t judge Rich.” She said, looking at him with concerned eyes. “But isn’t this like putting a ban aid on a bigger problem? This isn’t going to stop you from loving Stan, and it isn’t going to break him and Bill up so why-“

“Because I don’t know what else to do okay?” He growled, his mood officially spoiled. “Honestly, if I knew how to drop my feelings I would but until I figure it out I’m going to use Eddie. It’s all I have.”

"Woah, chill out.” Beverly said, frowning. “I wasn’t attacking you, I was just trying to-“

“You two are on in ten minutes.” Someone muttered from the door, anther intern that Richie hadn’t bothered learning his name. His bright eyes held theirs for a moment before moving from the door way, practically skipping down the hall. For whatever reason, this made the Richie inexplicably angry.

Beverly sighed, standing from her chair. “Let’s just put a pin in this, we’ve got work to do.”

“Yeah sure.”

\----

The cafeteria in the hospital was filled with employees, doctors with their noses in the air and nurses with a scowl permanently etched into their faces. This wasn’t a place for friends, it was a war zone between departments and if they had weapons, Eddie was sure the body count would be up pile up instantly. He had successfully avoided showing off his branded neck, using his stethoscope to hide the majority of his markings. Only a few nurses noticed, one being his very determined friend how had somehow found him hiding in the dreaded battle field.

“There you are.” Mike scorned, taking a seat across from his friend. “I have a bone to pick with you.”

“I’m all good on bones, thanks.”

“Eddie.” He nipped, this is serious. “You look like someone attacked you! When we talked last you were answering your door, fuck did a let a robber suck on your neck or what?”

This made him roll his eyes, taking a bite from the bland food on his plate. “I got laid last night okay? What does it matter?”

“Just tell me who it was. I mean I have never seen you with a hickey before and now they are all down your neck and I’m assuming in other places too.”

A pink tint danced across Eddie’s cheeks, his head hanging low as he played with the food on his tray. The PC’s music cut to a girlish voice, her bright and enthusiastic tone nearly making Eddie vomit right there. “You’re listening to KWCH’s lunch hour blast! If you don’t already know, my name is J Embers and I’m here with Trashmouth and we have another amazing set of songs coming up so just hang tight and don’t touch that dial!”

“I hate this radio show.” Eddie grumbled, “I mean who willingly calls themselves trash?”

“You are getting off topic.”

“Ugh okay.” He muttered, defeated. “Richie showed up at my doorstep last night.”

“So you slept with him?”

"Well yeah but it’s more complicated than that.” His dropped his fork to his plate with a clatter, taking in a deep breath as Mike’s eyes bore into his skin. “I kinda made a deal with him? He is so head over heels for Stan and you know I love Bill, I thought of an idea that would help us both out.”

“Oh god.”

“It’s a no strings attached type of thing. We sleep with each other so that it’s easier to function loving someone who doesn’t give you the time of the day. It’s a numbing agent, a way to keep our sanity.” He could practically feel Mike’s disapproval, making his stomach churn. “I thought it was a good idea.” There was a shrug at the end, his shoulders attempting to get rid of the weight that now pressed down on him.

“That is a terrible idea. Remember how your friends with benefits fiasco ended last time?” His words cut deep, forcing pint up emotions to seep form Eddie’s fresh wounds. “Or do I have to remind you?”

“But we aren’t even friends.” Eddie corrected, trying to hide the hurt look on his face. “And besides, this was probably a onetime thing. We didn’t exactly discuss a continuation.”

“Look.” Mike whispered, leaning his elbows atop the steel table. “I just don’t want to see you hurt okay? I know what happened with Bill and how much pain you were in, you deserve so much better Eddie.”

“Mike, I-“

“Oh my god.” A voice choked from behind, forcing the two to look up from their moment. There standing just behind Eddie was the reason for this entire thing, his business attire clashing with the sea of scrubs. One hand gripped onto a plastic bag while the other moved to cover his beautiful mouth. “What the fuck happened to your neck.”

“Bill?” Eddie forced, “What are you doing here? I thought you were in the office all day?”

“I felt bad for how things went last night and thought I’d bring you-I can’t stand looking at those things.” Bill said, shaking his head and sitting beside Mike, who shifted uncomfortably in his presence. “You look like a fucking leopard.”

“Not the first time I’ve heard that today.” For whatever reason there was shame in his tone, his eyes down casting to his tray. “It’s not that bad.”

“Not that bad?” Bill jeered, “I don’t think you’ve ever even had a hickey before! Now look at you.”

Eddie muttered something under his breath, and it seemed that only Mike had made it out because he turned towards their new guest, clearing his throat. “Your friend Richie stopped by last night, and they partook in things adults typically do. You know about sex don’t you Bill?”

Mike shared a glance with Eddie, a playful smirk tugging at the corner of his lips before he continued. “As a nurse I advise that being sexually frustrated can cause much unneeded stress and Eddie was just trying to keep healthy.”

Bill looked at his friend with skepticism, glancing back to Eddie who had slid further down the chair. “So are you two like a thing now?” The question was dripping with sarcastic over tone, pulling at Eddie’s sanity. “I thought he wasn’t your type.”

“He isn’t.” Eddie managed to squeak, ashamed that his best friend had this type of effect on him, making him feel like a lesser man in his presence. “And we aren’t a thing.”

“So you just slept with him? That isn’t like you. I knew he was trouble the moment I saw him, I told Stan that he wasn’t going to be any good for you but he insisted that-“

“I came on to him.” Eddie cut, unable to hear Richie’s name be dragged through the mud. “I used him for sex and you know what? He was good, maybe the best I’ve ever had.” Mike started laughing at the look of horror that covered Bill’s face. The two stared at one another, their nurse friend basking in amusement.

“That was unnecessary.” Bill finally hissed, “And pretty god damn rude if I might add.”

“You aren’t my boyfriend okay?” Eddie replied, puffing up with a sudden air of confidence that he didn’t know he had. “I can fuck whoever I want, do whatever I want and you have to support me because that’s what friends do. If you don’t then find someone else to talk to.”

“I just want you to be happy.”

“And Richie can’t do that for me? Can’t satisfy me because he isn’t you?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“You didn’t have to.” Eddie hissed, a new feeling growing in his belly as he confronted the man who had insisted on flaunting his new relationship in his face for the past year. “Is it perfect? No. Are we going to fall in love and live happily ever after? No fucking way. But guess what? If I want to sleep with someone, no strings attached, then I’m going to. I’m not a child anymore.”

“Well then.” Bill muttered, gathering his previous gift and standing from his seat. “Aright, but I’m warning you. Richie isn’t any good for you, so don’t come crying to me when it blows up in your face.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” The shorter man growled, trying to ignore the guilt that started at the base of his spine and ran along his vertebrates. It was an unnerving feeling, one that he rarely felt but as he looked into his friends disappointed face there was also a sense of satisfaction that interlaced itself with it as well.

Bill left in a huff, muttering profanity the entire way. It wasn’t until he was gone that Mike began his praise, fawning over Eddie’s sudden ability to stand up for himself. “Yeah but it doesn’t matter anyway.” The doctor replied regrettably, “I have no way to contact him, we most likely won’t ever see each-“His phone buzzed in his pocket, making him pause his pitiful explanation. It was from a number that he didn’t recognize, but opened it regardless. As he read it a familiar heat returned to his lower abdomen, one that he was both ashamed and proud of.

I was thinking of continuing our deal. Same time tonight?

“It’s Richie isn’t it?” Mike cooed, leaning over the table to look at the text. His grin ran wild, drumming his fingers along the table. “I take back everything I said. I support you screwing this dude because god damn, his timing is amazing.”

The radio show contained to play in the background, the two voices shooting insults back and forth in-between sets. It was fun and light hearted, their dynamic sparking thought the speakers. Neither Eddie nor Mike were paying any attention but if they were they would have picked up on what was currently being discussed. The male’s voice deep and humorous as his words dripped with truth.

“All I’m saying is I’m seeing Doctor Sexy tonight and I’m really looking forward to it. Just wait, this is the start of something new and it’s exactly what I need.”


	3. The Things Easier Being Left Unsaid

There was a slight pinch in his back as it hit the wall, his mouth opening to cry out a protest only to be cut short by a pair of lips that connected to his. His breath hitched in the back of his throat, the feeling of a tongue along his bottom lip making him moan rather loudly. This excited his lover, and as hands began to roam the heat began to build until it was almost too unbearable. Quickly things began to be removed, first his shirt and then his pants. A trail of clothes followed them into the bedroom where his knees hit the mattress, and before he could process another thought, strong hands were pressing against his chest, forcing him down.

His body bounced slightly and his arms reached up to pull his lover down with him. Richie obeyed, moving past his lips and planting heated kisses into the crevice of his neck. Eddie whimpered when he bit down, hard, sucking vigorously at the tender flesh. “N-No.” He managed to choke, pulling on the taller man’s shoulders. “No more where people can see.”

Richie lifted his head and looked at him, his eyes dark and devious. “Alright princess, don’t get your panties into a bunch.” He whispered, a playful smirk tugging at the corners of his lips. Eddie scowled, unamused. “Oh did I hurt your feelings?”

“Oh blow me asshole.” He snarled, bearing his teeth.

This made Richie’s smile grow tremendously. Licking his lips he dropped to his knees, spreading Eddie’s legs slightly to fit himself between them. His fingertips trailed down his stomach, creating patterns on his tanned stomach. It was like electric sparks dancing wherever he touched, awakening something that lived just under the cells. Eddie shivered, looking up and giving his lover a confused look. Richie winked before aggressively grabbing hold of Eddie’s member and taking him into his mouth, almost all the way to the hilt.

“F-Fuck.” Eddie groaned, throwing his head back into the sheets. His hands went to Richie’s head, pulling at his hair in a desperate attempt for more. He could feel himself getting harder, overly enjoying the warmth that engulfed him. “Christ, that feels good.”

It had been ages since someone had given this kind of attention, sure there had been a few messy hand jobs, a few more dirty and shameful make out sessions and even one time he had went so far as to allow someone to fuck him in the alleyway behind a bar. It been at the lowest point, when he had realized that he was going to die alone. No one had ever given him the satisfaction that Bill had, and back when they were sleeping together his best friend had been careful and loving, each touch calculated and planned. It had been his senior year of college, and since Eddie had started just before he turned seventeen, Bill was two years behind. They had claimed it was a one time thing, but once turned into twice, and twice into a six month long affair. Maybe that was when Eddie had known he was done for, laying on his dorm room floor, completely entangled with Bill, crying as he whispered things that never saw the light of day. He knew he deserved better than what he had been given, but he was so head over heels that he didn’t care. He took what he could, and in the end it had been his down fall.

Richie’s touch on the other hand was quick and lustful, heated and unexpected. It was a sense of satisfaction that he had never experienced and he loved it all the same. This is what he needed, a mind blowing release. “Oh god.” Eddie whimpered, watching from the corner of his eye as Richie bobbed between his legs, his tongue flickering on his tip ever so often, sending shockwaves through his body. He could see Richie’s other hand palming himself through his boxers, as if desperate for his own friction. There was a split second where he felt bad, that the focus solely laid on him but that thought died as Richie shoved him deeper into his mouth.

What dripped past his lips was a something so sinful that it would make the devil blush. He could feel Richie hum around him, making his entire body vibrate with satisfaction. There was burning sensation in his lower abdomen, a coil tightening just below his belly button. Respectfully he pushed against Richie’s shoulder, indicating that he was about to finish but that seemed to only make him more determined, shoving him so deep that his nose was flush against his stomach.

Eddie came with a deep and raspy moan, shooting his load into the back of Richie’s throat. Surprisingly, the idiot swallowed, sucking a little longer than needed. He grimaced as he watched Richie pull off of him, licking his lips in a very disgusting manner. “You know I didn’t mean to literally blow me, doing that only made you that much more of a asshole.”

“The way your were moaning makes you a little bitch.” Richie snorted back, crawling back up his body. It took not time for Eddie to shove his hand down to meet Richie’s hard cock, grabbing hold of it and savoring the gasp that slipped past his lovers gritted teeth. He rutted into Eddie’s palm, gripping on to his shoulders, his nails digging deep into his sin. Cursing, he picked up his pace, desperately chasing his own orgasm.

“Oh god, oh god Stan.” Richie whimpered, cumming all over Eddie’s hand and chest. His body shuttered, his breathing labored and shallow, this best friends name repeating itself in the back of his throat.. Leaning his head against Eddie, he shut his eyes in a attempt to envision the man he loved rather than the shorter figure under him.

“Whose a little bitch now?” Eddie nipped, shoving the weight off of him and standing. “What are you in highschool?”

“Oh fuck you.” Richie muttered, rolling across the bed and not caring if he ruined the sheets with his left overs.

The short man stopped short of the bathroom, shooting a playful look back to him. “Na, I think I’m good.”

\---

It was nearing three in the morning by the time Richie made it back to his apartment, his feet dragging along the floor. The key slid into the lock, letting him into his home for the first time in two days. Once the door opened he was met with the dim glow of the front room television, the volume turned down. a nameless sitcom playing on the screen. Biting back a groan he closed the door, praying that his roommate had fallen asleep on the couch and wouldn’t notice his late arrival.

Tiptoeing towards his bedroom he was stopped by a curious voice, “Is that you Rich?”

“Yeah, it’s me.” He replied, closing his eyes and sighing. “I’m surprised your up, don’t you have work tomorrow?”

“Don’t you?”

“Touche.”

His roommate stood from the couch, his loose pajama bottoms hanging off of his hips in a way that made Richie’s mouth water. He must have been sleeping at some point because his hair was matted to one side, his body stretching as a yawn vibrated in his chest. The way his shirt rose just above his navel made Richie want to die right there. “You didn’t show up last night so I was wondering if you were dead in a dumpster somewhere. I even checked the news.”

“Very funny Stanley.” Richie retorted with an eye roll. “Like you watch the news.”

Stan chuckled, the noise like bells in Richie’s ears. “Ya your right, I’m more of a newspaper man myself.” He smiled up at his friend, his contagious grin making Richie grow one of his own.

“Yeah well good night then.” Richie muttered, taking a few quick steps towards his room.

“I heard a rumor about you today.” Stan continued, rubbing the back of his head halting Richie’s progress.

“Is that so?” He asked, raising a interested brow. “Something dirty I hope.”

Stan laughed. “Yeah, something pretty dirty.”

“Oh now I’ve got to know.” Richie jeered, feeling his heart skip a beat as his friend closed the gap between them, leaning against the back of the couch that was only a few feet away. “I’m all ears.”

“I heard you were screwing Eddie.”

Richie choked, his stomach hitting their carpet floor with an audible thud. He debated lying, of telling Stan that it was all bull shit becaue, like they had established at the bar, Eddie was not his type. The again, what was the point? Stan was the entire reason he was sleeping around, the reason he couldn’t even look at anyone the same way he looked at him. Why would he care if he was screwing him? Did he care? Richie secretly hoped he did. “Who told you that?” He managed though his gaping lips.

“Bill.” Stan shrugged, “Apparently he went to bring Eddie some lunch at work yesterday,” the words were sneered, hatred and annoyance dripping like venom in the air, “and he was covered in hickeys. Bill confronted him and he said that he slept with you, Bill said that they got into a pretty heated argument over it because he disapproves and for the first time ever, that doctor douche told Bill to back off. Which totally surprised me because he basically lives up Bill’s ass.”

“Huh.” Richie muttered, slightly taken aback by Eddie’s stern take on their agreement. “Yeah, I mean we are screwing but it’s nothing like a relationship or-”

“I think it’s awesome.” Stan cut, taking his friend by surprise.

“What?”

“I said I think it’s awesome.” He repeated, smirking at Richie’s blank look. “Honestly, this is a win win for us. Eddie and Bill are now currently in a fight, let’s hope it continues, and you are getting laid. I mean use that kid for all he’s got, I’m just glad you’re finally getting some because honestly your dry spell was getting a little concerning.”

“I don’t know what to say.” And he didn’t because this was not what he was expecting. Honestly he didn’t know what to expect but praise was the last thing on the list. “Thank you?” Why was he thanking him? Richie wondered when he had lost his backbone, and where exactly Stan had buried it.

“Yeah sure.” He muttered back, running his nimble fingers through his mess of curls making Richie wish it was his hands instead. “Like I said, a win win for both of us.” Richie nodded his head, keeping his eyes on his roommate as he walked past him, patting him on the shoulder. “Go to bed Rich, and take a shower because you stink.”

“It’s the smell of after sex, I wear it like a badge of honor.” The words were sour in his mouth, burning his tongue as they passed. It was less than twenty four hours ago that he had said the same thing to Eddie, only now the confession seemed disgusting and shameful. 

“That’s gross.” Stan joked, walking to his room.

Richie took in a deep breath, trying to calm his racing mind. “Prune.” He forced, hearing Stan laugh before his door clicked shut. Cursing he went to his own room, closing the door and nearly collapsing on the spot. He wasn’t sure exactly why he was crying but it felt right and as the tears trailed down his cheeks he wondered if he was ever going to find someone who he loved as much as the boy sleeping less than ten feet away.

Probably not.

\---

Eddie awoke to an empty bed and cold sheets. His alarm blaring loudly in his left ear, telling him that he was already running late. Groaning, he forced himself through his daily motions, showering, brushing his teeth and getting dressed much faster than the day before. With his fresh scrubs on he took a moment to strip his bed, remembering that Richie’s dick ass had rubbed his cum all over in the night before out of spite. He knew he wouldn’t be able to wash it until he got home but the thought of it seeping into his mattress made his skin crawl.

There was a light humm that came from his chest, it’s happy tune surprising him as he headed towards his front door. Getting laid two nights in a row made him high and he planned on riding it out for as long as he could. With his shoes on and keys in hand he opened the door, the sight before him sobering him up quicker than a splash of cold water.

“Bill?” He choked, staring at his friends awkward stance. “What in the hell are you doing here?”

The tall man smiled, “I uh-brought you coffee.” He muttered, shoving a styrofoam cup into Eddie’s hands. “Caramel latte with no whip, your favorite.”

“Okay?” Eddie eyed his friend, unconvinced. Shaking his head he closed his front door, locking in quickly before turning back to Bill. “Is there a reason you’re at my apartment at oh….” Looking at his watch he cursed. “Seven fifteen….god damn it I’m late.”

Bill quickly followed him as he trudged down the hall, close on his heels. Eddie could practically hear the wheels in his head turning, the lingering tension growing between them as they piled into the cramped elevator. They didn’t look at one another, and Eddie prefered it that way. He was still pretty fumed about the other day and wasn’t sure if he was prepared to forget about their augment just yet.

“I wanted to say that I was sorry.” Bill blurted, his gaze everywhere but his friend.

“You’re sorry?”

“Yeah, about the other day.” He sighed, rubbing the lines along his cheeks. “You were right, I was out of line and I should have supported you rather than shamed you.”

The entire thing sounded forced, and more importantly, fake. Bill didn’t mean a word and Eddie knew this but also knew that there was no way in hell he could stay angry if his friend was at least trying. It was like Bill had his own gravitational force, pulling him into his orbit where Eddie was sure he would suffocate. With a sigh he rubbed the bridge of his nose, “Yeah okay, I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have snapped.”

“Well it’s like Stan said,” Eddie felt like he was going to puke on the elevator floor, “being angry does nothing. It’s better to forgive and forget than let anger eat us up inside.”

“What is Stan a philosopher now?”

“Hey, be nice.” Bill warned, making Eddie grind his teeth. “I know he can be crude sometimes but Stan does care about you okay? He was pretty upset when I told him about our argument.”

Eddie scoffed, stepping through the now opened doors. “You know, somehow I doubt all that.”

“Eddie-”

“Does he know you’re here?” He cut, heading out into the sidewalk with an annoyed huff, “Did you tell your boy toy know that you were coming to give me your seal of approval for fucking his best friend.”

Bill blushed, the pink tint making his face that much beautiful and Eddie wondered if he would ever get over the sight. “No. I-uh didn’t mention it to him.”

“Look.” The Eddie muttered, stopping a few steps outside of his complex. “I may not like your boyfriend but I do not approve of you lying to him. It’s not right. I know he doesn’t like me and yes, it’s true, but the last thing I want is to cause problems between you two.”

“I’m not lying I’m-”

“Not telling the entire truth?” This made Bill chuckle, washing away whatever hatred that had been left over in Eddie’s system. God, he was so perfect. So utterly perfect that Eddie wanted to do nothing more than shout it from all of the rooftops in New York. Smiling he added, “Thank you for the coffee, now I do need to get to work. I’ll see you later yeah?”

“Yeah.” Bill replied nodding, “Yeah okay I’ll catch you later on in the week. We will do dinner.”

Eddie nodded, watching the love of his life turn heel and head back down the other way. He didn’t move until he was out of sight, swallowed by the sea of people hurrying off to their own jobs. The sun was still low in the sky, the morning welcoming an all new day that Eddie was sure would be filled with paperwork, annoyed looks and sad clients. His heart was heavy but his soul was light, although he wasn’t sure when he would see Richie next, he hoped it was soon because god damn.

He needed it.


	4. The Bite on the Bullet

Although the bar was loud, it still wasn’t enough to drown out the high pitched voice beside him. Nonsense dripped from her lips, falling onto the table with poor grammar and even worse lingo. She was pretty enough, her tight top and short skirt leaving very little to the imagination but it was her immaturity that began to gnaw at his sanity. In retrospect the moment he met her at the station he should have known, the way she fawned over him was a immediate red flag. Gold digger didn’t even begin to describe her, even Beverly couldn’t stand being around the girl for long. Still he asked her out, and still he followed though. Interns were known for being good lays, on break from college and looking to mingle with any big shot and Richie had imagined how beautiful she would look under him. God, he regretted it all.

“So how long have you been on the air?”

“Uh-” Richie hummed, taking a swig of his beer. “Well Bev and I started on the overnight show about four years ago. We didn’t make our actual debu as J Embers and Trashmouth until last summer.”

“Oh that’s so rad.” He cringed, feeling her fingers toy with the collar of his jacket. “So you’re like the big money makers for the station huh?”

“I guess but we don’t really do it for the money. I know it’s cliche but we really like doing it for the fun of it. It’s like working with your best friend every day.”

“Oh my gosh, that would be amazing. My best friend is shelby and she-” Richie tuned her out as another rant began, her mouth moving a mile a minute. He wasn’t sure when he outgrew college girls but it was apparent that even though they were technically only five years apart, they were worlds away. The last of his drink made it past his tongue, making him feel bare without a scapegoat. He eyed her moving lips wondering if she even gave blow jobs with that perfectly applied lipstick.

“I’m going to go for another drink.” He muttered, gesturing to his pale ale. “Do you want something?” Although miserable, he was always polite on dates, even if he wanted to jump through a glass window beside him.

“Yes please, cosmo. Dirty.”

The way she said dity made him shiver. It had been almost a year since someone had been down to screw with him, not including his current agreement. Eddie didn’t count in this scenario, they didn’t date, or really talk whatsoever really, minus their usual banter. He would text midday, during his show usually and later on that night they would meet up at his place and fuck. Simple as that. No fuss, no feelings, no nothing. Honestly, it had been the best two month of his sexual lifespan, Eddie truly was a good lay.

Making it up to the counter he gestured to the bartender, asking for what he needed. Tapping his fingers along the wood he wondered if taking this girl was even worth the trouble. Probably not. There was a familiar laugh coming from behind him, followed by a strangers voice. His head snapped just in time to catch Eddie and another man press against the bar, waving down the tender. Richie’s eyes widened, surprised to see him outside of their heated moments. It was like seeing Santa outside of the mall, a true anomaly. He wore casual attire, a pair of dark jeans and a blue polo, his hair and features soft against the dim lighting. It was his friend who noticed him staring, nudging Eddie’s shoulder and whispering in his ear when things got a little uncomfortable.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Eddie said glancing over to where he sat, a playful and sudden smirk growing on his lips. “Well you’re not wrong Mike, a weirdo was staring at us.”

“I’m just surprised you actually exist outside of your bedroom is all.” Richie retorted with a scoff, loving the disgusted look Eddies face. “I mean, the last time I saw you in clothes that I wasn’t ripping off was-”

“Yeah okay, gross.” The other man nipped, rolling his eyes. “This is the guy you’re screwing? He doesn’t look like your type.”

“He’s not.” Eddie replied, shrugging. “I just use him for his dick.”

“Aww, I’m flattered.” Richie said dramatically, tilting his head affectionately. “I knew we had something in common.”

The guy named Mike rolled his eyes, his nose turning up as if he had smelt something sour. Richie’s drinks were sat in front of him, the girly drink standing out next to his beer. It wasn’t typical for Richie to be seen with such things and he felt his face fluster in embarrassment. Eddie raised his eyebrows, licking his lips and opening his mouth to spit an insult, only to be cut short by the weight that pressed against Richie’s shoulder. It took all Richie had not to groan.

“What’s taking you so long Richie? I’m bored.” The girl that Richie had momentarily forgot about whined, stomping her foot like a child. He could feel a blush tint his cheeks, Eddie’s gaze widening at her sudden appearance. The two men took a once over on his date, taking in her attire. “Oh, I didn’t know you we were meeting your friends.”

Richie scoffed, his words sliping before he could catch them. “They aren’t my friends.”

“Thank god.” Mike said under his breath, earning a smile from his friend.

“Well introduce me.” The girl whined, tugging on his arm. “Don’t be rude.”

“Right, wouldn’t want that.” He muttered, suppressing an eye roll. “Uh Candy this is Eddie and his friend….I think it was Mick?”

“Mike.” Eddie corrected coldly, “His name is Mike, not Mick.”

“So nice to meet you two!” Candy cheered, bouncing on the balls of her feet. Surprisingly she pulled Eddie’s small frame into a hug, making the shorter man stiffen. His eyes met Richie’s, begging for help which he refused to give. When attempting to repeat the action to her next victim, Mike held up his hands in a defensive move. This did little to nothing to stop her, taking him into her open arms. Richie suppressed a chuckle. “So do you guys work with Richie?”

“No.” Eddie replied, “We actually work at Saint Joseph’s Hospital.”

“Oh are you guys nurses?” She asked, sounding like a fascinated child. “That’s so like, amazing. It’s cool that you two are so attuned with their feminine side, so confident in your sexuality that they can take up a mantel that was created especially for woman.” Richie wanted to pound his head into the counter, his dates voice playing like a skipping record in his ears. Eddie looked like he was going to burst from amuesment, bititng his bottom lip to keep from laughing out loud.

“Actually Eddie is a doctor, I’m a nuse.” Mike corrected, “But thank you? I think?”

Candy dropped her hold on Richie, her eyes sparking with what could only be described in a change of course. Taking a step towards the shorter man, she cocked her hip seductively, placing a firm hand on the exposed skin that her shirt had created as it rode up her tanned skin. “A doctor huh? That’s cool.”

Eddie shrugged, glancing over to Richie with an astonished look. “Yeah, it kinda is.”

“What do you say you and me get out of her? I bet a cutie like you can show a girl a good time.” Her voice strung between them, and Richie’s face twisted in annoyance. It was a low blow, even if he had no intentions of calling Candy again, it was pretty shitty for her to just throw herself at Eddie. “Maybe we can go back to your office, show me where you do all your medical stuff.”

Candy reached out to him, playing with the fabric of her polo. Eddie took a step back, now laughing and shaking his head. “Yeah I don’t think so.”

There was a small swell in Richie’s chest, one that seemed to be misplaced. He wasn’t sure why , but hearing Eddie turn down his cock hungry date make him giddy. Candy frowned, sticking her lip out. “Why not? Are you married or something?”

“No, I’m gay.”

“Oh….ohhh.” The girl sang, taking a long stride backwards. “I didn’t-uh-you don’t look like-”

“I don’t look like I like to screw men?” Eddie jeered, his tone light and charming. “I wish I could say the same thing to you honey.” The last bit of his statement left his mouth in a typical gay stereotype, mocking her own words in a way that pleased every fiber in Richie’s being.

Candy gasped, her jaw dropping. “How dare you?”

“I tell it like it is sweetheat. Sorry not sorry.” Oh god, if Richie could die right now, he would die happy. Eddie mimicked her previous stance, looking gaier than before. “I mean come on, jumping on my dick like that just because I have a M.D.? It’s a sure fire way to set up a good career in being a mistress.”

“Richie!” Candy shrieked, her fingers biting at his arm. “Are you going to let him talk to me like that?” 

“Well he isn’t wrong.” Richie answered, shrugging. “I mean you did just ditch me for him when you thought you could get into his pants.”

“WELL FUCK BOTH OF YOU!” She yelled, storming off, her voice carrying throughout the bar earning the three men a few dirty glances. With a huff and a few more curses Richie’s date exited, taking with it his chance of scoring. Never had he been happier to see a date bomb.

“I’d say sorry for ruining you date but I’m not.”

Okay, maybe he was lying. There had been one date that had ended equally as bad and he was even more grateful. Richie looked up to Eddie, smiling cheekily. His heart skipped a beat when the the other man laughed, picking up his drink and paying for it in one fluid motion. “You were right Mike, it was fun to get out.”

“This wasn’t exactly what I had in mind honestly.” His friend replied grabbing his own liquor. “Although it was entertaining.”

The two moved away from the bar, engrossing themselves in their own conversation. Richie watched them leave, following with his eyes till they settled at a far booth. He debated on just leaving and just calling it a night. His date had bombed, his off handed lover had fought for his honor and now he was sitting alone in a crowded bar with blue balls. This had been one for books. With his dick leading him, he grabbed hold of his beer and strode over to where the Eddie and Mike were. Honestly, he had no idea what the fuck he was doing but found that he couldn’t stop.

Eddie looked up from his drink, eyeing Richie where he stood. “What?” He nipped, leaning back against the cushion. “If you came to ruin my date, I’m inclined to inform you that Mike is straight.”

“Actually I was thinking that you owed me, you know because you cocked blocked me?”

“Please, if it had went her way, I would be the one getting laid tonight.” Eddie replied, a shit eating smile growing on his face. “Great taste by the way, what couldn’t get someone with a IQ higher than yours?”

Mike snorted, covering his mouth as a little bit of drink dribbled down his chin. Ignoring this, Richie slid into the booth, a excitable feeling awakening in his stomach. “I actually have a very high IQ, thank you very much. Was the valedictorian of my class.”

“Oh take me now.” Eddie mocked.

“Seriously, ask Stan. He was pissed when I beat him out for it and I wasn’t even trying.” Stroking his own ego he placed his elbows on the table, a smug look now taking over his features. “I bet you can’t say the same.”

Eddie sipped his drink, winching as it went down. “No I can’t.”

“See? I knew you were-”

“I finished high school when I was sixteen.” He cut, “So technically I was not eligible,”

“God damn it.” Richie growled, not bothering to hide his rude gesture that he instantly made with his hands. “I really hate you.”

“And yet you sit before me.” The words were not as rude as they tended to be, but it was more of questionable statement. Mike half nodded in agreement, both of them staring at Richie with a lingering question between them.

Why in the hell was he here?

That, truly, he didn’t know. Even after everything he found himself seeking comfort in those around him. Eddie hadn’t said one kind thing to him throughout their entire sharade and yet he was closer to knowing the real him, more than any other person. It was like the mask he wore came off because he didn’t care what Eddie thought of him. It was easy, comfortable and he would never, ever fucking admit it. 

“I think you owe me a drink at least.” Richie blurted, gesturing over to the bar. “I was going to score with that girl if you wouldn’t have shown up.”

“If anything you owe us a drink.” Mike defended, surprising the trashmouth. “Two, that chick dumbed this entire evening down. We were having a nice time and now poor Eddie here has to imagine what sleeping with that girl would have been like!”

Richie smirked, “I bet she was a screamer.”

“That’s gross.” The short man protested, “And Mike is right, you owe us drinks.”

“Ugh fine!” He groaned in defeat, “I’ll get you your dinks if you just shut up about it.” The two others nodded, a silent agreement reached with little resistance. It wasn’t like he even cared really, it was a cheap price to pay for an evening of entertainment and as he made his way to the bar he was surprised that there was a slight hop in his step. Maybe this wasn’t such a wasted date after all.

After ordering a whisky sour and scotch on the rocks he carried them back to the table, a light hum coming from the back of his throat. All that came crashing down when he noticed the new body that stood beside the booth, his back turned to him. Richie cursed, knowing exactly who it was before he even saw the face.

“Bill!” He forced in a cheerful tone, trying not to sound too disappointed. “You and Stan come to join our little party?”

The Denborugh boy toy looked over to him with a surprised look, his mouth turning into a scowl. “Richie? What are you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same thing.” He sang, handing over the others their drinks and sliding into the booth beside Eddie. “I thought Stan had to work tonight?”

“He does.” Bill bit, staggering a little when Richie’s arm slid around Eddie’s tiny waist He wasn’t sure why he did it, knowing that he would be bitched out about the entire thing later. There was a memory of his, one the included Stan going on and on about how much his boyfriend hated that he was fucking his best friend. Sometimes it was fun to play dirty. “I came here to hang out with my friends.”

“Oh cool, have a seat! We were just talking about screamers.” Eddie shifted uncomfortably in his arms making him hold on tighter. “Are you the screamer or is Stan? I always thought the more girlier man as the screamer, at least that’s from personal experience. Eddie here has quite the set of lungs. I mean just the other night he-”

“Can I talk to you?” Bill cut shooting his friend a stern look. “Outside?”

Eddie nodded shly, pushing against Richie’s touch until he let him out. The two left, heading right outside of the bar. Once Richie slid back into the booth he looked over, watching them from the side window. It started out slow, Bill speaking slowly and calmly, the words not needing to be heard to get the gist of his subject. Once Eddie replied, it all went down quickly. Their voices rose and fell, their arms motioning to the bar as they spoke. It was like a train wreck, and he couldn’t look away.

“I fucking hate when Bill pulls this shit.”

“What?” Richie sputtered, forgetting for a moment that he wasn’t alone. Mike looked frustrated, his hands gripping onto his drink with harshly. “What do you mean?”

“It’s like he thinks he can control him. Every time Eddie does something that he doesn’t like, it’s a huge deal. He refuses to just let him live his own life, keeps him in arms length even though he has Stan. It’s fucking bullshit and Eddie deserves better.”

“I-” There as a pull in his chest, his eyes casting downwards to the space between them. Things weren’t as they seemed, and he knew this but the fact that Bill fought so desperately against Eddie’s freedom awoke something inside of him. Sympathy? Acknowledgment maybe? He wasn’t sure but whatever it was ate at his insides like acid. “Why doesn’t he just drop Bill? If he is being controlled then why-”

Mike sighed, “He tried. When Bill and Stan started dating he tried to distant himself, out of respect but Bill reeled him back in and Eddie let him.”

“Why did he-”

“You know why.” Mike finished, knowing the question instantly. “The same reason you’re still living with Stan.”

“That’s different.” Richie defended, the burning of Mike’s unamused glaze burning his skin. “We were roommates and friends before-”

“They were friends before too, lovers even. Sometimes you hang onto things because change is scary, especially change involving unrequited love. It’s easier to live in a fantasy rather than face reality.”

Richie had so many questions but they would go unanswered because at that moment Eddie returned, his face flushed and eyes round. He was alone. “Bill’s not going to join us.” His tone was deep and particular, falling the floor with it’s weighted meaning. “He’s decided to head home.”

“Fuck him.” Richie spat, looking back to Mike who nodded. “His loss, I’m a hoot.”

“Yeah whatever.” Eddie muttered, sitting back into the booth. He looked so sad, so disconnected that Richie wanted to lean over and touch him but fought against it. Looking up to Mike it seemed he had the same thought, leaning forward to place a gentle hand atop of Eddie’s smaller one.

“You okay?” Mike asked gently.

“I’m fine.” Eddie replied harshly, adjusting himself on the bench.

His friend frowned, looking down at his glass. “You sure? We can go, I don’t mind.”

“No. I want to stay and drink.”

Richie felt helpless, not to mention guilty. His face twisted, praying for the sinking feeling in his stomach would disappear. “Eddie, I think you should-”

“You don’t get to dictate what I do Richie.” He barked his response, his eyes sharp and dangerous. “Now you can stay with us and drink or you can leave. That’s up to you.”

“Uh.” He hummed, looking between Eddie’s stone gaze and Mike’s concerned one. Maybe he should just leave because honestly he was stepping over a line here and was sure that once he settled, there was not going back. It wasn’t falling exactly, more like staggering vertically. This wasn’t what he had signed up for, this was not a part of the relationship that he wanted to share with Eddie but the more he sat, the more he knew.

He was going to stay.

“I’ll get us more drinks, I owe you another one.” Richie finally managed, scooting out of his spot. “Don’t want this party to get dry.

“Okay.” Eddie breathed, rubbing his face. “Yeah okay, get me something stronger this time.”

“Like what?”

“Dealers choice.”


	5. Loose Lips and Heavy Hearts

The air around him was suffocating. His throat burned as liquor was poured down it making him wince in pain. Usually by now he would be too numb to care but his mind was swimming with his best friends words. All he wanted to do was drown down Bill’s ringing voice, his harsh and true accusations that buried themselves into his skin. He wanted more, more drinks, more mind killing conversation, more more more. Anything to help him keep afloat in the sea of a shitty life. It wasn’t like him to get shit faced, and yet here he was with his fifth shot.

Mike stopped over an hour ago and Eddie was pretty sure Richie hadn’t even had a second beer. Why they stopped and allowed him to keep on going was beyond him, but Eddie couldn’t find the strength to care. Maybe they knew what he needed more than they let on. General conversation lagged, and if it wasn’t for the big mouth next to him silence would have engulfed them long ago.

“I knew you sounded familiar.” Mike said, pointing a finger in Richie’s direction. “Your show is played in our hospital lunchroom. Didn’t know we were hanging around someone famous.”

“I am not famous.” Richie corrected, scoffing. “We are still low on the totem pole but our ratings are pretty good so the stations lets us talk about whatever we want, which is nice.”

“I bet.” Mike agreed, the corners of his lips tugging upward. “Does that make Eddie Doctor Sexy?” 

Eddie glanced sideways just in time to catch Richie’s face turn a light shade of pink, his body shifting in his seat. This made a giddy feeling rush though Eddie’s chest, his own smirk crossing his face. Richie coughed awkwardly, “I-uh I’ve never heard of Doctor Sexy, you sure you’re listening to our show?”

“Oh I’m sure.” Mike mused, his tone dancing between them. “Ha, and to think just last week Eddie was complaining about how much he hated your show!”

“Really?” Richie asked, raising a brow in Eddie’s direction. “You hate the show?”

Eddie thought he sounded almost disappointed, sad even. His heart skipped a beat, his intoxication making his voice slur as he choked out a defensive response. “It’s y-your name. Trashmouth? I mean why do you call y-yourself that?” Biting the inside of his cheek he tried to think clearly before continuing, “I like J Embers, and your bit about first world problems is funny but I can’t get over your overly sexualation with everything you talk about.”

“Okay first off Trashmouth was my childhood nickname.” Richie said, shrugging slightly. “And I don’t over sexualize everything!”

“I listened to you talk about that Ashley Madison website and how much y-you loved-” The words were choked back by a hiccup, his small fingers moving to cover his mouth.

“Okay that was one thing!” He nipped, “You just don’t listen to us enough. I guarantee we are a class act.”

Eddie hummed, suppressing the urge to roll his eyes. “Maybe, I don’t know. I guess you’re right, I haven’t really g-given your show a chance.” The moment the slurred words left his mouth, Richie beamed. This made Eddie’s heart swell, his chest vibrating with an amused laugh. His world was spinning but with Richie by his side he was surprisingly grounded. 

“Okay I think you’ve had enough to drink.” Mike cut sharply, grabbing the last remaining shot from in front of him. “Eddie Kaspbrak does not admit defeat that quickly. I think we’ve past the point of no return.”

“No!” Eddie protested, his body swaying slightly as he tried to get his drink back. “No, I wanna keep drinking.”

“It’s time I take you home.”

“Mikey, don’t be a bummer. We are having a good time!”

“Eddie, stop being a child.” Mike hissed, his protective tone surprising the other two. “If you don’t quit drinking now you will regret it tomorrow, actually I’m already sure you are going to regret all of this tomorrow.”

“Fine.” He pouted, huffing in annoyance. There was a burning in his stomach, an anger that was misplaced. Sobering up meant facing reality, and that was the last thing he wanted right now. Bill’s stern voice played like a broken record in his brain. Over and over the conversation was repeated itself, his scorching frustration and embarrassment lingering under his skin. It wasn’t like Eddie to hold onto meaningless words, but when he did, it slowly ate him alive.

Richie looked as if he was going to say something, his mouth gaping open awkwardly as he stared at Eddie’s defeated face. However, whatever was at the tip of his tongue was silenced by Mike’s vibrating phone. His friend unlocked the screen, frowning at the message. Curiosity won out, and since Eddie had little to no self control over his vocal cords he blurted, “Who dat?”

“My mom. Misti went into labor.”

“Oh god, that’s so amazing!” Eddie squealed, “Your going to have a niece! Uncle Mikey, awww I can imagine it n-now!”

“Shit.” Mike replied, rubbing the bridge of his nose in annoyance. “I’ve got to go to the hospital.” His eyes flickered to Eddie’s bright face, scanning him for any sense of sobriety. There was, of course, none. “I’ll just have to take you home first. Misti will have to wait.”

“I can take him.” Richie spoke up, surprising Eddie’s clouded mind. “You should be there for your sister and it’s not like I don’t know where he lives.”

Mike eyed the man, the corners of his mouth tugging downward. “I don’t know, I really don’t know you and Eddie is pretty fucking wasted.”

“What do you think will happen?”

“Honestly?”

“Really? You think that little of me?” Richie scoffed, making Eddie flinch subconsciously at the suggestive subject. Although he didn’t know Richie all that well, he did know that there was no threat of anything unwanted or forced happening to him.

Mentally Eddie scorned himself for not speaking up, or defending his lover but something must have clicked in Mikes mind because he sighed, looking down at his buzzing phone for a split second before snapping back to the two across from him. “Fine, but I’ll be checking up on him in the morning so just keep that in mind.”

“Hooray.” Richie replied in a sarcastic tone, rolling his eyes.

Mike grumbled under his breath, shoving his phone into his pocket. “Eddie, I’ll call you tomorrow? If you need anything just ring me up okay?”

“S’fine.” Eddie slurred, waving in his friends direction. “I trust Richie, you d-don’t have to worry. I’m in good hands.” The words dripped from his tongue, making his skin crawl at the realization of what was said. Trust? He trusted the asshole beside him? Since when? Richie shifted in his seat, an uncomfortable silence stringing between them. “Uhhh, that came out funny.”

“Good luck with that.” Mike muttered, half smirking as he slid from the booth.

Just like that, there were now two. Eddie opened his mouth to say something but immediately realized that he no longer had any faith in himself, thus snapping his jaw shut. Leaning across the table he stole the shot that had been taken and downed it. The vodka burned but felt better than the push of his emotions. He hissed, shaking his head and clearing his flooded train of thought.

“Okay drunkie, let’s go.” Richie said, an amused grin growing on his face, his eyes watching Eddie’s movements. “I hear your bed calling you.”

Eddie’s inchearent reply only made himself laugh, his body struggling to stand from his booth. Richie grabbed hold of his upper arm, supporting the majority of his weight. They headed towards the doors, the voices around them blending together into one loud buzz. Once outside, Eddie was met with a chilly breeze that lightly caressing his cheeks. He let out a long and exasperated breath, thankful for the collness on his hot skin. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to bring back some of his dulled senses. Silence lingered between them as they crossed the parking lot, Richie’s red pickup coming into view.

“Nice truck.” Eddie blurted, staggering slightly..

“Yeah thanks.” Richie replied with a slight pinch.

“No, really. I always wanted a truck.” He said, his tone light and honest. “Bill talked me out of it when we were in college, told me it was impractical for my size.”

Richie’s nose scrunched up on itself, making him look confused. There was a question that Eddie could see bubbling in his lovers eyes, something out of character and beyond their limits. Oddly enough, he welcomed it. He wanted him to ask it, to press the subject and be forced to admit everything in his head but it never came, instead the passenger door opened with a bit of umph.

“Thanks.” Eddie muttered, jumping into the raised seat. The slam of the car door made him jump, the noise ringing in his ears. Richie walked around the hood, his head shaking as he spoke noiseless words. When he finally sat in the driver’s seat he was quiet, turning the key and breathing life into the engine.

There was nothing said the entire ride. At some point Eddie leaned his head against the window, the cold temperature making him feel slightly better than before. His mind still wondered, shifting between his conversation with Bill and his night spent with Richie and Mike. He didn’t understand why things were the way they were. Why did he feel so guilty for seeking comfort in physical contact. It was normal, hell even recommended and there he had been, being scorned like a three year old outside of a bar. Eddie wasn’t sure if he deserved the hole in his heart, or the sinking feeling in his stomach.

Maybe he did.

Eddie hadn’t realize they had made it to his apartment complex, the truck dieing under Richie’s touch. There was burning on his cheek, a heated gaze that wore his walls down. Looking up he met Richie’s auburn eyes, suddenly aware that he had been completely zoned until this point. Clearing his throat, Eddie broke the tension. “Thanks for the ride. I appreciate it.”

“I’ll walk you to your door. You haven’t been the most coordinated tonight.”

“No. It’s fi-” The rest of his statement was killed by Richie’s door closing shut, forcing him to accept the company.

The trip to his door was worse than the car ride. It wasn’t silence this time, it was tension. Each step echoed under their feet, the empty hallway offering nothing to help the deafening silence. Eddie led the way, swaying slightly with each step. He could practically feel Richie’s presence, his pressing and observant eyes watching his every move. HIs door appeared before them, it’s numbers mocking Eddie’s entire night. Opening the door he was met with a wave of regret, knowing that once he fell asleep, the drunken viel that protected him would be broken.

Eddie didn’t turn his lover away when he walked into the apartment, didn’t say anything when he lazily strolled around the front room, looking around as if he this was his first time there. Ignoring the light whistle that followed him, Eddie threw himself onto the couch with a heavy goran. The company wasn’t unwelcome but it was rather concerning. The room began to fade away, darkness tugging at the corners of the small man’s vision just as Richie sat down beside him.

“Hey Eds?”

“That’s nuh-not my name.” Eddie replied, his head lulling against his shoulders.

This made Richie smirk. “It’s a nickname.”

“Eddie is already a nickname.”

“Can I ask you something?” Richie whispered, looking down at his hands. When Eddie hummed in response, he must of took it as a yes because he continued, “What did Bill say to you?”

“You don’t want to know.”

“I kinda do.” He defended.

Eddie’s mind was dulled and his defenses disabled, that was the only reason why he was unable to stop the words from spilling onto his carpet, his emotions interlacing itself with his tone. “He said I was being an idiot, that I was refusing to wake up and face my own shit. He hates that we are what we are, and he said that I mean nothing to you and when you decide you are done, I’m going to be worse than before.”

“Well damn.” Richie muttered, rubbing the back of his head. “I mean that’s pretty fucking harsh.”

Eddie’s shrugged. “What’s new. Small defenseless Eddie making poor life choices. It’s the same shit different day.” Richie didn’t respond, not that there was anything to respond with. A bit of self worth died at the tip of Eddie’s fingers, withering under his guilt. “Can I ask you something?” He found himself saying, his lips moving without his permission.

“I guess.”

Gulping down the lump in his throat, and digging down deep inside of himself he managed his drunken question. “Do you hate me?”

“What?” Richie whispered, an astonished look crossing his face. “Why would you ask that?”

“I know how I am Richie. I’m loud and rude and hopelessly lost.” Eddie whispered, feeling himself falling into the empty void that was sleep. There wasn’t much time left before he passed out, his body relaxing into the cushions of his couch. “And it’s fine if you do, this agreement has nothing to do with our feelings but I just needed to know if you hated me like Bill said. I need to know what I’m getting myself into before I make a total fool of myself.”

There wasn’t any response, not for a long time. Eddie was sure that Richie had left, ducking out to avoid such a intimate question. If he was honest, he wouldn’t be surprised if he was despised. With sex this good he didn’t expect anything else and if he hadn’t spoken to Bill he would have lived to live in the sweet fantasy that he had created for them. Now, however, there was a gnawing in his chest, an indescribable need to be liked pressing against his sanity. It wasn’t love that he needed, or even affection but acceptance.

“I don’t hate you Eddie.” Richie replied so softly that it was almost lost along the way. “If things were different, if we were different than maybe things would have been easier. You are worth more than you know, and you shouldn’t let Bill dictate how you live your life.”

“But I love him.” He whined, exhaustion now forcing itself onto him. “I want him to love me too. I want to be loved, is that so wrong?”

“No.” Richie muttered, “Of course it isn’t.”

Sleep finally won, sending Eddie deep into his dreams. Richie watched him slip away, taking in his soft features.Gently he pulled a fleece blanket from the arm of the chair and covered the small man, fighting the urge to move a stray strand of hair from boyish face. He had meant what he had said, if things were different, if he was different than maybe they could have been something but as the night came to a close and Riche saw himself out he realized one very important thing.

They could never be more than this.

And that was the tragedy of it all.


	6. Bloody Encounters

Eddie had never been one for goodbyes.

When his father had died, he was never given the chance to give him a deep, whole hearted farewell being that the cancer had taken his mind months before. His mother, who had been overbearing his entire life, to a point that severely fucked him up his mental state, hadn’t said it to him when he had walked out of his childhood home at the age of sixteen. The first lover he ever had, a boy by the name of Nick Stiles, hadn’t even bothered to look at him as he slammed the door shut on his way out of their shared dorm. There had only been one instance of goodbye his entire existence and that had been the night Bill had broken it off. It had been filled with tears and broken promises, with his heart bleeding out onto the carpet as it laid in front of Bill, presenting itself to him as a empty offering.

The send off had been bitter sweet, with a gentle kiss and a sincere apology Bill had left him there to crumble into nothing. It hurt more than his father’s withering body as it lay on the hospital bed, his lips moving as delirium settled in. It hurt more than his mothers screaming voice calling after him as he carried a bag of meaningless nick nacks over his right shoulder. It hurt more than Nick’s homophobic slur, his venom cursing what they had just done as if it had been the greatest sin of all. Yes, it seemed that to Eddie, goodbyes were more painful than a fading relationship, slipping out of his life until they only remained in his nightmares.

That was why when Richie had cut ties, he had accepted it. Eddie didn’t bother to text or call, didn’t make any effort in asking what he had said that drunken night over three weeks ago. He let it go, let it disappear in his rear view mirror. It was eaiser this way and although it stung, it was better than ripping himself apart with a goodbye.

“Eddie. Earth to Eddie….you alive over there?”

He blinked, bringing him back to the bench outside of the hospital, Mike’s concerned face staring at him with intent. “Huh?” Clearing his throat he apologized, muttering something about lack of sleep and stressful patients. This must have worked because his friend shook his head, divulging into his conversation once again.

“So Peyton smiled the other day, when I went over to see her. God, she is the most adorable thing ever and she looks so much like Misti.” Mike beamed, pride and devotion coming from him like rays from the sun. Eddie couldn’t help but be a little jealous, the past few weeks had been ground breaking for his friend while he lay in his empty bed watching reruns of Family Feud. Maybe he was lonley, or just horney but it seemed that the nights were blurring into one. “You’ve gotta see her again Eddie, she is getting so big, I mean like fat. That girl eats non stop.”

“Just like Uncle Mikey.” He jeered, smirking at his friends bright eyes. “An empty void for food.”

“Hardyharhaar.” Mike laughed, leaning back in his chair and wiping his lips. “How are you doing huh? I mean ever since Peyton was born you’ve been kinda off the radar. Even Bill thinks you’re starting to get a little distant.”

Eddie shrugged. “I’m fine.” He lied, keeping the bubble of emotion from coming up through his windpipe. “Thinking about maybe moving to a bigger apartment or finding a house in the suburbs. I don’t know, my place has been seeming kind of suffocating lately.”

Suffocating, that was a way to put it.

“That sounds…” Mike started but trailed off, his lips forming a thin line as he stared at his friends fake smile. “Unlike you.” The sound of Eddie’s heart sinking was deafening, “You love your apartment, love your neighbors and even brag about how close it is to your job. What is this really about?”

“I told you-”

“Yeah I know what you told me.” He cut, waving off Eddie’s astonished face. “How long have we been friends? What like ten years, since your first day in college? You think you can fool me kid?”

The day had been especially beautiful up until then, the sun had been bright and welcoming, the blue sky like a sign of good health. Ever since the moment he had stepped out of his apartment door, Eddie had felt especially content. The loneliness had been pushed aside, but now as Mike pressed it clawed at his chest. “What do you want me to say here? I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I’m just a little lost.”

“Lost?”

“Yeah, lost. It’s hard to explain.” This wasn’t how he expected the day to progress, honestly he had wanted to finish his shift and pick up some chinese on his way home. In bed by nine, asleep by ten. The american dream, right? “I feel weird, and a little off. I can’t get comfortable, can’t stop moving. I just-ugh, I’m unsatisfied with how things are going.”

“Is it because BIll asked Stan to move in with him?” Eddie’s eyes snapped up to his, his heart sinking further into his seat. There was an apologetic look that followed, but the damage had been done. The grim reminder that the man he loved was not only happy, but taking the next step with the love of his life left a terrible taste in his mouth. Everyone was supposed to be happy for them, and that included Eddie but he couldn’t bring himself to feel glee for his best friend. Mike sighed, “I know your hung up on Bill, but you can’t let him affect you like-”

“It’s not that.” Eddie muttered, shaking his head. “It sucks, yeah but that’s not why I’m so fucked up.”

Mike hummed, tapping his finger on the table. Whatever was on his mind must be conflicting, because his face switched between emotions so quickly that Eddie couldn’t keep track. Finally he decided on his words, speaking them carefully and clearly. “Is it because Richie hasn’t called you?”

This made Eddie scoff, “Seriously? That’s the next logical step?”

“I mean it coincides with your mood, and you two were pretty off the charts when you left the bar. Maybe you miss him, you miss his company, is that so strange?”

“Uh yes.” His response burned his throat, the underlying truth that he had refused to recognize making it hard to breath. “We were fuck buddies Mike. You really think I’m hung up on a guy because he was a good lay?”

“No I think you are hung up on him because you liked him.”

The laughter that followed bumbled in Eddie’s chest, shaking his body as his deep and amused chuckles mocked his friends statement. “Did you hit your head or did becoming an Uncle make you suddenly a romantically blind? I do not like Richie. He is a loud, obnoxious asshole who I had a fling with and that’s it. No feelings, that was the agreement.”

“I’m not saying you loved him okay, or even liked him in that kind of way.” Mike cut harshly, his lip curling up in annoyance. “I’m saying that you enjoyed his company, maybe it was because he was just as fucked up as you or maybe it was because he was the first lover to actually treat you like a human being. Either way, I think you enjoyed the company and when he ghosted you out, it hurt.”

Eddie didn’t answer because, if he was honest, he couldn’t. There was nothing to say, no way to argue. He had began this agreement for release, for the mind numbing effect it had on him. Somewhere along the line he had become accustomed to the bickering, to the touching, to the attention. All the things he wanted from the lover but couldn’t have and he had become comfortable. It wasn’t love, fuck no, and it wasn’t infatuation but rather friendship. Richie had become his friend and now that he was gone, the mantle set empty and that was what had him suddenly anxious and aloof. No matter how much he wished it away, or how much he prayed to wake up forgetting everything he was never given the satisfaction.

“It’s okay you know.” Mike whispered after a bout of silence. “It’s okay to feel, to want to feel Eddie. I can’t remember a time when you had been so happy, when you had stood up for yourself with such passion. Fuck, you told Bill of in broad daylight!” Eddie smirked at the memory, opening his mouth but being cut off. “Richie changed you, and I know what your going to say but it’s the truth. Even though he’s gone, your still here and you should keep the momentum going. Get a boyfriend, or a boat or something. Be Eddie for once, not a puppet.”

There was a distant laughter that caught Eddie’s attention, a couple playing near the water fountain. Concern and fear began to consume him, realizing that he hadn’t even noticed a change in his life until it was gone. For the first time in his life, he was truly and utterly misguided.

“What if I don’t know who Eddie is anymore?” He whispered, watching the happy lovers rather than his friend. Mike sighed, following his gaze until they were watching a surprise proposal unfold before them. It was beautiful, and magical and totally not what Eddie needed to see. The cherry on top, an ultimate reminder of what he could never have.

“Then you’re just going to have to figure that out.” Mike replied.

\---

The radio station was in a lull. People walked around aimlessly, speaking to one another about their scripted weekend. Mondays were always like this, and no matter how hard he tried, Richie couldn’t partake in the meaningless jibber jabber. Hiding out in his office he scrolled through his phone, looking at old messages and debated deleting the number all together. He had decided to cut off Eddie, forgoing the contact completely. It was the right thing to do, the only logical step. Things had gotten too out of hand, and this way nobody got hurt.

Right?”

“Richie Tozier, are you avoiding your coworkers?”

Looking up he caught his friends smile and was helpless to return it. Her cheery and bright optimism brightened up the gloomy room, making Richie shift in his chair. “Ya caught me copper.” He replied, holding up his hands in defeat. “I didn’t want to play into their little game.”

Beverly raised a brow. “Game?”

“You know,” he mused, waving his hand in a small circle. “The whole my weekend was better, look at these pictures of my perfect family. Blah blah blah.”

“Ah, you mean the dick measuring contest.” Nodding she sat at her desk, tossing her bag on the already cluttered surface. “Surprisingly, I’m the winner of that today.”

“Is that so?” He asked, playing right into her hand. Dramatically she rubbed her left hand across her cheek, exposing the rock on her ring finger. Richie gaped, letting out a embarrassingly girly shrek, jumping from his seat and grabbing her palm. “Oh my fucking god. Look at that thing!”

“I know right? He popped the question this weekend, take that Mike from accounting.” She was raidating with glee and Richie wanted to be happy but he couldn’t. The past three weeks had been hell and now one of his best friends was taking the ultimate step forward while he tumbled backwards? Fuck. That hurt.

So he did what he did best. He faked it.

“That is so amazing Bevvie! I can’t believe it!” Richie gushed, pulling her into a firm hug. Her arms around him branded him, marking him like the pathetic fool he was. Still he held on, knowing her happiness was all that mattered right now. “Ben is finally making you a honest woman!”

“I know right, took him long enough.” Her joking tone was light and fun, making Richie cringe internally. “We have to celebrate! Oh, do you still have that bottle of jack that boss man gave you for christmas?”

“It’s like nine in the morning.”

“So?”

Richie blinked, slightly taken aback. “Yeah, fuck it.” Shrugging he went to his desk, opening his bottom drawer and pulling out the bottle and two glasses. “A celebration it is!”

Pouring their dinks Richie handed his friend hers, smiling at her smug look. They clinked glasses before tilting their head back and pouring the toxic liquid down the hatch. Both of them hissed, clenching their teeth from the bitterness. “Fuck, that’s some good shit.” Beverly choked, slamming her glass onto the counter. Laughing, Richie followed suit, his glass hitting the corner his desk and shattering from the force. Glass shards sprayed across the office floor, littering the shitty carpet. There was a pain in Richie’s palm, making him jump back in surprise.

“Shit!” He yelled, clutching his hand as warm blood began to seep from the gash. Before he had time to even curse again Beverly was on him, ripping his arm from his chest. “Ow, owowow that hurts!” Richie complained, trying to pull from her strong grasp.

“That’s deep Rich.” She muttered, ignoring his cries of pain. “You’re gonna need stitches.”

The room suddenly dropped ten degrees, a chill slipping down Richie’s spine. “I’m fine.” He forced, taking a long stride away from where he had stood. “I can patch it up, it’s fine okay?”

“No, not okay.” Beverly protested, grabbing her bag with a huff. “You’re bleeding all over yourself, you have to go to the emergency room.”

“Beverly I can’t-”

“I know you don’t like needles but you have to get patched up. Put on your big boy panites and let’s go.” Her tone was harsh and quick, leaving no room for argument. This reminded him of when they had been in college and he had stupidly fallen from a second story building. Only this time, he knew someone who could help.

“Take me to Saint Joseph’s.”

\---

“I’m sorry sir but I can’t call a doctor down here just because-”

“I know him, just tell him who I am and I’m sure he will-”

“No, and I’m not going to tell you again.” The nurse hissed from behind the counter, her annoyed voice echoing around the emergency room. “Now take a seat, we have other patients to tend to and will call you when it’s your turn.”

“Ma’am, I’m sure you’re just doing your job but can you please just page him or whatever?” Beverly asked politely, placing a gently and comforting hand on her shaking friend. “I know it’s a hassle but I’m sure once the doctor gets down here he can explain-”

“What is with you two? Do you not understand what no means?” The woman barked, slamming her palms onto the counter. “Sit down and wait your turn.”

Beverly’s jaw tightened, the vein just above her temple began to pulsate. Knowing what was coming next, Richie took a step back, not wanting to get in the crossfire. “Listen here bitch, you’re going to get on that phone and your going to call-”

“Is that a threat?” The nurse aksed, furrowing her brows. “Are you threatening a registered nurse in a hospital?”

“Beverly just drop it.” Richie whispered, tugging on her sleeve. “I can see the doctor down here. Forget about-”

“No.” Beverly sneered, obviously done with everyones shit. “No, fuck that! We came here to see him and I’ll be damned if my engagement hype is ruined by some snarky nurse who has her panites in a fucking bunch!”

“Security!” The healthcare professional yelled, motioning across the room. “Securi-”

“Richie?” A low voice called from behind them. Turning around the trashmouth let out a ragged breath, chuckling at the man before him.

“Mike! Jesus, you are a sight for sore eyes!” He half yelled, “Thank god you showed up, you wouldn’t believe the service here!”

“Do you know these two Hanlon?” The nurse asked, her face softening as Mike approved the desk, handing over a clipboard. Richie would have to ask him later how he did that.

“Yeah, I’ve got them Sue. Sorry for the trouble.” He whispered smoothy, smiling down at the blushing lady. Shooting one last dirty look to Beverly, the nurse stood and walked behind the curtain. Mike sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “So is there a reason you’re here, bleeding on the floor and yelling at the staff?

“I cut my hand.”

“I can see that.” Mike quipped, rolling his eyes. “What are you doing at this hospital? And if you tell me it was the closest, that you were hanging around the upper east side mid-Monday, I’d have to call bullshit on you.”

Richie bounced on the balls of his feet, suddenly feeling lightheaded as his blood soaked through the thin bandage on his hand. “Okay yeah, so it wasn’t the closest but I kinda have a thing with needles.”

“And that matters because?”

“I came to see Eddie.” He confessed, mustering up a sheepish smile. Mike’s eyes widened, the corners of his mouth tugging downward. This made Richie’s stomach sink, “I know what your going to say and-”

“Oh trust me, you don’t know what I’m going to say.” Mike cut, shaking his head. There was a tense moment between them, the heated gaze almost becoming too much for the timid and shameful man. Finally it ended when Mike muttered, “But luckily for you, I have a soft spot for children.”

“Hey I’m not a child!”

“You’re scared of needles.”

“Plenty of adults are scared of needles!”

“Richie!” Beverly hissed, slapping him on the back of his head. “For fucks sake, stop arguing. He’s helping us out here, if he wants to call you a kid then just let him!”

“Right, sorry.” Richie cursed, scrunching up his face in annoyance. “Can you please help us? This really hurts and I’m not good with blood.”

“Yeah, okay. Follow me.”

Mike lead them towards the back, past the nurses station and into a stretch of rooms. There was no conversation, no words uttered as the light mummers from the other rooms seemed to follow. It all was too much for Richie. Everything was white, white walls and white fluorescent lights. White, white, white. Fuck, he hated hospitals. Hated everything about them. Maybe it was because it was where he had watched his mother perish from liver failure, or maybe it was because he had spent two weeks in one after a rather brutal beating from his father. Nonetheless, being here made him feel sick.

Stopping at one of the empty rooms, Mike gestured inside mumbling a command to stay there while he calls Eddie. Beverly was first through, followed by Richie. Before he had time to thank him, Mike was gone. “Well he seemed to love you.” Bev grumbled, sitting down in one of the chairs against the wall.

“Yeah, well to be fair, I’m irresistible.”

“Seriously, what did you do to him?” She pressed, crossing her legs. “Eddie I mean. You haven’t talked about him in weeks. Lovers quarrel perhaps?”

“Eddie and I aren’t, uh-doing that anymore.”

Beverly leaned forward, a surprised look dancing across her face. “What happened? I thought he was the best sex you’ve ever had.”

“Yeah well, sometimes shit gets messy.”

“What did you do? Fuck his best friend or something?” This made Richie scoff, nearly vomiting in disgust. “Okay, then what? Did you catch feelings for him?”

Richie remained silent, looking down at his feet. He opened his mouth to say something, then closed it, then repeated the same. Did he catch feelings? No, of course not. Eddie just got too drunk and said some things that violated their agreement. They needed a break, a clean break and that was what he gave them.

“Okay, so what does this famous Eddie look like?” Beverly cooed, a knowing smile crossing tugging at her facial features. “I picture him as fat. Is that wrong? Fat and short, like an umpa lumpa.”

“Beverly, he’s not-”

“Oh god, is he bald? That would be icing on the cake here. It’d explain why you refused to show me a picture. All the best lays are embarrassing to look at, so he had to be the ugliest thing to walk on-”

“No I’m not fat or bald.” A sharp voice answered, breaking the conversation. Both of them looked up, noticing the doctor standing in the doorway. “I never really saw myself as handsome but I don’t really think I’m embarrassing to look at either.”

“Oh my god” Beverly said in a high pitched tone. “You are drop dead gorgeous.”

“I don’t really see myself as that either.” He replied, smirking up at the red head. “Hi, I’m Eddie Kaspbrak, I don’t think we’ve met.”

“Beverly Marsh.” They shook hands and Richie could see the excitement seeping from his friend. It was like two separate worlds colliding, the comisic reaction crashing into him, making him shiver. “I work with Richie, and happen to be one of his closest friends.”

“I apologize for both of those things.” Eddie retorted, making Beverly chuckle happily. Looking back to where Richie sat, he added. “So what happened here? Cut yourself while stroking your ego?”

“No.” Richie nipped, tyring desperately to supress the swell in his chest. “It was glass thank you very much.”

“Hmmm.” Eddie raised his eyebrows, sitting on his rolling chair and scooting closer to Richie. “Damn, that doesn’t give me near the satisfaction.” Gently he pulled Richie’s injured hand to him, unwrapping the soiled bandages with a frown. It was so simple and yet the spark that shot up Richie’s arm was almost life threatening. “That’s pretty deep, you’ll need stitches.”

This made Richie gulp, his body reacting as he tried to pull away. “Hey now.” The doctor cooed, gripping onto his wrist firmly. “Mike said you had a thing about needles but not fixing this now can lead to bigger problems.”

“But I-”

“Relax.” Eddie whispered softly, meeting his gaze. “I’ve got you, there it nothing to be afraid of.” The softness in his voice made Richie melt, his heart beating against his ribcage so hard it was almost painful. All he could do was nod like a fool, a shallow breath escaping him. “Good, now I’ve go to numb it first. You are going to feel a little sting but that’s it.”

Richie looked over to Beverly who took the hint and stepped closer, allowing him to bury his face into her for comfort. Her fingernails ran down his back, soothing his jitters. Eddie’s voice broke through the veil, counting down from three. At two there was a bruning in is palm as the needle broke the skin but it was lost in Eddie’s reassuring words. “There. That wasn’t so bad was it?”

“No.” Richie admitted, looking back to meet the doctors smug face. His heart fluttered, a smile forming on his lips. “I guess not.” Eddie nodded, working quick of the stitches, all the while humming a light tune. For those few moments Richie couldn’t look away, mesmerized by the freckles that were dusted on the other mans face. There like stars in the night sky, connecting like constellations along his nose and cheeks.

“All better.” Eddie winked, scooting his chair away. “Just come back in a few weeks to get the stitches removed and you should be all set. Oh and Beverly,” the name made Richie realize that she had been in the room the entire time, watching them. An embarrassed blush crept along the back of his neck. “Make sure he doesn’t pick at it.”

“You got it doc.” She replied, saulting.

Eddie nodded, “Alright, well as fun as this was I gotta get back to my real patients. It was nice to meet you Miss Marsh, and Richie-” He paused, the words stopping abruptly as if he was debating on what he said next. “Stay classy.”

“Thanks Eds.” Richie muttered, picking at the fresh bandage. “I uh-appreciate it.”

“Sure thing.” The doctor replied, tossing away his supplies in the hazardous bin and turning towards the door. Richie wanted to call out to him, to stop him and explain why he had given him to cold shoulder but what was there to say? Nothing, that’s what. He was drowning in all the reasons not to with a needy feeling gripping at his stomach, making him sick. Just before Eddie passed through the threshold a voice did call him back, but it wasn’t his own.

“Oh Eddie wait.” Beverly called, halting the doctor. Her gaze met Richie’s, a twinkle in her eyes making him nervous. When Eddie turned she blurted, “I got engaged this weekend.”

“Uh-congratulations?”

“Thanks. We were actually going to throw an engagement party this Saturday and I wanted to see if you would come. Bill will be there, and Stan.”

Eddie seemed out of place, his mouth gaping open in surprise. “Beverly I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” his gaze shifted to Richie for a split second before snapping back to hers, “I’ve got plans. I told Mike I’d-”

“Bring him.” She interpreted, “Both of you should come. Free drinks, good company, it’ll be fun I promise.”

“Thank you but I can’t.” Eddie replied, a sympathetic look crossing his face. “I wish you the best of luck but I honestly think it’d be better if I sat this one out. I’m so-”

“You should go.” Richie blurted, making the two jump.

Eddie blinked. “What?”

“I mean why not? Beverly throws the best parties and I’ll be there so you know it’ll be wild.” His heart ached, it’s pleading voice leaving him bare and exposed. Honestly, he hated the way Eddie made him feel, and yet he loved it even more.

“You’re kidding right?”

“No. Come, have fun.” He muttered, biting his bottom lip. “Please?” Rubbing his forehead Eddie sighed, saying the one word that Richie really needed to hear at that moment, sending his heart to the sky.

“Okay.”


	7. Blow Jobs and Cold Reactions

His shirt was too tight, his jeans too loose. It was all just so wrong and he wasn’t sure how to fix it. If he was honest, he had started this entire endeavor hours ago, changing his clothes four separate times. No matter how hard he tried, it just wasn’t good enough. Nervous ticks danced along his chest, digging deep into his skin. This should be easy, he had known Beverly his entire life and knew she couldn’t care less what he looked like as long as he showed up sober and in a decent mood. It was just an engagement party after all, for fuck sakes. Even with that knowledge, he still fidgeted with his maroon button down, arguing with his reflection.

There was a light knock at his open door, bringing his attention from the mirror and to the slim man before him. Stan offered a half smile, nodding in approval making Richie’s heart leap into his throat. It didn’t matter how many times he saw the curly haired man dressed to impressed, all he could think about was ripping those clothes off and showing him just how impressed he was. It was like the sight reverted him into his sixteen year old self, hormones and all.

“You clean up pretty good Tozier.” Stan jeered, leaning against the door frame.

“Not too bad yourself Uris.” He replied with a shaky breath, forcing a playful smile. “I’m sure Bill would jizz in his pants just from the sight of you.”

“That’s the plan.”

Fucking christ. Richie shook his head, biting back the sadistic remark that came to mind. Instead he looked back at his reflection, frowning at his bunched shirt. His hands slid down his lengthy torso, easing the rise of his frustration. “Right on.” He muttered, biting down hard on his bottom lip. God, what was wrong with him?

“So Bill said Eddie’s coming?” Stan said, his tone salty with a slight pinch. “I uh-thought you two stopped that whole thing.”

Richie’s heart fluttered, “We-I mean I did.” His reply had no force, it wavered in the air before dropping to the floor. Gulping down the lump in his throat he shifted his weight from foot to foot. “Beverly and I ran into him at the ER when I had my accident and she invited him.”

“Right you sliced your hand and just ran into him?” Stan pressed, “What’s really going on here Rich? Are you falling for him or something? That’s not like you.”

Not like him. That was an understatement, he hadn’t been himself in months. “Nothing, I got bored with him so I moved on. It’s just like I said, we saw him when I was getting patched up, Bev took a liking to him so she invited him, that’s it.”

“That’s it?”

“Yeah.” Richie breathed, looking at Stan’s looming form in the mirror. “That’s it.”

Stan hummed to himself, proving unconvinced. There was a lingering silence between them, an unspoken pressure building up in Richie’s chest as he waited for something, anything to make this less painful. “You know I don’t care right?”

“What?”

“You and Eddie.” Stan replied casually, shrugging his shoulders. “I know that Bill is all butt hurt about it, but I honestly don’t care. It’s your life, do with it as you please just be careful.”

Richie’s brows furrowed, his mouth tugging downward in confusion. “Be careful about what?” He turned to face his friend full force, only slightly overwhelmed by his presence. “Be careful with Eddie? You think I’m gonna break him or something?”

“No.” Stan chuckled, rolling his eyes. “I think he’s going to break you. Love is hard and dirty and painful if you fall for the wrong person and-I’m saying this as a friend, I really am-I think Eddie is the wrongest person for you.”

There were so many things that could be said, that needed to be said but nothing came. Richie knew that love was hard, dirty and painful because he had been experiencing it the moment he and Stan had met. Years of watching from the sidelines, waiting and hoping for an ounce of attention only to go home high and dry made him bitter and so fucking cold. That was why when he was with Eddie, really with him, he finally felt relief. It was those stolen moments, between the silk sheets that he had grown fond of that everything had been stripped, leaving two aching hearts. Was it love? Maybe not, but it was relevant and comforting. Falling in love was easy, yes Richie knew this but he also knew that falling out of love was hard as hell.

“You don’t have to worry.” Richie finally managed, grabbing his keys from his bedside and faking his famous smirk. “I’m not falling for that short stack.”

Because he already fell once before.

It it had ruined him.

\---

The darkened city few by, lights dancing on the horizon as they headed out of town. It was silent, the two of them lost in their own train of thought. Eddie wasn’t sure why he was even going to the party, every logical fiber told him that it was a bad idea. He didn’t even know these people, hell he had only just met Beverly. It wasn’t like he was socially inclined, or even had an itching to make new friends because friends lead to problems and problems liked to attach themselves to him.

Mike hummed a soft tune, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. He swayed, happily and casually dancing in his seat. Eddie smirked, amused by his friends eagerness to get to their destination. At first, his friend had been against attending but that was before he had realized who the lucky guy was and his fanboy obsession had taken over. Hanscom was well known and loved by the press, being the youngest architect ever to have their skyscraper grace the New York skyline. He was a visionary, a prodigy and Mike wanted so desperately to met him.

So here they were.

“So you know the plan then?”

“Got it.” Eddie replied, rolling his eyes. “It’s seared into my brain.”

“I’m serious, in and out in less than fifteen minutes.”

“You know it’d be easier to just not go.”

“Come on.” Mike whined, running his hands across the the console to turn off the radio. “You know I wanted to meet Hanscom ever since he hit Peoples thirty people under thirty. He is all over the news with that building at the BBC and not going would be-”

“God you sound so gay.” Eddie cut, “Like you want in his pants.”

“Hardyharhaar.” The sarcastic tone made Eddie smile, happy that he could get a good jab in before his night proceeded. “And don’t act like you don’t want to go, I know your thrilled to see Richie again.”

“Pull over, I think I’m going to throw up.”

Mike laughed, his deep and amused chuckles vibrating through the air. “Oh come on, it’s not that bad. I think you’re being dramatic.”

“Yeah sure, I’m just going to a party full of people I don’t know to spend time with a guy who I used to screw along with the guy I want to screw and his perfect boyfriend. Sorry for blowing this entire thing out of proportion.” The words tasted sour in his mouth, making him really want to vomit. Eddie sighed, feeling a weight press down on his shoulders. “I can’t believe you talked me into this.”

“Like I said, twenty minutes tops.”

“You said fifteen!”

“Yeah, that’s what I meant.”

This made Eddie groan, wiping his sweaty palms on his pressed pants. Leaning against head rest his eyes closed, his body trying to ignore the sinking feelings in his stomach. He was split on wanting to go to the party and wanting to stay home with a bottle of wine and a good rerun of Jeopardy. If he was honest with himself, and lately he rarely was, he did want to see Richie again. It was probably the lack of sex, or the lack of physical contact all together but there was a growing need clawing under his skin.

They pulled up to their destination not five minutes later, the small and yet excraivant house was surrounded by cars. Eddie frowned, knowing that he needed to leave the safety of Mike’s vehicle and interact with people. His knees shook when he rose from the car, beads of sweat trailing down the small of his back. It was like his entire body was protesting. Fucking christ.

Walking up to the home, Eddie stared at the front door as if admiring the mahogany. The numbers blurred into one, making it hard to focus on anything other than his bounding heart. He could feel Mike standing beside him but couldn’t register the safe aura that he normally omitted. Holding his breath he pushed the doorbell, the noise muffled by the barrier.

“Fifteen minutes.” Eddie breathed, trying to calm himself. “That’s it, fiten minutes.”

“You got it Kaspbrak.” Mike replied.

\---

The music was light and tasteful, floating throughout the house like a summer breeze. Ben and Beverly moved from person to person, greeting and associating politely. It was a relatively small get together, consisting of close friends and nearby relatives. Richie made small talk, trying hard not to stick by anyone he didn’t know for too long, per Beverly’s instructions. She knew he was better taken in small doses and he was more than happy to stay disconnected.

Which was why he was standing alone, drink in hand, watching Stan conversate with his freshly arrived boyfriend. The interaction was so smooth, so fluent that it was almost vomit worthy. Their lips pressed together in a intimate exchange and Richie forced down another gulp of his expensive whiskey. He welcomed the burn in the back of his throat, finding that it grounded him to the moment.

The doorbell rang, breaking his concentration. He caught a glimpse of Beverly who broke away from some faceless guest and walked across the room to the door. Happy for the distraction he watched her open it, two figures appearing at the threshold. The hosts excitable shriek came soon after as she ushered her guests into her home. Before he knew it, Richie was staring at his former lover and his friend who looked even more out of place than he felt. Without thinking he crossed the room, his feet moving without permission from his brain.

“We are so happy that you two made it!” Beverly cooed, fawning over Eddie’s blue cardigan. “I honestly didn’t think you’d show-well that was more Ben-oh you have to meet my fiance, you are just going to love him!”

“Sure, that sounds great.” Mike replied smoothly. “You do have a beautiful home by the way, very quant.”

“Yeah Ben wanted to live in the suburbs, I was against it because I don’t exactly fit in with the soccer moms.”

“Screw soccer moms, a woman is better with vodka and a foul mouth I say.” Eddie bluted, smiling at his hosts amused look. “Makes for better conversation.”

“I knew I’d like you.” Beverly jeered, pointing a finger in the shorter man’s direction. “I had a feeling.”

“Hey now, better back off before Haystack sees you flirting.” Richie jeered, stepping close to the group. Eddie looked up to him and the corners of his lips tugged slightly upward, making his heart swell. Swallowing down the lump of emotion that seemed to grow from his gaze, the trashmouth smiled shyly, “It’d be a shame if this marriage ends before it even begins.”

“Oh shut up.” Beverly replied with a smirk, “You’re so full of shit.”

“Shit? No, liquor and fast food? Yeah, usually.” The joke got no recognition, the others merely ignoring his chuckle and sly grin. Richie watched them interact with Beverly, discussing nothing of importance as he nodded to things unheard. It was so natural, easy almost as the two new guests eased their way into past the front door. The room gravitated towards them, the word of his and Eddie’s previous relationship seemingly becoming common knowledge. He blamed Beverly, he wasn’t sure why but he did.

“I’ve read all about you in People’s Magazine.” Mike muttered when introduced to Ben, making him blush from embarrassment. “I can’t believe that I’m actually meeting you.”

“Yeah, they blew that all out of proportion. I’m just some guy from Maine who got lucky and was picked up by a big company.” Ben brushed, leaning into his future wife. “I wouldn’t be too amazed, I’m pretty normal.”

“He’s just being modest.” Beverly said, rolling her eyes. “He’s really good at what he does.”

Richie followed Eddie around like a lost puppy, putting little into the conversation other than jokes and awkward inputs. It didn’t look like the doctor minded, looking over so often to make sure that he hadn’t left his side. It was like nothing had changed, like at any moment they would sneak off to the other room and fuck just because they wanted to. Richie fell into a lull, becoming eased around his presence. It hadn’t been more than ten minutes before Bill and Stan made it to where they were.

At first it was civil, Bill talking to Eddie about work and such while their hosts left to mingle. Richie stayed beside Mike, keeping to himself but not wandering away. Every now and then Bill’s gaze would draw away from Eddie and land on the trashmouth, his mouth tugging downward before snapping back into the conversation. It was so subtle that it almost went unnoticed and Richie wish it did because that would’ve kept him where he was.

Clearing his throat he took the unvoiced hint. “I’m gonna go refresh my drink. Want anything Eds?”

“No I’m fine, thanks though.” He replied, smiling up towards Richie.

This made his heart skip against his ribcage. “Stan? Bill? Either of you up for a little party starter?”

Stan being Stan shook his head, muttering something about designated driving.The boyfriend however smiled, gesturing to the the kitchen. “I’ll join you. I’m kind of a picky drinker.” His tone was friendly enough but the suggestion for company took Richie by surprise and by the way Stan was staring it was the same with him. “Lead the way.”

Eddie opened his mouth to protest but was ignored as Richie and Bill left the other two, walking across the room in silence. Each footstep rang in Richie’s ears making a nervous ball began to form in his stomach. They entered through the threshold of the very clean, very empty kitchen with the smell of fresh pine floating in the air. Richie went straight to the fridge and pulled out the closest bottle. “So what’s your poison Billy Boy?”

“Do they stock any imported beer?”

Richie rolled his eyes, thankful for being half in the fridge otherwise he would have slammed his head against the nearest counter. “Yeah, Heineken alright for you?”

“That’s great.”

With a nod he grabbed a bottle near the back, closing the door with a soft push. Forcing a smile he handed Bill his drink, nodding his head. They stood awkwardly for a moment as they opened the bottles and out of habit Richie extentened his out expecting a friendly clink but receiving a cold shoulder as Bill began to lift the neck of his and swallow a mouthful. Shrugging it off, the trashmouth did the same.

“So.” Bill sang, twirling his drink.

“So?” Richie followed, raising a curious brow.

“I thought you and Eddie stopped whatever you were doing?” It came out so smoothly and yet there was a slight pinch bending his tone. “How is it that he just showed up at Beverly’s engagement party?”

Richie gaped, not believing that he was having this conversation here in his friends home, surrounded by people. An harsh annoyance bubbled under his skin, making the hair on the back of his neck stand on end. “She invited him actually. Took a fancy to him.”

“Right, she took a fancy to him.” He nipped in an excusting tone.

“Excuse me?”

“I just think it’s funny that the moment Eddie gets past your agreement he’s suddenly here with you following him around.”

“What the fuck is your problem?” Richie hissed, straightening his back defensively.

“My problem is you. You’re using Eddie and I think it’s disgusting.” Bill growled, dropping his half drinken drink on the countertop. “He’s not some toy you can play with okay? He’s a good man and deserves-”

“Oh are we going to talk about what Eddie deserves now?” He found himself nearly shouting, frustration gnawing at his stomach. “Because you know right? Because Big Bill knows best?” There was some faces that turned towards them out of curiosity but Richie ignored the sudden attention.

“I know him better than you.” Bill replied, not raising his voice but sharpening his teeth on Richie’s flesh. “I’m his friend. His best friend and I won’t just stand by and watch you use him for sex.”

“He’s not a fucking child, you can’t control him.”

“I would never try to control him.”

“Bullshit.” Richie laughed, the deepness and humorless noise bouncing against the brick walls. “Bullfuckingshit. You do it all the time, even I can see it and I’m half blind! You treat him like you own him, like you get to dictate what he does. Truth is, you want to keep stringing the poor man along, making him think he has a chance when in fact you decided a long time ago that he doesn’t but you’re afraid if you let him move on he will forget all about you and actually be fucking happy.”

“How dare you presume any of that” Bill sputtered, his face turning a deep shade of red. Weather that was from anger or embarrassment, Richie couldn’t be sure. “You’re just a passing thing, don’t think you’re more than a grain of salt in Eddie’s life!”

“So what if that’s all I am. That still doesn’t change that the way you treat your so call “best friend” is fucking disgusting. If you cared about him you would let him live his own life and not try to keep him away from what he really wants.”

Bill blinked, staggering a step back as if he had been slapped. “And what? You think he wants you?”

Richie’s stomach dropped, the sound of it hitting the lanulioum was deafening. There was a push and pull in him, half of him wanted to laugh in Bill’s face and the other wanted to scream at the top of his lungs. Honestly? He didn’t know the answer to that, and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to. “I know he wants you. You know this and blatantly use that to your advantage. Do you really care about Eds? Really give a damn about his well being? Then let him do what he wants and fucking suport it like a good friend! Pull your head out of your ass Denbrough and face your own shit.”

He didn’t bother to wait for a rebuttal, leaving his beer and exiting the kitchen with a loud huff. All eyes were on him, a few whispering nipping at his heels as he headed towards the bathroom. He was more than thankful when the door slammed behind him Leaning back against the wood he let out a sigh, trying to calm his pounding heart. Every curse word known to man slipped past his lips, filling the heated space around him.

What the fuck was wrong with him?

Why did he get so worked up over Eddie? It didn’t fucking matter what Bill thought, and he knew this, had settled on this months back. So why did he say those things? Six months ago he would have rolled his eyes and walked away so why did he stay and fight? Why did he care? God damn, he didn’t even know who he was anymore.

There was a knock at the door and Richie squeezed his eyes shut. “Someone’s in here!” He yelled but the knock came again and this time it was louder. Without thinking he hissed, opening the door to spit fire but stopping the moment he met a familiar auburn gaze. “Eddie? What are you-”

The trashmouth wasn’t able to finish as he was pushed back into the bathroom, bairly giving Eddie enough space to close the door. Richie nearly choked as the shorter man took a step closer, his hands finding the slack in his shirt and tugging at it harshly so that he was forced to lean forward. He expected a punch, a slap, anything other than what he received.

Eddie’s lips were warm, tasting sweet and tangy making him dizzy. His hands moved instinctively, pulling at the other mans small waist so that their bodies were flushed. Stepping backwards, Richie’s back met the wall and he lost his balance for only a second and Eddie’s lips slid to his jaw. A moan came from his throat, a raspy needy noise that he hadn’t heard in a long time. “Oh my god.” He whispered, his body buzzing from intoxication.

“Shh. Don’t ruin this.” Eddie said, his lips trailing down past his neck and down onto the fabric of his button down. Richie’s breath hitched as the buckle of his belt began to be undone. There was a line of thought that began to make its way into his mind, a cautious and worryingly little thing that seemed important until the sound of his zipper shot it dead.

When Eddie dropped to his knees he was already rock hard, his heart and body breaking with each touch. He felt Eddie’s hot breath wash over his member and he nearly came right then and there. Looking down he met the shorter man’s gaze, a shiver running down his spine at what he saw. Behind those doe orbs were a fiery lust that burned Richie to the core. There was a moment of clarity between them, an unspoken agreement that they were back right where they started as if nothing had changed.

Then Eddie took him into his mouth and the world melted.

It was slow at first, his touches curious and wary. Richie let out a shaky breath, leaning his head back against the wall and allowing his hands to bury themselves in Eddie’s perfectly sculpted hair. He moaned again, the wetness and warmth making him weak. Eddie’s tongue swirled around his tip and he accidently pulled at the other man’s roots hard. So hard that he felt the need to apologize. Well, that was until Eddie shoved his cock fully down his throat meeting his stomach with his nose.

There was an unwelcome knock, voices on the other side forcing him back into the real world. His eyes shot open, looking at the barrier with a fear. Eddie must have sensed it because he upped off and looked up to him, and fuck did he look completely wrecked. “Better tell them to go away.” He whispered, his tone rugged and broken.

“S-Somone’s in here!” Richie yelled, grabbing hold of the towel rack to keep balance as Eddie licked his underside.

“Richie? Are you okay?” Ben’s voice came back.

“Fine. Just give me a minute!”

“Okay.”

As soon as the word seeped through the cracks Eddie shoved his cock as far as it could possibly go, swallowing purposely. “Fuck!” Richie cried out, thrusting his hips into him. “Ha, shit shit shit.”

This only encouraged Eddie and he repeated the action, giving Richie little time to gather much composure. He came with a whine and grunt, a name dancing at the tip of his tongue before becoming overshadowed by something else. “Ssstan.” It tasted disgusting, leaving a burning in his throat but it had come just as intensly as his orgasam.

Eddie leaned back on his heels, looking up at Richie with dulled eyes. A flash of hurt crossed his face, it was so quick that if he had blinked it would have been missed. Standing up Eddie leaned over the sink and spat, turning on the water and rinsing out his mouth. The only noise in the room was the running water and there was an overcoming urge to fill it with an inappropriate joke.

But it never came, instead Eddie turned off the faucet and nodded at Richie’s reflection. “Well this was fun but I think my fifteen minutes are up.”

“What?”

“Mike’s probably waiting for me.”

“Your leaving?” The question was sad and needy but he didn’t seem to care. An overpowering need to reach out pulled at his chest and it took all he had left not to act on it. Instead he busied himself by shoving everything back into his pants. “You just got here.”

Eddie half smiled, “Well technically I didn’t want to come in the first place but you know how it goes.”

“You can stay, have a few drinks. We can talk to Beverly and uh-start a fire in the pit or something. I can take you home if Mike-”

Another knocked stopped him and he sighed, realizing that their time was officially up. Eddie went to the door and paused, lingering for a moment before turning back and uttering, “Thanks for sticking up for me. You really didn’t have to do that.”

Richie’s heart fluttered. “I know but Bill was being an ass.”

“He can get like that sometimes.”

“I just hope that doesn’t piss Stan off too much.” The name was like poison in the air, dripping from his lips like blood. Eddie visibly flinched. Why the fuck did he mention him, wasn’t his orgasmed cry enough? “I mean-uh-”

“Yeah I hope not. That’d spoil their plans to move in together.”

It was like Richie had been hit by a truck. He gaped, staring at the short man with wide eyes. “What did you say? They are moving in together?”

Eddie frowned, tilting his head. “You-you didn’t know?”

Without thinking Richie stormed out, leaving Eddie in the small bathroom and pushing past faceless gests that had began to line up outside. His feet carried him to his destination ignoring the looks from everyone else. He went to his best friend and forced him to turn. His teeth grinded against one another to keep him from screaming.

“We need to talk.”


	8. Mixing Friendship and Wantons

Eddie settled into this couch with a huff, the sound of his television show blaring before him. The takeout food that had just arrived was sprawled out on his coffee table, having no organization whatsoever. As per usual, he had ordered to much and now was dealing with the dilemma of throwing it away or just packing it up so that it would decay in the back of his fridge. He hated wasting food, but his eyes were bigger than his stomach and the wonton special had sounded too good to pass up. 

After being left in Beverly’s bathroom, the night had progressed quickly. By the time he had gained enough courage to leave after Richie’s dramatic exit, he caught a glimpse of the four eyed DJ pulling Stan out towards the back yard, not so much as glancing in his direction. There had been a bubble of emotion in the pit of his stomach, speaking things that he wasn’t prepared to hear The attention that he had gained from being in the only restroom for so long, the obvious indication implied to everyone, was not something he was proud of and the moment he located Mike, he demanded they left. 

And so they thanked their hosts, and bolted. 

Mike didn’t ask, and Eddie didn’t tell. There would be in a time, in the near future, that he would tell the story of how he blew a guy who would ditch him faster than his orgasam but for now he was thankful for Mike’s indiscretion. His phone was blowing up the entire way home, most of the messages were form Bill, jumping from asking where he had went to scorning him for spilling the beans about his and Stan’s newest step. Apparently, Richie was sensitive about the subject and Stan was fucking pissed. There was one message that Eddie ignored completely, a simple and weighted text from none other than the trashmouth himself. It only read, “I’m sorry about tonight.” 

Yeah, well so was he. 

There was nothing good on television and Eddie settled on some familiar Simpsons reruns. It was intended to be a easy and quiet night, one that he could self loath and purge with junk food and porn. An evening that would put all others to shame, a way to keep himself sane when all he wanted do was give in to the whirlwind of feelings that drove him mad. Everything was crashing down and the only thing that made it any better was the fluffy blanket that he buried himself in. 

It was well past midnight when the knock on his door came, making Eddie jump out of his skin. He glanced at the door, wishing for the intruder to just go away, pryaing that it was only a drunk neighbor who walked up to the wrong apartment but the second knock did arrive and he was forced from his place on the couch. What he expected was Bill, or even Stan, coming over to rip him a new asshole for causing a rift in their relationship. What he received however, was a timid looking Richie with a busted lip. 

They stared at one another, taking a moment for the situation to settle in. There was a twist in Eddie’s stomach, making him want to upchuck all over Richie's dress shoes. Sighing he leaned against the doorframe, doing his best to look unaffected by his unannounced arrival. “What the fuck happened to your face?.” 

A small smile crossed Richie’s lips, his head shaking in disbelief. “I-uh-got into it with Stan and he took a swing.” 

“You fought Stan?” 

“It wasn’t a physical fight, well it was but not on my end.” 

“Jesus Christ.” Eddie groaned, rubbing the spot where his eyes separated. His eyes glanced up, looking at the cut that dripped crimson. “You look an idiot.” 

“Don’t I always?” The jab at himself faulted the moment it was out, dipping just below the breaking point. Richie shifted his weight, almost staggering on his own two feet. “Or is that supposed to be your line?” 

“What are you doing here Richie?” Eddie blurted, unable to play this game any longer. It was harsh, and maybe unintentionally sad but the words stuck on his skin like a brand. Emotions gnawed at his insides, and it was a wonder how he hadn’t killed over yet. 

The trashmouth flinched, sucking in air through his teeth violently. He swayed, shoving his hands into his front pockets, moving from the balls of his feet to the heel casually. It was like a child who was about to admit something bad, like Eddie was going to yell the moment he answered. “We’re friends, right?” 

Eddie blinked. 

Then opened his mouth, closed it and blinked again. Friends? Was that even a thing that could exist between them? Six hours ago he was sucking Richie’s dick, three weeks ago he was taking a pounding into his mattress from the same man. They bickered and fought, argued and yelled. Friends didn’t do that, right? Friends talked about their feelings and knew the basic information about one another, Eddie didn’t even know Richie’s favorite color. “I-I don’t even know how to answer that.” He finally said after a painfully long pause. 

“I mean I know that we didn’t start as friends, but like now-you know after everything-we are at least kinda there? Don’t you think?” He was pleading for validation, Eddie could hear it in his voice. The obvious fight with Stan had broke his self esteem, and for whatever reason it had lead him to his front door. Whatever he was looking for, desecration or salvation, the doctor would never know but he knew in that moment was that he needed to at least try. 

“Yeah, I guess that makes sense.” He lied, keeping his voice flat. “But that still doesn’t answer why you are here.” 

“Stan is mad at me, well pissed is a better description.” 

Eddie motioned to his busted face, rolling his eyes. “No, I got that.” 

“And Beverly is dealing with family that came into town for the party, she sends her regards.” His hand made a rolling motion at the wrist, keeping his sense of nonchalantly between them. “And I didn’t have anyone else to turn to, so I came here.” 

“Uh…” Eddie gawked, halfway between laughing in disbelief and yelling from annoyance. “Come in?” There was an awkward motion made with his body, moving aside for the man to pass. Richie was practically bouncing with each step, circling around the food on the coffee table. Without permission he sat down, grabbing one of the containers eagerly. Eddie couldn’t believe what he was seeing, “Help yourself.” He muttered, sitting down on the other side of the couch. 

“Simpsons? I love them, did you know they are one of the longest running series like ever?” 

Was this casual conversation? It must be because Richie looked back to him with wide eyes, a wonton halfway hanging from his mouth. “I did. I watched them when I was a kid, it was one of the only shows my mother allowed me to-can you please chew with your mouth closed. That is disgusting.” 

“Beverly says I eat like a five year old.” 

“Well she is fucking right.” Eddie muttered, making Richie chuckle. 

“So your mom,” He swallowed a mouthful, adjusting his glasses as his eyebrows wiggled behind them suggestively. “Is she hot?” 

“She’s dead.”

“Okay buzzkill, was she hot?” Richie continued, not deterred at all by Eddie’s harsh tone. “You know, before she killed over.” 

Eddie stared, mostly because he couldn’t fucking believe this man. “No Richie, she was over three hundred pounds.” 

“Hey big women are beautiful too.” 

“Ugh, you are impossible.” He growled, suppressing the urge to pound his head on something hard, like his end table. “She was a controlling, manipulative woman. I left at sixteen and didn’t see her again till she was on her deathbed three years ago.” 

“Oh.” Richie whispered, pausing. “I-uh-I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be.” He replied, not wanting the awkwardness to linger between them. “That was a long time ago, I’m a better person because of it.” Not really, he thought, it lead to his anxiety and unhealthy attachments but that wasn’t something worth sharing on their first few minutes as ‘friends’. 

There was a moment of silence, the sound of Bart Simpson telling someone unimportant to eat his trousers filled the room. Richie took a bite of rice, shrugging his shoulders in a light manner. “My parents were shitty too. Dad was a deadbeat, mom a drunk. Didn’t make for a very impressive childhood.” 

What the actual fuck was this? Eddie stared at his honest expression, taken aback by the heartfelt and real expression that had followed his own painful confession. Never in a million years did he expect to be sitting here, next to the same man who said he blew out anus on their first date, and swapping stories about their crappy childhood. That was something people do when they liked one one another, not when they were just fucking. “I’m sorry to hear that. I guess sometimes, good people get the shit end of the stick.” 

“Tell me about it.” Richie breathed, leaning into the back of the couch. “I can’t believe they are moving in together, more than that I can’t believe Stan didn’t tell me.” 

There it was, the entire reason for this uncomfortable evening. Eddie watched the man beside him fall, bottoming out on his carpeted floor. It was a devastating blow to the both of them, the loves that they had been pining for moving forward with their lives while they sat here stuck in the past. When Bill had told him that he was going to as Stan, three weeks ago, Eddie bit his tongue and smiled, doing the right thing for their friendship all the while eating the inside of his cheek. In a way, he was jealous of Richie. He had been blissfully unaware of it all, shielded by his friend until it blew up in his face. Well, okay, maybe he wasn’t all that jealous. 

“Yeah, sorry for spilling the beans.” Eddie said under his breath, chewing on his bottom lip. “I didn't know it was a secret.” 

“It shouldn’t have been, that’s the thing.” He replied, equally as soft. “When I asked him why he kept it from me he said he was just trying to be a good friend, what does that even mean? How is keeping that shit to himself being a good friend?” 

Eddie had none of those answers, and they both knew it. With a sigh he leaned forward, digging his elbows into his knees. “Does Stan know that you love him?” 

“What?” Richie sputtered, eyeing where his host sat. “No, of course not. I couldn’t stand being embarrassed like that I would literally die. Can you imagine how horrific it would be if-uh-” He stopped, noticing Eddie’s sharp eye. He cleared his throat. “Nevermind.” 

“Maybe Stan knows more than you think.” The doctor said, ignoring the knot in his stomach and dismissing Richie’s stupidity. “Maybe he is aware that you have a thing for him, and knew that he moving in with Bill would hurt you and wanted to shield you from it. I can’t imagine living with that kind of knowledge is easy.” 

“It’s easy for Bill.” 

“Yeah well…” Eddie started, unable to finish. The next thing he said burned his throat, the taste disgusting and tart. “Stan is a better man, a better friend .” 

“Wow.” Richie chuckled, shaking his head in disbelief. “I think that is the first thing you have ever said about him that was actually nice.” 

“Don’t get used to it.” He joked, smirking against himself. “All I’m saying is that Stan was trying to protect you, and maybe that isn’t the worst thing in the world.” 

The trashmouth brows knitted along his forehead, his eyes becoming heavy with emotion. Eddie could see the turmoil ripping through him, his mind fighting with itself as he reset his entire outlook on his friendship. “When I first realized I loved him I didn’t think anything of it. I repressed it, thinking that it would wash away over time. Now-” He shrugged, running his long elegant fingers through his ratsnest. “Now I just wonder if it’ll ever get easier.” 

“I understand.”

“I want to believe that someday I’ll be talking to Stan and realize that my body no longer aches, that my heart doesn’t flutter at the sound of his voice. That I’ll realize that I’m just not in love anymore, that at some point along the line I’ve let it all go.” The words cut deep, for both of them. It was the ultimate goal, to finally be able to just move on without ripping out your very being. Falling out of love, easier said than done. 

Eddie let out a hot breath, exhaling the feelings that clogged in his throat. Loving someone other than Bill seemed impossible, being over that lush hair and angelic voice, not looking forward to their next meeting, begging to just be beside them felt intangible. He had loved for so long, admired from afar in painful silence. Once upon a time, the idea would have made him laugh, now it brought tears to his eyes. “I wish it was that easy.” 

“Me too Eds.” Richie said softly, staring at the television as it switched programs. 

The nickname was forgotten along the way, both of them caught up in their thoughts. Life wasn’t fair, this Eddie understood from a young age. Love never came easy, and when it did it was a train wreck. Both of them shared an unfortunate situation and had found soulice in one another. First with sex, now with words. Perhaps they were friends, perhaps along the way, without really knowing it, Eddie had created a relationship with Richie Thrashmouth Tozier. 

What had the world come to?

Richie handed him a takeout container, his eyes never leaving the sitcom. Eddie accepted the eggroll with a nod, stuffing the food into his face. Just like that they fell into a comfortable setting, content with the silence. It was two friends, watching some mindless show that Eddie couldn’t name. Two friends, connected by a same pain. Two friends, who without knowing it, grew closer in a matter of minutes. 

And that was the night that Eddie Kaspbrak realized, everything happened for a reason. 

\--

Richie awoke to a pain shooting through his spine, bunding just below his ribs and nestling there. A groan came from deep in his chest, vibrating his body. He could smell fresh coffee, it being like a beacon leading him into the next day. Opening his eyes he realized he was scrunched up on a sofa, half of his lanky 6’2 body hanging over the arm. No wonder he was in such bad shape, all he had for comfort was a fluffy fleece blanket and a shitty pillow. He remembered where he was, and that earned another groan. 

“Sleep good I assume.” A smug voice jeered from behind. “You looked awfully comfortable, I didn’t want to wake you.” 

Eddie stood there, in jeans and a t-shirt, holding a cup of coffee in his hand. His hair was still damp from his apparent shower, his face glowing with a good night's sleep. Richie had never hated someone so much in his life. “Remind me again why I didn't just sleep in your bed?” He asked in a groggy voice, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. 

“I offered and you said you wanted to take the couch.” Eddie shrugged handing a hot cup over to the angry looking guest. “Muttered something about being a gentleman.” 

“I’m fucking stupid.” Richie growled, accepting the drink like it was a god sent. “And was obviously delirious from sleep deprivation. You’re a horrible host for not insisting on sharing your king sized bed.” 

Eddie snorted, his eyes rolling into the back of his head. “Yeah because it’s my fault that you showed up at my doorstep at midnight, wanting to have a sleepover.” There was an amused smirk that crossed his lips, making Richie’s heart skip a beat. “Besides, your a bed hog.” 

“I am not!.” 

“Right, anyone who has ever told you differently was lying. You are a fucking leech!” 

Richie laughed, feeling whatever weight that had been on his chest lift, making him feel light and joyus. Taking a drink from his coffee he hummed in satifictation, shaking his entire body with contentment. “I just like my cuddles.” 

“Pfft, whatever,” He muttered, walking back towards the kitchen. 

Against his aching bones, Richie followed, standing from his makeshift bed, grabbing his glasses along the way. He watched the small boy move though his home in awe, taking in the stretch of his body as he grabbed another mug. When caught, he played in off with a shit eating grin and a eyebrow wave. Eddie once again scoffed, a slight blush tainting his tanned skin and giving away his embarrassment. 

“So, got any big plans for today?” Richie asked as casually as he could, leaning against the far counter. “Does Doctor Eddie have to go in and save some lives?” 

“Not today he doesn't.” He replied smoothly. “They are just going to have to wait for tomorrow.” 

An idea popped into his head, a perfect, reckless, stupid idea. It clumped together messily in his brain, making a devious grin to form on the outside why giddiness formed inside. “Hmmm” He laughed under his breath, not able to hide his excitement. 

“What?” His host nipped, narrowing his eyes.

“I know what we can do today.” Richie blurted, not bothering to give Eddie a chance to deny that they were now, friendship now established, going to spend the day together. “Tell me Eddie Spaghetti, what is one thing that you’ve always wanted to do but didn’t because Big Bill talked you out of it.” 

“I do what I want, when I want. You’re proof.” 

“Oh please, you told me Bill talked you out of buying a truck.” 

“Okay? So?” 

“So.” He sang, setting his coffee on the counter. “I know there are other things he’s talked you out of. So tell me, what is the one thing you’ve always wanted to do, something that Bill would disapprove of?” 

Eddie looked down at his morning cup of jo, frowning at the darkness. For a split moment, Richie thought he was going to blow him off, to spew some bullshit about him being stupid and ignorant for assuming that there were thing he had refrained from just because of his friends disapproval. He mentally prepared for this, thinking that Eddie’s self esteem wouldn't be able to handle the blow. Slowly, and almost silently he replied to his coffee. “I’ve always wanted to go bungee jumping.” 

“Really?” Richie said bluntly, taken aback. “Bungee jumping? That’s pretty extreme.” 

“I know, that’s what Bill said.” He mumbled, the corner of his mouth tugging even further downward. 

“Well, get your shoes on because we are going to go kill ourselves by jumping off a bridge with only a cord to save our lives.” 

The man in front of him looked up, skepticism dancing in his eyes. “That’s not funny.” 

“It wasn’t a joke.” 

“Where are we going to find a place to bungee jump in the city?” He asked, licking his lips in a way that made Richie shiver. With a smile and wink the trashmouth answered, thankful for his connections for the first time in forever, knowing exactly what favor he was going to call in. 

“I know a guy.”


	9. Jumping, With Nothing but a Bungee to Save Us

The scenery was beautiful, absolutely postcard worthy. Noise from the city was long gone, leaving behind the a whispering breeze and singing wildlife. Trees had grown thick around the lonely road, only giving way to a river and the overpass. It route seemed to be long forgotten by New York, a hidden away treasure just past the city limits. Richie’s foot pressed on the acceleration softly, not wanting to miss a moment of the simple and yet soothing car ride. A soft song played through his speakers and if he listened closely Eddie’s soft hum came through the overplayed hit. They had talked very little, which was weird for the trashmouth who prided himself in his degree in awkward conversation. Every now and then his passenger would bite his bottom lip, sucking it into his mouth and nibbling at the tender flesh. Richie supposed it was a nervous habit and he had seen it before but when it became such a fascination to him, he had no fucking clue. 

A few other vehicles came into view, the two of them finally arriving at their destination. Richie pulled behind the red mustang that had parked just before the bridge, rolling his eyes at the overly expansive vehicle. Killing the engine he looked over, noticing the widened eyes of the man beside him. “You good Eds?” He asked, shoving his keyring into the front pocket of his jeans. 

“That is not my name.” He whispered, not missing a beat.

A smile tugged at his corner of Richie’s lips, “You love it.” There was no reply, just a snort from the short man. “Come on, don’t tell me you’re scared of heights or something.” 

“I’m not scared, I’m just remembering how reasonable Bill sounded when he talked me out of this.” Eddie muttered, staring out of the window. “I mean this is pretty reckless, and people have died doing this. Maybe he was right, maybe this is stupid. I’m not-”

“Boo.” Richie hissed, following it with a immature farting noise. This made Eddie’s nose wrinkle in annoyance, “Did we forget that Bill is a douche? I mean he drinks imported beer.” 

“Richie, I’m serious.” 

“So am I. Hard liquor or go home, every person knows this.” He replied playfully, his light tone making Eddie smirk. He waited for Eddie to give in, to shead the shell of a man he was wearing and blurt out an insult, but nothing happened and the timidity that he felt radiating off of him was suffocating. Taking in a deep breath Richie leaned forward and adjusted himself in his seat. “Look, I can’t make you do anything. You are a strong independent woman, who don’t need no man, we have established that. I just think you shouldn’t let someone dictate how you live, and if you want to do something, just fucking do it.” 

“Last thing I wanted to just fucking do was you and look at how bad of a decision that was.” Eddie replied, his words having no bite as an amused look crossed his face. “You’re a walking, talking man child. I obviously can't make life choices for myself.” 

“Can’t argue with you there.” Richie smiled, licking his lips as he glanced over to where the equipment was being set up. He wondered if the bubbling of emotion in his stomach was normal for friends, or if he was just a fucking weirdo. It wasn’t like this with Bev so why did he feel so…..nervous? 

“Be honest, is this stupid?” Eddie asked, his eyes dropping to his folded hands. “Am I stupid for wanting to do this?” 

The pleading sadness in his question pulled at Richie’s heart strings. The once proud and confident lover he had grown accustomed to seeing vanished, leaving behind a timid and small boy. It wasn’t fair, not really. Eddie had gotten into college before his peers had even graduated, had survived the living hell that was medical school, became a doctor, saved lives and still he was afraid of acting out of line of what he perceived as a straight path. Whatever had happened in his life, whatever reason he had latched onto a man like Bill, was enough to create a rift in his not so perfect life. When they had first met, Richie had wanted nothing to do with the prick, convinced that there was a stick shoved so far up his ass that he would burp bark but now? 

Now he just wanted to help. 

“Get out of the car.” Richie answered, opening his car door. “I’m gonna teach you why stupid is my middle name.” He didn’t wait for the snarky remark, instead hopping from his seat and shutting the door. There was a time lapse before Eddie followed but when he caught up he was wearing a soft smile. 

Standing on the bridge were three men, one of which turned around and smiled at them, his face beaming with excitement. Eddie shot Richie a confused look, “Isn’t that Beverly’s fiance?” He asked as Ben began to jog to meet them. “What is he doing here?” 

“He owes me a favor.” Richie shrugged, “I called him while you tried on those six shirts.” 

“It was three.” Eddie bit. 

“Tomato, potato.” 

“Hey guys!” Ben grinned, bouncing on the balls of his feet and clasping his hands together. “Glad you decided to join us! All the hard work is done!” 

“Well you know I turn my nose down to hard work bennyboy.” Richie joked, laughing at his own jab. “If I could live on my sofa, you know I would.” 

“Yes, I do. I remember when you tried to defeat the world record.” Ben scoffed, rolling his eyes and pivoting to Eddie. “Kid made it twelve hours before leaving because we refused to run to Taco Bell for him.” 

Eddie chuckled, making Richie shiver. “What was the record?” 

“Almost sixty seven hours.” Haystack replied. 

“Wow, I can’t believe I even talk to you.” Eddie joked, shooting a devious look up to his friend. “That’s pathetic.”

“You don’t understand my love for tacos babe.” The trashmouth cooed, winking. “I love them more than I love blowjobs, and you know how much I love blowjobs.” It had came out faster than he expected, an obvious hint to the previous night and the moment it was out he wished it back. Eddie looked to the ground, shuffling his feet awkwardly. Richie cursed under his breath, the heat from his blush making his nerves dance along his skin. Sometimes his mouth was a curse, and it was times like this he thought of stapling it shut. 

Fucking christ, what was wrong with him? 

“Right, anyways.” Ben muttered, moving the conversation along once the uncomfortable tension had peaked. “Like I said, we are all set up. Steve can talk you through the safety rules and whatnot if you wanna-”

“Yeah, lead the way.” Eddie quickly answered, gesturing to the obvious spot. “So what got you started in something like this?” The switch on the topic was so quick, it gave Richie whiplash. “I mean this isn’t exactly what I’d expect an architecture to be into.” 

“Well you see-” Ben’s explanation was cut short by the buzzing in Richie’s pocket, the lyrics of Me So Horny blared. The two stopped, glancing back to him as he pulled the device with a groan. 

The name across the screen reminded him of the other part of last night, the one that ended in screams and busted lips.“It’s Stan.” He whimpered, cowering slightly at the picture that popped up. “I should answer it? I mean that’s the right thing to do, like I should be a good friend and not let it go to voicemail.” Looking up he watched Eddie’s face fall, “Or not. I shouldn’t. Na, nope, he was the one to fuck me over, and I should let him wait until we are don-”

“Jesus just pick it up.” Ben spat, tugging on Eddie’s sleeve and nodding towards the bridge. “We will be getting Eddie set up.” 

Richie expected Eddie to say something, anything to indicate his disapproval for this but he only nodded and turned to follow. He watched the back of the short man’s head, the internal debate only being overpowered by the repeat of his ringtone. With a weighted intake of air he pressed the green button, trying not to overthink the look that had grown in Eddie’s eyes. “H-Hello?”

“Richie.” The voice on the other line breathed, “Fuck, I didn’t think you were going to answer.” 

In all fairness, neither did he. “Yeah, what’s up man?” He forced the calm and even tone, trying desperately not to let his neediness come through. “I’m kinda in the middle of something so if this can wait till I get back to the apartment then-”

“I’m sorry about last night.” Stan blurted, overtaking the conversation completely. “I should have just told you about me moving out and I overreacted when you confronted me. God, I shouldn't have hit you. I am so fucking sorry Richie, I really am. I don’t know where it came from, you didn’t even deserve it this time! Out of all the times you have deserved it and I’ve reframed, the fact that I took a swing when it was my fault is the most immature thing-” 

Richie wasn’t even listening, instead staring over to the group of men, whose laughter filled the air. There was a small snort that immediately made Eddie cover his mouth, it something that Richie had heard only once when he had fallen off the bed during sex, and right now it sounded a thousand times better than it did then. An warmth began to build in his chest, an unwelcome smile forcing itself onto his lips. The buzz in his ear became louder when a familiar name was pulled into the conversation, “-Eddie should have never spilt the beans, I was planning on telling you this week and he just fucking ruined everything. Little prick can’t even let me-” 

“Woah there, don’t blame him. He didn’t know it was a secret.” Richie bit, maybe a little too harshly. “You’re the one who didn’t tell me.” 

Silence came through the receiver, the heaviness in Stan’s breathing making the hairs on the back of Richie’s neck stand on end. “Did you-” He paused, as if to weigh his words carefully. “Did you just defend Eddie?” 

“I-” Richie paused, suddenly aware of the misplaced shame he felt for his outburst. “No, I just don’t think it’s fair to blame him for our fight. That’s between us and has nothing to do with anyone other than me and you.” 

“Uh okay.” Stan replied, his tone unconvinced.Richie could practically see him running his fingers through his curls. “Where did you even go last night? I called Bev and she said she hadn’t seen you since you stormed out.” 

“I went to a friends place.” Richie veigly replied, tapping his foot on the asphalt. 

“A friend?” 

“Yeah a friend. Like I said, I’m busy right now. Can we talk about this later?” He pressed, rolling his eyes at Stan’s judging tone. “I promise I’ll give you my full attention then.” 

“Okay Rich.” Stan mumbled, “Yeah, we can talk about this when I get off of work tonight. Just be at the apartment this time okay? I’d hate to bring your favorite indian food to an empty house.” It was a peace offering, Richie wasn’t stupid, and if he was in the right mind he would have been thrilled to patch things up now but with one glance back to where his friends stood he was rushed with an urgency to end the call. 

“Sure Stan, see you then.” He hung up the phone before the other end could respond, shoving it in his back pocket and jogging over to where the scene was unfolding. The closer he came, the more he realized he should have just let the conversation go to voicemail. The four men were there, like before, only this time Eddie was looking over the ledge with wide, fearful eyes as the harness hugged his waist tightly. Tears were clumping together in his ducts, and Richie knew that within minutes a panic attack would soon unfold. 

“Eddie, you don’t have to do this.” Ben whispered softly, putting his hand on the small man’s shoulder for support. “There is no shame in backing out.” 

“Yeah, we don’t want you to feel unsafe in anyway.” Another person added, Nick was his name if memory served. “This is all about fun and if you aren’t having fun then we can just call it.” 

“What’s going on?” Richie asked, stepping close to where Eddie stood. The moment his hand was on the short man's waist, he could feel the tension in his muscles. “Did I miss something?” 

“Eddie isn’t sure he wants to do this.” Ben answered, dropping his hold the moment Richie reclaimed his spot. “He looked down and-”

“It’s too high.” Eddie squeaked, shrugging off Richie’s hold. “Bill was right, I can’t do this.” The pity and sorrow in his words poisoned the space around them, leaving a bitter taste in the air. Richie watched him step down and take three steps away from where they had stood. “This is fucking stupid.” 

“Hey.” Richie soothed, reaching out to hold the short man at the elbow. “No it’s not. Come on, you told me you wanted to do this. Let’s do this.” Tenderness laced itself in his words, dancing with his tone until it smoothly washed over Eddie’s terrified tone. It wasn’t unexpected for Richie to push his friends into doing what they wanted the most, but this was different than convincing Beverly to go for that bikini wax. This was important, detrimental. It was crossing the line between living in the safety net that Bill had created and falling into a new, exciting life. Eddie needed this, more than he understood.

“Richie.” Eddie whispered, “I don’t think I can do this.” 

“Don’t think, just do.” He replied, just as softly. “This is all in your head.You can do anything you set your mind to. I believe it.” There was loneliness in the pools of Eddie’s eyes, he was afraid but not of the height, of something else entirely. Without finishing a second thought he turned towards the other three-who until then had been forgotten-and said, “Get another harness, I’m gonna jump with him.” 

“What?” Eddie choked, “You don’t have to-” 

“I want to.”

“Richie.” 

“Eddie.” He shot right back, letting Nick and Steve pull the harness up his long legs. “I’m jumping with you.” It was a snug fit, his junk pushing against his leg uncomfortably. Jiggling his hips his nuts rolled, making him shamefully aroused. “Wow, that’s a touchy safety net.” 

“I don’t need you to jump with me.” Eddie rolled his eyes, not commenting on Richie’s playful grin. “I don’t need you to hold my hand, I’m a big boy.” 

“I’ll hold more than your hand.” He muttered, slyly smirking at his own wit.

“God damn it Richie.” The doctor growled, shaking his head. “Be serious for one fucking moment.” 

“You want me to be serious?” He quipped back, just as Steve tightened the straps around his waist. “Eddie, in the entire span of our relationship I haven’t seen you step off of the path Bill has made for you. You argue, fight and maybe disagree but you always do what your told. He says jump, you say how high. He says don’t and you obey. You stood up to him when it came to sex-thank god for that because it was good sex-but other than that, you let him dictate how you live your life.” There was a pause were he allowed Eddie to argue, to input his discretion in any way but when it never came he continued. “If you really want to not jump, then so be it. I can’t force you but by not doing so you’re letting Bill continue to run your life. Is this going to fix all of your problems? No, but god damn Eds, it’s a fucking start.” 

The three professionals, Ben included, remained silent. Richie’s heart felt like it was going to burst, like his knees were going to give out, like his entire being was going to diminish with Eddie’s answer. The man looked at him with a twisted face, like the was debating internally with Richie’s words. His eyes were distant and there was a moment when Richie would have sworn he had flown a million miles away. In a moment he was back, his lips twitching as he nodded in agreeance. 

Ben had them come in close, facing one another as they connected their harnesses. Richie was looking at Eddie and Eddie, well he was looking down at the water below. They hadn’t been this close since Eddie had kissed him in the bathroom and he smelt just as sweet then. There was a tug that brought their hips together and he would swear there was a blush against Eddie’s pale skin. “Alright,” Steve said, a smile in his voice. “That should just about do it. Go whenever you guys feel comfortable.” 

“Cool.” Richie sang, “Cool, cool, cool.” Fighting the urge to make a dirty joke he looked over the edge for the first time, swallowing hard at the height. The water below looked choppy and unforgiving, moving quickly with the current. Fuck, what had he gotten himself into. 

There was pressure around his waist, bringing him from his thoughts. With a smile he looked back down to his friend, who had pressed his body flush with his. Instinctively his arms rose around the shorter man’s shoulders, accepting his touch. A flutter came from within him, a burst of giddiness at what they were about to do. 

“On three?” Eddie asked, tightening his grip. 

“Yeah.”

“One.” He breathed, making Richie’s heart jump. “Two.” This was nothing like what the trashmouth had pictured the night he had knocked at Eddie's door for the first time, he was determined to use the man for sex and that was it. No strings, no feelings, just mind numbing orgasms. Yet here he was, standing right on the edge. Don’t fall in love with me, that was what he had whispered before their first time. Love, what a primitive concept. 

“Three.” 

And with that, Richie allowed himself to fall.


	10. Two Steps Forward, One Back

“You’re here with KWCH’s number one team, the oh so lovely J Embers and the equally attractive-maybe even more so-Trashmouth! We are taking your questions now so go ahead and ask us anything, baby! Caller twelve, please go right ahead.” 

“Hi, first off I love you guys! You are the best and uh-secondly I wanted to ask if you were still hooking up with Doctor Sexy, you haven’t talked about him all that much and I was wondering if you’ve stopped seeing him or something.” 

“Yeah, Trash, what is going on with doctor sexy?” 

“Well, just so both of you know, I have not stopped seeing Doctor Sexy. Things are a little more complicated and I won’t get into all the dirty little details but I’ll have you know that I just saw him the other night and he's doing just fine and dandy! Next caller!” 

The radio was blaring from the nurses station, the crude and loud voices echoing throughout the empty halls. Eddie glared at the damn thing, wondering how it hadn’t caught fire yet when he was staring at it with a thousand suns. It wasn’t that Richie’s voice wasn’t pleasant, because as much as it annoyed him, it was. It was the fact that the nurses had begun gushing over the host’s new boe and speculations had begun to fly. Not that it was at all surprising since three weeks ago the infamous two had shown up at the ER, demanding to see a still unnamed doctor. Lucky the privacy act was there to save Eddie’s well sculpted ass. If only he could ban this station on his floor, then maybe he could get some work done. 

A nurse nearly squealed when Richie’s voice continued on through the speaker, her excitable tone making Eddie’s ears bleed. She leaned over the counter, holding out his patients files with an ear to ear grin. “Who do you think he is Dr. K? I heard he is someone from cardiology.” 

Eddie huffed, rolling his eyes. “I don’t know and don’t care. Frankly, I hate this station. Kidd Kraddick is better than this garbage.” 

“Awe, don’t be bitter.” Mike’s mocking tone came from the other side of the large station, a cheeky smile making Eddie’s chest burn with annoyance. “Eddie here just has a thing for Trashmouth and doesn't want anyone to know.” 

“I do not,” he barked back, grinding his teeth. “And shouldn’t you be in room sixteen? Flor Smith needs blood drawn.” 

“It’s okay Dr. K, I have a thing for Trashmouth too.” The nurse blurted, a slight blush tinting her proclin cheeks. “I think he’s sexy. I mean his voice alone has gotten me to cl-” 

“Okay, yeah, I’m done with this conversation.” Eddie groaned, rubbing the bridge of his nose. He pointed to his best friend, ignoring the laughter that came from where he sat. “You just make sure you get that blood work done so I can discharge the patient and for the love of God,” he gestured to the radio, which now blared the newest hit, making his head throb, “please turn that down people are trying to work.” 

“Damn, take a chill pill Doctor,” an older and much pissier nurse retorted, sticking her nose so far up in the air it was a wonder how she saw a word on the paperwork that she was writing on. “All Candy did was admit she wanted to fuck the guy, no need to be rude.” 

Eddie’s mouth twitched, a boiling anger bubbling just under his skin. Puffing out his chest, he slammed the paperwork back onto the counter loudly. This caught the entire station’s attention, their eyes now focused on the short man. “You know what-”

“Uh, Eddie?” Mike cut in, moving so quickly he became a blur against the white walls. His hand was then on his friend's shoulder, putting water on his raging flame. “Weren't you supposed to take lunch like an hour ago? Don’t you think it’s a good time for that?” 

The tension fizzled, and Eddie dropped his gaze from the bitchy nurse. It was well known that doctors and nurses typically had bad blood, and although Eddie did his best to stay on level ground, he still found resistance from time to time. Normally he would brush it off, but with Richie’s name in their mouth they had a weapon against him that they didn't even know about. With a nod to Mike he left, the whispering beginning almost the moment he turned and took the first step. 

He cursed himself the entire way to the elevator, praying to every deity that he hadn’t just shit the bed. Things, it seemed, had become more complicated than he had initially planned. It had been against every fiber in his being that he began to enjoy Richie’s company, the four eyed fool breaking down every barrier that he had built. Ever since he had jumped from that bridge his life had began to take a spiral, whether that be downward or upward, it was still unclear. 

Bill had become more and more distant, ignoring his messages and feeding him false excuses when plans fell through. It hurt, much more than Eddie wanted to admit. Sure, moving in with someone was a big deal-huge even-but the closer the date got, the less time he spent with his friend. It was unfair, rude and confusing. Did he do something wrong? Did Stan hate him that much that he would ban Bill from even speaking to him? Why was this happening now? 

At the same time, things with Richie had taken an unexpected turn. Where there had been heated whispers, there was now tearful laughter. Where their lustful touches had set fire to their flames, there were now grazes that calmed storms. They hadn’t had sex since Beverly’s engagement party, hell they hadn’t even talked about that besides Richie’s jokes. Despite himself, they were now freinds, texting regularly and seeing one another every other night. It was easy to let Richie fill in Bill’s place, and as much as it pained him it seemed to be happening without his control. 

The park beside the hospital was busy, people using the beautiful day to their advantages. Joggers moved along the sidewalk, families sat in the lush grass amidst their picnics and a doctor who was currently moping sat on a bench, digging his heels into the concrete. The noise was pleasant and relaxing, washing away the argument he had had with the nurses. His mind wandered, never settling on one subject too long. He contemplated trying Bill again, feeling a sudden need to hear his voice. Without thinking much further he pulled out his cellphone, opening up his recent messages. Richie’s newest text was at the top of his list, asking him about some fundraiser that was going on at the hospital, one that apparently he and Beverly had been hired to host. 

Eddie smiled, scrolling past Richie’s contact along with Mike and Beverly's friendly conversations. Which landed him on Bill, who hadn’t replied to his text from three days before. His thumb hovered for a moment, contemplating if he was maybe acting out of eagerness and not thinking properly. He debated letting it all blow over, allowing the strings that had attached them together to fade. After all, isn’t this what he had wanted? Years ago he was doing the same thing to Bill, trying desperately to get free of the hooks that had embedded themselves into his skin. Now, here he was crawling back to his former lover like a stray dog. The universe sure had a strange way of turning the tables on him. 

Keeping his mind blank he pressed the call button, sighing heavily as he fought against himself, killing the app and locking his phone. His hands moved to his face, rubbing deep circles around his brow line and temples. Change was hard, he of all people knew that. It just seemed that things were changing too fast, leaving him with whiplash. His best friend was now a stranger, his lover now a friend. Nights that were once filled with reruns and self masterbation were now overtaken by family style dinners and engaging conversation. Hell, he even had people who had been strangers now including him in their wedding next year. The world was turning, and Eddie was at the center of it all. 

There was a vibration in his hand, an incoming call killing his thoughts dead. Raising an eyebrow he looked at the screen, surprised to see Richie’s name flash across the screen. He debated ignoring it, but changed his mind and pressed the green button. Half smirking, he put the phone to his ear. “Is there a reason you are calling me at one o’clock in the afternoon? Shouldn’t you be on the air?” 

“We are on a commercial break, and since you always take lunch at least an hour late I figured you would be mopping in the park or something.” Richie’s light tone came through, exactly pinpointing Eddie which should be weird, but came across as endearing. “Tell me if I’m wrong, Eds.” 

Eddie’s mouth formed a thin line, unamused. “First off, stop calling me Eds, Eddie is already a nickname. Secondly, I’m not moping! I just needed some fresh air since you’ve got my entire floor on a wild goose chase, trying to figure out who Doctor Sexy is. I thought I told you to stop talking about me on your show.” 

“Hey it’s not my fault! That lady called in!” 

“Oh please, I know you have someone filtering those calls.” Eddie nipped, rolling his eyes. 

“Yeah, and it’s not me but hey, does that mean you were listening? I’m so flattered. Awe, you love the show! You should see me I’m blushing, aren’t I blushing Bev?” There was a girl's voice in the background, her curse words making Eddie chuckle. Richie scoffed, “Thanks for nothing Beverly.” 

Eddie fought back a smile but faltered, giving way to his cheeky grin. “So back to my first question, why are you calling?” 

“Oh yeah, right,” he muttered through the speaker and Eddie could practically see him rolling his wrist and shaking his head. “So this thing I’ve got to host this weekend, I was wondering since it’s at your hospital, that you’d want to tag along with the station.” 

“I’m sorry but it sounds like you’ve assumed that I want to be at work on my day off.” 

“Come on Eds...” Richie whined, making Eddie roll his eyes. “Hanging with the host comes with its advantages! All the ice cream you can eat and we get to taste test all of the food trucks.” 

Eddie scoffed, “Great, sugar to rot my teeth and greasy burgers to clot my arteries. Sounds like a blast.” 

“But EDDDIIIEEEEE IT’S FOR THE KIDS!!!”

“Oh my God that was my ear!” he huffed, pulling the phone far enough to stop the ringing. Sighing, he looked around, noticing a few stares from people passing by. Clearing his throat he lowered his voice as to not embarrass himself any further. “Richie, come on. You know I don’t want people at my work to know that I’m the one you’ve talked about screwing on live FM. That would ruin my reputation, and start a huge conflict with my coworkers.” 

“We can be discreet. It’s an open event, no one will know you came with us.” 

“Richie, I don’t think-”

“Fuck I have to go back on the air,” Richie cut. “Look, just think about it. It’s not like you’ve got anything better to do and I know Mike would enjoy some free grub. Just let me know by thursday so we can get your tickets. Gotta go, talk to you soon.” 

“Okay.” Eddie sighed, wrinkling his nose and looking to his watch. “Talk to you later Rich, and keep my name out of your mouth.” 

“I’ll do my best.” 

“Bye.” 

“Bye, Eds.” The phone went dead then, leaving Eddie with a dial tone and a light heart. He bit his lip and lowered the phone, a warmth spreading through his chest. It was like this sometimes, with Richie. Most of their time spent together gave him a headache but there were moments where he would forget everything -Bill, their sexual past- and become engulfed with all that was Richard Tozier. It wasn’t easy but when it happened, it was enough to make him a giddy teenager again. Maybe this was what a healthy friendship was, mild happiness wrapped in an idiotic package. 

Looking at his watch he figured it was time to head back, his lunch coming to an abrupt end. Groaning, he forced himself to stand, thinking of a way to avoid the nurses station the rest of his shift. Fuck, he hoped Mike sweet talked them enough to smooth things over. Turning heel he began the short walk back, knowing that within three days this same park would be transformed into a wild fundraiser for their new pediatric ward. And now, thanks to Richie, he was actually thinking about attending. Eddie groaned, “I’m gonna end up going aren’t I?” Nodding, he shrugged, “Yeah, probably.” 

“Eddie?” 

The voice made the doctor freeze, a chill running down his spine. Swallowing thickly he turned, his heart pounding painfully against his ribcage. “Bill?” He choked out, his throat burning and his face flustering. “W-what are you doing here?”

“Do you have a minute? I think we need to talk.” 

\-------------

“God fucking damn it!” 

How Richie managed to avoid tape guns during his 26 years of life was beyond him. They were the stupidest thing on the face of the earth. All those things did was make the entire packing process that much more difficult. If the end wasn’t disappearing than the middle was twisting. If the middle wasn’t twisting than all hell's breaking loose. Why didn’t boxes just come assembled, then things would be that much easier. Actually, moving as a whole was stupid. Yep that was it, Beverly was right, he should have just hired movers to do this shit for him. 

“Yes,” Richie sang, cutting the like of tape form the now closed box. “One down and like a hundred more to go.” Looking around the front room he frowned, Stan’s own boxes already packed and labeled. It was like a bad dream, moving away from their shared apartment and into a small studio. Sure, the view was better and the commute to work was shorter but it all seemed so….lonely. Even with all the love and support from his friends-old and new-it all was all so gut wrenchingly painful. Change was happening, and it was dragging Richie along with it, kicking and screaming. 

The door to the apartment opened focing the trashmouth to look up. If life were a cartoon, steam would be coming out of Stan’s ears and nose and his face would be as read as a tomato. Years of experience taught Richie all he needed to know about his best friends rather short fuse and when he got worked up...he really got worked up. Although he was always cute when he was mad. 

“Hey there Stanny, how was work?” There was only a small growl as a reply making Richie cringe. “Let me guess, all that boring work as an accountant has finally gotten to you and now you want to run away with me. I mean, I guess if that’s what you want but I will warn you, I like to cuddle and so you are going to have to-”

“Ugh, cut the shit Rich. I’m not in the mood for your jokes.” 

To be fair it was only half a joke. Richie muttered a apology, watching his roommate sit down on the couch and took up the space beside him. There was an awkward silence, followed by Stan’s heavy sigh and his even heavier words. “I think Bill is going to leave me.” 

“I’m sorry. What?” Richie sputtered, unprepared for the weight of his friends confession. He looked to Stan, hoping for him to shout ‘psych’ and they would laugh about it because his and Bill’s relationship was perfect-disgustingly so. But there was no laughter, no hint of it in Stan’s cold, dark eyes. Richie sucked in sharply through his front teeth, his chest aching at the sight of his love’s lost face. “What happened?” 

“It’s like he’s a different person. Ever since I convinced him to back off Eddie he’s been distancing himself, ignoring the little things that he used to never miss.” Stan said, looking to at his fingers and sighing. 

“Well Eddie is his best friend.” Richie said, reaching over to cover Stan’s hands with his own. He was so warm, so welcoming. It was hard to forget that what they had wasn’t intimate when the feelings that were rushing through him felt so intense. It was a pull in him, a undying need that ate him alive. When they were apart it was easy but when they were like this, sitting next to each other with their hearts on the coffee table it was hard, so goddamn hard that it physically hurt. Richie closed his eyes, trying to remind himself that Stan wasn't his and never would be. “You can’t ask him to stop caring for someone who he’s known almost his whole life. It’s not fair.”

“Fair?” Stan hissed, pulling his hand away as if Richie had burned him. “That relationship isn’t fair! I’ve put up with Eddie’s shit for so long and what where has it gotten me? Huh? It’s bullshit! That fucking snake is trying to fuck up our relationship, he wants Bill all to himself and is just waiting for the moment I break. How is that fair to me Richie? How am I supposed to be okay with that!” 

Richie blinked, unable to even process everything. He recoiled a little, sitting back into the sofa and staring into his friends flustered face. “Woah, that’s a lot to unload.” He muttered, rubbing the back of his neck. “So do you want me to answer honestly or do you want the bullshit?” 

Stan faluthered for a moment, “Excuse me?” 

“Look, we’ve been friends for a long time right?” Stan nodded, “So there is the bullshit answer you give friends, when you feed them what they want to hear so that it’ll make it all better and then there’s the truth. I care about you Stan, so fucking much but you can be such an idiot sometimes.” 

“Is that the truth?” 

“It is.” Richie nodded, his stomach becoming heavy with guilt. “Eddie isn’t the problem here.” This made Stan snort, “I’m serious! Did you know that when you and Bill started dating, he wanted take a step away, that he respected your relationship so much he was willing to drop Bill like that.” Richie snapped his fingers, the noise like a bullet in the dark. Politely he waited for his friends reply but when it never came he chose to continue. “Do you think that was easy? I would never be willing to do that with you, not ever.” 

“So if he wanted to back off then why didn’t he? Why is he still around ever fucking corner?” Stan asked, his tone still sharp but there was a bit of confusion interlacing in his words. “I don’t understand.” 

“Bill didn’t want the space, and because Eddie loves him-” Richie stopped, the truth burning his throat as he forced it out, “he couldn’t help but stay. It’s hard to refuse the one you love, even harder to watch them love someone else.” Of Course he was speaking from experience now, biting at his lip until copper began to leak. “Hating him is your choice but you should try to look at it from his perspective. Try and understand rather than to push against it all.” 

Stan stayed quiet, staring past Richie at something unseen. Minutes skipped by them, the air becoming heavy with unspoken emotion. “Does he hate me?” Stan whispered, finally registering Richie’s gaze, “Eddie I mean, does he hate me?” 

“No.” Richie replied honestly, “He doesn’t.” 

“Then maybe I should try and actually get along with him. If he’s that important to Bill then he should be important to me too.” A small smiled tugged at the corner of his lips, something that gave Richie butterflies. “Thanks you, I knew I could count on you.” 

“Yeah sure.” The trashmouth brushed, gathering himself and standing. “Anytime.” He grabbed the one box he had managed to pack and began to head to his room, needing a breather from the intoxication that Stan omitted. 

“Hey Richie?” Stan called, halting his friend. 

“Yeah?” 

“You and Eddie, are you two-”

“No.” He blurted, the back of his neck burning as he chuckled. “Oh god no. Don’t be ridiculous Stan, you know you are the only man for me!” 

Stan smiled his contagious smile, making Richie want to jump from their shared balcony. “Beep beep Richie.” He whispered softly, releasing the tension. “Look, I’ve got to meet up with some coworkers at the office but you should probably pick up the pace on packing. It’s been three weeks and you’ve got one box. Pathetic.” 

Richie forced a smile, “I’m just procrastinating because I’m in love with you.” 

“Yeah whatever.” Stan laughed, rolling his eyes and strolling back to the front door. “No matter how much you sweet talk me I am not helping you pack.” The confession was pushed to the side and left there to wither and die. Stan ignored the joke, just like always but the agonizing truth was-

It wasn’t a joke, it never was. Stan left then, leaving Richie with a aching hole in his chest and a shit ton to still to do to prepare for the move that was a week and a half away. Shaking his head he moved to his bedroom, the only place that Stan’s essence didn’t touch. He tried to work but found himself sitting in the center of his bed dialing a familiar number and hoping they answered. When the ringing stopped a chipper and calming voice came through.

“Hi I’m not able to get to the phone right now but leave your name and number and I will get back to you as soon as I can.”

Richie sighed, rubbing at the water that began to gather in his eyes “Hey Eds.” He breathed, the nickname making his tongue tingle. “It’s me. I was wanting to see if you were free tonight but you’re apparently busy. Call me back when you can.” Ending the call he collapsed, which was where he lay until Eddie’s call came.

Nearly six hours later.


	11. Drunken Rejections

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not edited, so if you read be ready for all my mistakes.

“You have got to be kidding me.” 

“No.” Eddie replied, looking into the deep darkness of his black coffee. It felt weird, sitting in one of the many waiting rooms with his friend across from him. The air between them was thick and clingy, leaving a disgusting trail along his skin. It had been about two hours since he had spoken to Bill in the park and the brick in his stomach had only grown. “I kind of wish I was.” 

“I can’t believe it, I mean they haven't been together all that long.” 

This made the doctor shrug, figuring that it had been in the horizon for a while but the implications still had quite a bite. “I guess when it’s right, it’s right.” This made Mike cringe, his friend leaning back in the shitty chair with a groan. Eddie tried to ignore the burning stare, instead focusing on the heat that slowly warmed his fingertips. “If he makes Bill happy, then I should be be happy. Right?” 

“Well are you happy?” Mike pressed, adjusting his scrubs with one hand. 

“I thought I was.” He answered, frowning at his own words. “I thought that I was past all of this, really past it. Things have been great, I haven't felt like this in a long time but when I saw him today, it all came flooding back. When he told me that he was going to propose I thought I was going to die right there on the bench.” 

Mike was quiet for a moment, the words sitting heavily on Eddie’s chest. There were a few guests and employees that walked by, ignoring the conversation, completely unaware of the heartbreak that lay just a few feet away. If they only knew what was happening, if they could feel what he felt than they would have Eddie admitted instantly. “Maybe this is for the best, maybe if Bill goes through with it then you can really move on.” 

“Maybe.” Eddie repeated, taking a long drink from the cup in his hands, appreciating the bitterness in his throat. It kept him grounded when all he wanted to do was fly away. “Honestly I just don’t know anymore..” 

“Hmm.” Mike mummed from his chest, carefully watching his friend. “You know I’m here for you right? You’re my best friend Eddie, and I love you. If you need anything-”

“Please don’t pity me.” Eddie nipped, rubbing the bridge of his nose as Mikes sympathetic tone gnawed at his flesh. “The last thing I need is for you to feel sorry for me.” He didn’t want to be rude, not to the only person who had been by his side this entire time but he felt so vulnerable right now and didn’t want the loaded sentiment. Sighing he continued in a softer tone, “This shouldn’t be that hard, people get married all the time why is this-”

“Because it’s Bill.” Mike cut, causing the doctor to grimace. “It’s Bill and it’s Stan and it’s the next step that puts you further away from it all. It’s hard because deep down, down past where your conscious lies, you are still holding out hope that you two would be together and now-” He trailed off, not finishing what they both already knew. 

There was a vibration coming from Eddie’s pocket, making him jump slightly. Mike chuckled as he pulled it out, shaking his head in amusement. Eddie stared into the obnoxious face that now covered his screen, a lighter feeling replacing the one in his chest. He debated answering it, but chose not to due to his current circumstances. Sending the picture away he rolled his eyes, glancing back up to his awaiting friend. “Richie.” He explained casually, stuffing the mobile device back into its rightful place. “Probably wanting to know if we are going to that fundraiser this weekend.” 

“So speaking of Richie.” Mike muttered, the name dancing on his tongue. “What’s going on between you two huh?”

“What do you mean?” 

“You know what I mean.” He shot right back, a small grin tugging at the corner of his lips. “You two have been eerily close, are you two-”

“No.” Eddie nearly growled, “No, we are just friends.”

“Friends who fuck or?” 

Eddie shook his head, chewing on his bottom lip. “We haven't-uh you know-in over three months and that was back at Beverly’s engagement party. It’s different now, or at least it feels different. I don’t know what it is but he’s grown on me ya know? Kinda like a leach.” 

“You like him.” Mike mocked, making a kissy face at his best friends scowl. “You like that smart mouth of his, I know you do. Eddie and Richie kissing in a tree, K-I-S-S-” 

“Please stop.” He blurted, surprised by his own tone. The lump in his throat became more pronounced, forcing him to swallow roughly. Never in a million years did he think the dynamic between him and the crude radio host would turn so...comfortable and for whatever reason he wasn’t even upset. He meant what he had said, Richie had grown on him and where he was nothing in the past, now he was at the forefront of Eddie’s life. His head was spinning with a million thoughts at once, a smile forcing itself onto his lips. 

Maybe he did like Richie. 

What was this world coming to? 

Mike raised a brow, leaning against his knees with a amused smile. “If there is even a tiny bit of you that likes him, you need to tell him because he likes you too.” This made the doctor snort, turning his nose up in disbelief. “I’m serious, I see the way he looks at you, we all do! Trust me, the feeling is mutual even if you two are too stupid to see it.” 

Eddie didn’t even argue. “But Bill-”

“Is never going to happen.” Mike finished for him, a small fall to his face indicating his sympathy. “I’m sorry but the sooner you move on, the sooner you can open up to new possibilities. You of all people deserve to be happy Eddie, and maybe Richie can do that for you.” 

Eddie took a moment to wrap his head around it all, the words slowly sinking in. Happy? Could Eddie ever truly be happy after it was all said and done? Who knew, but one thing was apparent, he needed to get his shit figured out or he was going to drown in it all. Shaking off the emotion that ached in his bones he looked to Mike and playfully said, “I thought you hated him.” 

Mike chuckled, “Like you said, he’s a leach.” 

“Dr. Kaspbrak, room 231 is asking for you.” A nurse said as she stepped into the waiting room, breaking the conversation completely. “She says that her elbow hurts? I don’t know, she won’t talk to anyone except you.” 

“Thank you Shelley, I’ll be right there.” Eddie said, standing from his chair. This must have been satisfactory because the woman nodded and left, not speaking another word. Downing the rest of his coffee, Eddie tossed the paper cup into the trash, clearing his throat and regaining his composure. 

“So are we going to the fundraiser Saturday?” Mike asked, following his friend out of the room. 

“Maybe.” Eddie replied, “I’ll call Richie back after my shift.” 

And that he did, but it wasn’t a conversation about the coming weekend. 

\----

His ceiling looked all wrong. The more he looked, the more it changed before his eyes. Faces and pictures began to form and although he was sure it was just because he was drunk it still creeped him out. Sleep evaded him, his mind was wandering so fast that the bed under him was moving, although that could be the empty bottle of bourbon on his bedside table. He had shedded tears, whispered sweet confessions and now all that was left was a limp body above the sheets. His heart was in pieces on the floor, waiting for him to put the broken shards back together. It wasn’t the first time he had fallen apart, but it had been so long since the last time that he had forgotten the immense pain that in entailed. 

He was in love. 

And nothing seemed to compare. 

Time seemed irrelevant, slipping past him without his knowledge. Stan had been gone nearly six hours now and Richie supposed that he wouldn’t be back tonight. The phone on his bedside table was long forgotten,it’s presence so irrelevant that than a weighted brick. He was waiting for a call, but in his drunken state he couldn’t remember from who. The longer he lay, the deeper he fell and soon there would be nothing left of Richard Tozier. 

The vibration coming from his left caused him to stir, it sounded so annoying to his buzzing ears making Richie want to yell at the disturbance. Rolling onto his side he reached for the mobile device, knocking the bottle that he had carefully laid there early to the ground, shattering it all over his carpeted floor. He cursed, grunted and huffed until he felt the intended target brush against his finger tips. Smiling he pulled the phone to his face, the blurred face of Eddie filling his screen, making a different warmth fill his belly. Pressing the green button he placed the speaker to his ear. “EEEDDSSS” He blurted loudly, “What a surprise!” 

“I uh-” The voice on the other side stammered, obviously taken aback by Richie’s slurred words. “You’re the one who called me, remember?”

“Nope.” He answered with a pop. 

“Are you drunk?” 

“Yup.” Again, replying with the same popping noise. “Figured I deserved it ya know. I got a whole box packed today! Aren’t you proud of me Spaghetti Man?” 

“No.” Eddie hissed, sounding angry for some reason. Richie shook his head, the fuzziness in his brain clouding the thought that tried to pass though. “You know what, fuck this. I don’t want to talk to you when you are like this so just call me tomorrow when-”

“No! Don’t go Eds! I like talking to you!” Richie whined, squirming against his sheets. “Don’t go, please don’t go. I need you right now, you’re the only person I can talk to.” 

“Richie.” Eddie breathed, his voice dropping low. “What’s really going on?” 

The sinking feeling returned to Richie then, the question burning his already flushed ears. He choked out a small squeak, biting back he brimming tears in his eyes. “That’s the question isn’t it?” He whispered into the receiver. “What in the hell is going on with me?” There was a disgusting taste in his mouth, making his head spin. “I thought I could do it Eds, I thought I could move out without tearing myself apart but today with Stan, it hurt. Bad.” 

Eddie sighed, muttering something that Ricie couldn’t make out. It took a few moments but eventually his kind voice filled his ears. “Moving on is going to be hard but it’s possible. You love him but you can’t have him, it’s just that simple.” 

“But what if I’m ruining my chances of having him if I leave, what if-”

“Richie listen to me.” Eddie cut sharply, making the trashmouth jolt into some sense of sobriety. “What you are doing is not healthy, I would know, I’ve been doing the same thing for years. Yes, maybe someday Stan will wake up and realize what a great guy you are and what an idiot he is for losing you but what if he doesn’t? You are wasting yourself away waiting for something that might never even happen.” Richie choked on his breath, pressing the phone into his ear, eager to hear Eddie’s voice. “You are worth so much more than this Rich, you’ve just got to pull your head above water to see it.”

Richie chuckled awkwardly, not knowing what to do with the feeling in his veins. “Didn’t know you cared so much about me Eds, if I didn’t know any better I’d think you actually like me.” The silence was deafening. Richie prayed for Eddie to come back with a witty comment, or to insult him and his drunken accusations but it never came, the only thing that came though was Eddie’s soft breathing. “Because that would just be stupid, you liking me.” 

“Would it?” Eddie asked.

“Yes.” Richie choked out, his intoxicated viel cushioning the blow he threw at himself. “We are too much alike, too damaged to-” He stopped himself, silent tears trailing down his face. Forcing himself to sit he rubbed at his scorching cheeks, desperately trying to erase his own emotions. “I can’t ruin our friendship Eddie, not for that. I’m sorry, it’s not you it’s-”

“Don’t.” Eddie shot, a slight tear on his voice. If Richie wasn’t drunk then maybe he could hear the tears, feel the pull in his tone but alas, the world didn’t work like that. “Don’t do that Richie, please.” 

“I’m sorry.” He slurred, a painful throb beginning to start between his brows. “If things were different, if I didn’t love Stan so goddamn much them maybe we could try and-”

“It’s fine.” Then all of a sudden, Eddie was back. His voice was firm and quick, cutting off Richies reasoning. “I called because you left me a message, and since you are drunk off your ass and I am a medical professional I recommend you eat some bread, drink some water and go to bed because Beverly will kill you if you have a hangover for your show tomorrow.” 

“Eds.” Richie whined. 

“What?” He answered agonizingly sharply. 

“I’m so sorry.” Richie confessed, breaking a piece of his soul and offering it up to the boy through the phone. His stomach twisted into a knot, making him clutch at his sides. It was pressing himself against a brick wall, trying to shatter it as if it was glass. The tears were creating paths along his cheeks, relinquishing his tired and broken heart. 

“Me too.” Eddie said, equally as soft and timid. “Go sober up. You have work tomorrow.” 

“Okay, but hey I’ll see you Saturday right? F-for the fundraiser?” He added in the meetup, desperate not to lose whatever they had built together over one drunken let down. Eddie sighed and Richie went into panic mode, fueled by the liquor he had consumed. “Come on, Mike will love it and I know Ben wants to show you his plans for his new building and please, just please come because I want you to be there and-”

“Okay.” Eddie barked, “Okay I’ll go.” 

Richie couldn’t help but smile. “Good. See you then?” 

“Yeah, see you then.” He replied, hanging up the phone abruptly. It left Richie sitting in the middle of his bed, staring at the blank wall with a dial tone in his ear. Everything began to soak in, making his belly ache. Eddie liked him, and for whatever reason, he had rejected it all. What the fukcing hell is wrong with him? 

Suddenly his stomach demanded to be heard, ripping through him like a knife. Jumping to his feet, he bolted towards his bathroom only slightly noticing the sharp stab in his foot. He just made it in time, emptying the contents into the toilet. The smell was rancid, the noise even worse. Still he felt like he deserved it, the earth spinning under him violently. When it ended he whimpered, falling onto his butt with a thud. 

Looking around he noticed a pool of blood under his foot, the pain almost non existent. “Awesome.” He whined, running his fingers through his matted curls and winching when they tugged at his scalp. “This is all so awesome.” He whispered to his bleeding heel. “What now?” 

His body answered, forcing him to vomit once again. This time, when he finished, Richie was unsure what happened next because he woke the next morning to his blaring alarm as he lay on the bathroom floor. The ache in his muscles told him stories he didn’t want to hear and when he checked his phone he realized the mistake he had really made. 

Only it was too late.


	12. Festival Fun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Unedited****

“Alright, so here we are Saint Joseph's fundraiser and if you aren’t joining us, what are you doing with your life?”

“A little harsh trashmouth but yes, please take the time to stop by and help raise money for a great cause. There are games and rides for the kids, food for mom and beer for dad. And there will be us, we will be broadcasting all day so please come by the booth and tell us how much you love us. Trashmouth eats that stuff right up.” 

“And don’t turn that dial, we will be back after this set of tunes and the commercial break that keeps the lights running.” Richie finished, his voice cutting off to the sound of Toto by Africa. A smile curled at the corner of his lips, the familiar song reminding him of a rather sexy time he had spent with a man who would turn around and flip his life upside down, which is where he currently was with his heels in the air and head up his ass. 

After the drunken phone call, Richie woke up on his bathroom floor with a shooting pain in both his foot and head. He could vaguely remember the sound of Eddie’s voice, the sad tone, the soft spoken words. There was disappointment in the pit of his stomach, something he was accustomed to with Stan’s upcoming departure but in some way felt different….stronger even. Out of curiosity he dialed his last caller, getting his voicemail instantly. They wouldn’t talk for two days after, but not for lack of trying on Richie’s end. Eddie was apparently busy, but assured him through text that he would be at the fundraiser just like he had promised. 

So here he sat at his booth, two hours into the festivities with doubt clouding his mind. 

Fidgeting in his chair, he scanned the crowd, nervously biting on the bottom of his lip. There was no sign of his friend, tightening the knot in his stomach. “You know, he’s not gonna appear out of thin air.” Beverly’s sharp voice rang in his ear, making him jump. “He told you he would stop by, so give him a chance to stop by.” 

“I just don’t want to miss him is all.” Richie replied, rolling his eyes and pulling off his headphones. “You know how short he is, and for some reason all these kids are freakishly tall. He’s probably gonna be eaten alive in these crowds.” It was a joke, well half of one which earned not even a chuckle from his co-host. 

Scoffing, Beverly took off her own equipment, turning her body slightly with a curious brow raised. “So are we going to talk about why you are are on edge or?” 

“I’m not on edge.” Richie corrected, shifting his weight. 

“Right, and I’m Oprah.” 

“Can you buy me a car then?”

“Come on Rich,” Beverly cooed, her lips tugging downward as he eyes softened. “You’re my best friend, I know when something has you freaking out. You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to but just know that I’m here alright? I’m here if you need me.” 

Richie’s heart tightened, guilt and reality pressing down his shoulders. Something was brewing on his horizon, something life changing and he wondered if he would be prepared for the inevitable capsize. “I think I really fucked up this time.” He muttered, staring past his friend. “A few nights ago, I got all worked up about the move, and Stan and just everything, so I had a few too many drinks ended up answering a phone call from Eddie.” 

“So you confessed that you have a thing for him?” Beverly guessed, shrugging. “That doesn’t seem so bad, I mean you know how sentimental you get when you are tipsy just tell him you.” 

“I think I did the exact opposite.” 

“What?” 

Richie swallowed the lump in his throat, “I think Eddie confessed to me about-well you know-and I think I turned him down. I don’t really know for sure because I was shitfaced, and it’s not like I can just up and ask him but he’s gotten really distant and aloof and-I don’t know- it just know it’s my fault.” 

“Wow.” Beverly hummed, shaking her head in what Richie could only assume was disapproval. “Why in the hell would you do that?” 

“I don’t know.” He admitted, “I was upset and drunk and I guess the whole Stan thing had gotten me all crazy in the head and it just came out.” It was a punch to his gut, making the urge to vomit overcome him. “I didn’t mean it-I just-”

“It’s okay Richie.” His friend soothed, rubbing his shoulder in support. “It was just a mistake, I’m sure Eddie knows that you were too wasted to even comprehend what you were saying. Just talk to him, tell him the truth.” 

“Right.” Richie snorted, turing his nose upward. “What do I say? ‘Hey Eds, sorry about the other night. I was drunk and sad about my love for another man and that’s why I said those things and oh yeah, I kinda have a thing for you but I also can’t get over my roommate.’” 

“Well when you put it that way-”

There was a groan that came from his chest, rumbling his bones. “Awesome,fucking awesome.” He grumbled under his breath, listening to the commercial that blared through their speakers. “What now?” The question was mostly for himself, although Beverly was right there with reassuring words, he knew he was in a hole and even the strongest version of himself couldn’t climb out of. 

\---------

The fundraiser was in full swing by the time Mike’s car pulled into the parking lot. It was a madhouse, with people from all over the state coming in for the big event. It had been well advertised, and with KWCH sending their best team to cover it, things were sure to only get even crazier. Eddie knew he was going to see coworkers here, which he was very much against and since he has had a short fuse lately they hadn’t taken a shine to his rude words. Fucking christ he wished he was still at home. Or atleast anywhere but here. 

“This is as good as it’s gonna get.” Mike spoke, pulling into a parking spot. Killing the engine he turned to his friend and half smiled, a sign of sympathy he had been doing more and more lately. “You ready for this?” 

“Honestly?”

“Look I know you’ve been kind of in a slump lately, but I really think this will be good for you.” This made Eddie shift in his seat, remembering the rejection that awaited him inside of those gates. “There’s going to be plenty of people here. So flirt, mingle, god get laid if you want to, just try and have some fun.” 

“Fun is for the weak.” Eddie growled, crossing his arms defensively. “I can’t even remember the last time I had fun.” 

“We can go.” Mike offered, jingling his keys. “You can just buy me lunch and we will be square. I know you have been avoiding something and although I’m usually against sheltering, I am also craving a good burger.” 

His smile was contagious, forcing Eddie to grow his own. “Thanks Mikey but I said I would go and I am nothing if not a man of my word.” Looking out the window he knew he had to atleast make an appearance, even if it was only for a moment. It didn’t seem like Richie remembered their painful conversation but Eddie sure as hell did. He had spent the past two days avoiding contact all together, not that it helped at all because Richie couldn’t take a fucking hint if his life depended on it. Still, everyone else was expecting him and Bill made him promise he would show so his hands were tied. Even though didn’t want to see Richie, he would have to face reality eventually and as he stepped out of the car he wondered if he would even be able to keep his head above water. 

The happy voices and laughter floated through the air like a breeze making Eddie’s skin crawl. Everything seemed so simple here, like some kind of a move, kids played games while parents watched on. All the while the chilling sound of Richie’s voice blared through the speakers, his light tone blending into the background. Mike lead him through the grounds, heading towards the middle of it all. Eddie kept his eye open, expecting to be ambushed by either his friends or angry coworkers. He felt so out of place, like a stigma on the entire fundraiser and at any minute he would be kicked out for being such a party pooper. 

Richie’s booth came into view, his smile like a beacon in the darkened night. Eddie wanted to scream, to tell himself how absolutely stupid he was but his throat was horse and his tongue was tired. Time had not good to Eddie, and now it was like it was all crashing back into him. Mike noticed his sudden halt, looking back in confusion. Clearing his throat, the doctor forced a fake grin, one that he had been preparing the entire way. It felt wrong in so many ways and for a moment it was as if Mike was going to call his bluff but the warry passed and they continued along their way. 

As they grew near Beverly was the one to notice then, her eyes brightening and lips curling. She waved them closer, pointing to her headphones indicating their on air presence. Both Mike and Eddie nodded, showing their understanding. It was mindless banter, a back and forth that the two had mastered long before they had ever known either of them. People stopped and stared, some even cheering their names. It was like a painted masterpiece for all to see. 

Eventually Richie’s eyes met Eddie’s, recosition covering every inch of his face. He waved entuasicacly, stopping the conversation mid way to communicate that he saw the two of them. The simple action alone awaken the dormant butterflies in the doctors stomach, hsi head bowing down and his gaze dropping. As they finally reached the booth, the radio set began, playing a familiar tune that Eddie had grown to hate over the past two days. 

“You guys finally made it!” Beverly said as she pulled off her headphones off. “Trafic? Or were you just avoiding coming all together.” 

“Ah, you know me.” Mike playfully replied. “Couldn’t leave the house until I looked absolutely perfect!” This made her chuckle, and even Eddie believed the lie. 

Lingering behind his friend Eddie made no effort to engage in conversation, instead watching the crowd aimlessly. Bees filled his head, his heart floating upward towards the sky. What ended up grounding him was a honey smooth voice that called him back to reality. “Earth to Eds...did you even hear me?” 

“What?” He snapped back to notice the trashmouth standing right infront of him, smiling like a cheshire. His friends laughed, mocking him in a way that they had no way of knowing about. Clearing his throat, he tried to regain composure, “Sorry, what were you talking about?” 

“I asked if you wanted to go check out the food court.” Richie replied, bouncing on the balls of his feet. “The taco lady has a thing for me so I can get us some free grub.” 

“Uh, I think I’m alright.” Eddie muttered, rolling his eyes. “I’m not really into prostitution ridden Mexican food.” 

“Okay, we can skip the food court.” He shot right back, not missing a beat. “They have games, a silent auction and even a magician we can watch. He’s mainly for the kids but you’re so short I’m sure no one would notice.” 

Eddie shot him a unamused glare, annoyed by his persistence and insult. “You aren’t going to take no for an answer are you?” Richie shook his head, making the doctor sigh in defeat. “What about your show? You’ve got an obligation to stay here and entertain.” 

“Well Mike can cover him.” Beverly oh so hopefully offered. “We’ve been meaning to do a ‘what’s wrong with me’ segment and having a registered nurse to answer their questions will really get a long of call ins.” 

“Wouldn’t having an actual doctor work even better?” Eddie shot right back, desperately trying to wiggle his way out of spending time with his four eyed friend. “I mean, it’s not like I couldn’t do the exact same thing.” 

“You hate answering stupid medical questions.” Mike interjected, his tone suspicious. “The other day you cussed out a man on the street that was asking you about a mole.” 

“Okay, that man was trying to show me his penis.” Eddie whined, flustered at the memory alone. “On the subway, I mean come on! What else was I supposed to do?” This made Mike burst into laughter, to which only made Eddie that much more annoyed. 

“Come one Eds.” Richie whined, pulling at Eddie’s already tender heartstrings. “I’ll promise to win you one of those overstuffed teddy bears and I won’t even laugh when you can’t carry it!” 

He should have said no. Should have looked right up into those big brown magnified eyes and declined the offer, just like the little voice in his head told him to. His entire body ached, tired and worn from emotional distress he had been experiencing since the late night phone call. It wasn’t healthy, leaning on someone who had no intentions on returning the affection he carried. If Bill had taught him anything it was that one way relationships only lead to dead ends. And yet as he watched the trashmouth patiently wait for his reply, his heart answered for him. 

“Fine.” 

\----

“You said you wouldn’t laugh!” 

The whininess only made the trashmouth’s chuckles intensify. It had been so easy to fall into lull that was their relationship. The dirty jokes, the witty comebacks, it all felt so comforting. Just being beside him made everything brighter, funnier, all together better. Although there was some tension, it went ignored as he made good on his promise….well one of them anyways. “I just can’t help it Eds, you look so cute with that giant bear on your back!” 

Eddie looked away, a noticeable blush creeping up his neck as he grumbled something under his breath. The legs of the utterly ridiculous sized bear dragged on the lolinum as they walked through the hallway, empty offices passing by them while they progressed. Every now and then a nurse or doctor would pass and nod, sometimes commenting on the bear that the doctor had strong on his back. Richie felt out of place, never having been on this floor before and yet it was as if every eye was watching him. They neared a door, and Eddie had to flop the stuffed animal onto the floor in order to pull out his keys. 

“I can’t believe I’ve never been in your office before.” Richie commented, watching his friend sort through the clinking metal in his hands.

“Not a lot of people have besides Mike and other employees.” He shrugged, sighing once the lock clicked and the door opened. “I hardly ever use it unless I’m pulling an all nighter.” 

“So not even Bill has been here?” 

Eddie glanced over to him with a weirded out look, reaching just inside to click on the light. “Uh, no. I guess he hasn’t.” Richie took in some satisfaction with this fact, his chest puffing out slightly out of stupid pride. “Like I said, I hardly ever use it.” 

“Well it’s a honor Dr. K! It’s a good place to stash Mr. Fluffington.” It sounded like a joke but to the trashmouth, it was some kind of honor to pass through the threshold of the room. The office itself was rather small, much smaller than his and Beverly’s own office at the station. The walls were bare, except for some genetic portraits of landscape. There was one couch, black and pleather large enough for one man, two if they squeezed. His desk and chair were on the far wall, papers scattered across the surface with a few framed pictures facing the swivel chair. All and all, it screamed Eddie. Simple, generic with a slight personal flare. 

“Mr. Fluffington?” Eddie repeated the name with a scoff. “What are you? Six?” 

“Only at heart.” Richie replied, smiling as the doctor threw the bear onto the couch. Eddie rolled his eyes, probably for the millionth time this afternoon alone and readjusted his askew clothes. “Besides, he totally looks like a Mr. Fluffington! I mean look at that face, it kind of reminds me of you actually.” Gasping dramatically he snapped his fingers, half spinning in place. “Dr. Fluffington!” 

This made Eddie giggle, ringing in Richie’s ears like church bells. Instinctively he internally begged for more, but as he opened his mouth a small voice brought their attention away from one another. “Dr. Kaspbrak? I’m sorry to bother you but I have kind of a off hand request.” 

It was a nurse, with green scrubs and blonde hair. She half smiled when Eddie glanced over to her, nodding in acknowledgement. “Miss Keene has been griping about condition, and I tried to tell her that you won’t be in until Monday but she saw you walking down the hall with-” There was a pause, recognition twinkling in her eye as she scanned Richie entirely. “Oh my god, you’re Trashmouth right? The guy from the radio! How do you know the doctor-oh….OH….” Richie cringed, knowing what was coming next before the girlish squeal that came out of the womans mouth. “You’re doctor sexy! I knew it! I told Brenda it was you but she said it was the doctor from radiology and I said no way, Dr. Kaspbrak is way more attractive than him and the sexual prowess you have alone I knew you were the one-”

“Alright.” Eddie groaned, rubbing his face in annoyance. “Yeah, this fucking sucks.” He glanced at Richie, giving him the such a stink eye that it could be smelt across the room. “I’ll go and see Miss Keene, Carol please lead the way and Richie-” His finger was pointed to the trashmouth, words failing him for just a moment before he continued. “Don’t touch anything.” 

“You got it doc.” He replied happily, saluting with two fingers. The nurse giggled, the sound not nearly as sweet as Eddies, and lead the doctor out the door with a slight hop in her step. If looks could kill, Carol would have been six feet under. That left the trashmouth in the empty room, shifting at the silence. 

Without really thinking he headed to the desk, sitting down on the surprisingly uncomfortable chair all the while bitching about it. Glancing up he noticed the pictures, and his attention was immediately captured. With a wide grin he reached for the closest one, looking at the faces of his two newest friends. It must have been taken at their graduation, both Mike and Eddie wearing cap and grounds as well as happy smiles with their hands around one another. Setting that down he moved to the next one, the worn paper looking as if it had seen better days. It was of a man and a child, the young boy holding an oversized bat as what Richie assumed was the father looked at him with pride. Richie’s heart fluttered, recognizing the kids face as Eddie’s. It had been mentioned that Eddie’s father had died which meant this was a rare glimpse of the doctors past life. 

The last frame caught his attention from the corner of his eye, it was a picture of Bill and Eddie assumingly from college. Eddie was looking up to his friend, love and admiration in his eyes as Bill was mid laugh. Normally Richie would just scoff and move on but there was a stirp of cheap paper taped onto the frame. It was recognizable because he himself had the matching half stuck in the corner of his bedroom mirror. They had taken it in a photo booth at the pier, during a day out with all of their friends. It had been Richie's request, noticing the way Eddie awkwardly watched Stan and Bill interact but surprisingly the doctor had really taken a liking to the activity. Each frame had their faces twisted into various stupid ways, except the last one which was Richie surprising Eddie with a kiss onto his cheek. 

He had thought Eddie had tossed it that very day, had been sure of it until now. There was a feeling deep in his gut, a heavy and grounding feeling keeping him from floating away. It was such a sentimental thing, which was so unlike Eddie. Licking his lips he put down the picture, trying his best to put it in the exact same place. He couldn’t stop his smile, couldn’t stop the flutter in his chest or the vibrations in his bones. 

Eddie walked through the door, closing it behind him with a grumble under his breath. “Well it’s offical, I’m now Doctor Sexy to the entire hospital. God, Monday is really going to fucking suck.” Glancing up at Richie he added, “Thank you for that by the way, now I’m the laughing stock of this entire place.” 

Richie had a joke for that, but couldn’t force it past his tongue. His sense of humor died under the pressure of Eddie’s eyes and the strip of pictures that stared back at him. Running his hands through his fingers he let out a hot breath, trying to keep the emotion that was clawing at his chest down. Eddie noticed this, crossing the small room and standing before him at the front of the desk. “What’s wrong Rich?” He asked, so softly that it was almost lost. 

“Do you ever think about us?” 

Eddie blinked, “W-what?” 

“I mean, like what it would have been like if we didn’t-you know-” Richie couldn’t even look at his friend his eyes fixated past him. “If we would have met on our own, without the whole BIll and Stan thing. Do you ever think we could have actually made it?” 

“We hated each other.” Eddie choked out, “That night, we agreed that we weren't interested-”

“Because we were so blinded by unacquainted love that we couldn't actually see one another. What if there was no Bill or Stan or love triangle. Do you think we would have-” Richie stopped himself, the words caught in his throat. Forcing it out, the burn it caused in his throat made him cringe. “We were good right? When we were together we were g-good.” 

Eddie sighed, his own gaze now onto the floor. “What are you wanting from me here? What do I say to that? Were we good?” He laughed, it was hollow and awkward but it was enough to eat away at Richie’s sanity. “Yes, the sex was good. Fuck, it was the best I’ve ever had, I haven't had sex since-and I-I-why does it matter? It was just sex, no connections and we stopped after Beverly’s engagement party months ago.”

Richie swallowed the hurt in Eddie’s tone, doing his best to keep his own emotions at bay. “I haven't had sex with anyone else either-not that it matters or anything but I just-” God, when did things become so hard to breathe? “Is that all were were good at? Sex? I mean was there anything else to it, did you feel anything else?” 

“Did I feel anything else?” Eddie repeated rather bitterly, “Jesus Christ Richie, what the hell?” 

“Sorry.” Richie sputtered, holding up his hands in defense and standing. “I didn’t mean to make you angry I was just-”

“Just what? Throwing salt into my wounds?” The doctor asked sharply, “I mean I know you were shitfaced but I assumed you retained some of our conversation the other day. Are you making fun of me is that it?” 

“No Eds, I just-”

“Because out of all the fucking people I know, you would have been the last person I thought would do that.” Tears were welding up in Eddie’s eyes now, his chest rhythm faulting. “You don’t get to poke fun at my feelings, okay? Everyone does but you don’t get to do that. Not anymore.” 

“Eddie, please stop.” Richie begged, walking around the desk. “I wasn’t making fun of you.” 

“You should leave.” 

Panic overcame the trashmouth, “What? No, come on. I’m sorry okay? Just forget I said anything, we can go back to the festival and I can get you one of those funnel cakes you like so much and we can-”

“Richie.” Eddie breathed, placing his hands on his hip, stifling a sniffle. “Just go.” They stood there for a second, looking at one another and taking in how broken they looked. It was like looking into a mirror and Richie knew any chance he had ever had with the doctor was dying onto the carpet between them. 

With how own tears filling his vision, Richie nodded, brushing past his friend and heading for the door. He didn’t look back, mostly because he couldn’t. He walked down the hall the same way they had came, his leg feeling like lead. People passed, their faceless presence not registering with him as he walked out onto the festival grounds towards his booth. His feet were guiding him at his point, his brain on autopilot which is why he almost missed Stan walking past him with his face twisted into a painful look. 

“Stan?” He yelled at the quick figure, “Hey, Stan!” But the man didn't stop, practically running towards the parking lot. Bill was following, at a slower pace and instinctively Richie stopped him with a firm hand on his shoulder. “Woah there big boy, wait just one moment.”

“Leave me the fuck alone.” Bill hissed, pulling away from the stern grasp. 

“What did you do?” Richie growled, his emotional turmoil shifting. When Bill didn’t answer he squared up. “What the fuck did you do Denbrough?”

“Nothing!” 

“Then why is he running away from you huh?” He pressed, stepping into the lanky mans space. “What. Did. You. Do.” The answer though, was not something he was not prepared for. 

“I asked him to marry me.”


	13. What Doesn't Kill You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***unedited**** I regret nothing.......NOTHING!!!!

The night has seemingly swallowed him whole. All that was left was an empty vessel wondering around the town, his instincts leading him without his mind registering the route. His car hummed a familiar tune, the city flying by his drivers side window as the past fadd in the rearview mirror. It was truly beautiful out, the stars hanging in the sky like far away lights, bright and untouchable like so much he had grown to know. He had lived in New York for years, but never had he seen the night decorated with such a masterpiece. It was like every dying star had come out just to see him tonight. Tonight of all nights, on the night he felt so utterly alone. 

Pulling off the paved road he began to drive along a less traveled route, the gravel digging into his new wheels and fling up in puffs behind him. The rest of the evening had unfolded quickly, one minute he was standing in his office with Richie, the next he wasn’t. His heart was left beating on that shitty carpet, leaving another stain that would blend into the dark coloring. Honestly, he was unsure why he felt so betrayed. Rejection was something that he had become accustomed to, weather it was from his Mother, his lovers or those he actually cared about so why did it feel like he couldn’t breathe? 

His fingers ran themselves through his mess of hair, catching knots between the gaps. The air in his lungs deflated, and he leaned the majority of his weight into the back of his seat. There was no more contact after his outburst, not between him and Richie or the others at the festival. An Uber had swung by on his command and taken him to an too empty home. It had taken exactly ten minutes for him to realize that he had to get out, to just run away and not look back. Even if it was for a few hours, Eddie was off of the reservation. 

He pulled into an almost empty parking lot, if it could even be considered so. The tree line met the gravel, giving way to the overgrown vegetation. There was exactly one other car in the area, a familiar one that he wished away the moment he saw it. Killing the engine he sighed, slamming his hand against the wheel in a mixture of anger and disappointment. He had come here to be alone, but it looked like he was about to get some company. Sitting there he debated on leaving, he hadn’t been seen yet it would be easy to just to up and leave.

But this was his place. 

And he needed it so much tonight. 

Groaning he forced himself out, grumbling things under his breath that would make his mother scream. Knowing his way he began down the unseen path, taking his time and enjoying the brush that grazed his pant legs. It smelled so fresh this far out of town, the smog and pollution not reaching here. Taking in a deep breath he savored it, worshiped the way it soothed his jitters. It didn’t take long to reach the small clearing, which is where the world gave up the universe to those who were so lucky to find it. You could see the entire city, the lights and everything but at the same time you could see the sky, the colors of the night that danced with one another and left the result of that tango in the heavens. Eddie wasn’t sure when he had found this piece of paradise, or how but he knew the last time he had been here like it had been burned into his cerablem. 

There on the old log sat the owner of the blue Jeep that was parked beside his own car, his face buried in his hands and his shoulders slumped. Clearing his throat he asked, “I’m surprised you still know how to get here. It’s been what? Four or so years?” 

Blue eyes looked up, tears and red veins tainting the whiteness, for a moment Eddie’s stomach dropped, sympathy clogging his throat. Bill forced a false grin, wiping at his face as he turned back towards the brilliant view. “What are you doing here? Stalker much?” It was said in a teasing way, but the words sounded much sharper than intended. 

“Caught me.” Eddie joked, rolling his eyes. “Last time I checked this was my place, I was the one to bring you here not the other way around.” 

“Ah yes, how could I forget our wrestling match in the leaves.” Bill smiled, scoffing at his feet. “Well I guess wrestling is a bit of a stretch isn’t it?” 

Eddie didn’t say anything, couldn’t say anything as he took the other seat beside his friend. The air between them was thick and tangible, ruining the scene before them. There was a question that needed to be asked, an answer that they both knew. Still, neither of them wished to press the other which is why the tension grew until it was almost unbearable. 

Bill groaned, biting his bottom lip and fidgeting with his fingers. “He said no.” he muttered, but mostly to himself. “I asked and he said-” The rest never came, overcome by a choking in his throat. 

“I’m sorry Bill.” Eddie replied honestly. “I really am.” 

“He said it wasn’t me, that I wasn’t the problem. Said that there were things he still wanted to do, like become partner at his work and travel as if I didn’t want those things too. I would do anything for him, all he had to do was ask.” Bill blurted out, slurring slightly form his whimers. “I fucking loved him how could he just dismiss me like that?” 

Eddie couldn’t stifle the smile that came from the hypricatal comment, realizing the mirroring image that sat beside him. “Isn’t that poetic.” The comment slipped between his teeth, coming out even against his best attempts to keep it down. He flinched, cowering at his own rude words. “Sorry, I didn’t mean-”

“No, I get it.” Bill interrupted, “I deserved that.” 

Another comment came to mind, but this time it died in his chest due to the hateful nature. Fidgeting awkwardly he replied, “Look, I’m not exactly an expert here, nor do I know the in’s and out’s of your relationship but it sounds like Stan just wasn’t ready. Maybe you just need to talk to him about this, about everything. This doesn’t have to be the end this way, only if that’s what either of you want.” 

“You don’t understand, you didn’t see the way he looked at me.” 

“Maybe I don’t understand.” Eddie shrugged, looking upward towards the sky for some kind of help. “What do I know about love? Fuck, the only people I have ever loved never loved me back. I know I should say something helpful here because we are friends but I don’t know what to say.” And he didn’t, he himself had been turned down twice at the most basic level. Love, lust, it was all just kind of sick game that Eddie couldn’t win at no matter how hard he played. Bill shuttered, rubbing his sweaty palms against his jeans and looking at his friend sideways. Eddie refused to meet his gaze, feeling the burning that his eyes left against his skin

“Do you ever think that we missed our chance?” 

Eddie scoffed, “Jesus, what is with everyone wanting to dig up the past today?” 

“No, I’m serious.” Bill interjected, nudging Eddie’s shoulder with his own. “Do you ever think about that night, about what we had said about our future and our relationship? Do you ever think that we got it all wrong?” 

“Well if memory serves you were the one to break it off, not me.” Eddie corrected, shivering at their sudden closeness. “And we were just kids, you found Stan and I found-” A name teatered at the tip of his tongue, wanting to take the plunge but refused to take the step. “My work, you weren't in love with me.” 

“But you were in love with me.” Bill seemingly pressed, “Right?” 

Eddie smirked to himself, chewing on his bottom lip he couldn’t stop the rumble in his chest that came from the amused chuckle within him. “Yeah, you’re right. I was. We’ve known each other for our entire lives, somewhere along the line I guess I just-” He raised his hands, waving them in an awkward way, gesturing the flow of time. “Fell. Life is weird that way you know? Sometimes you just fall for the wrong people, it happens so fast that you are so helpless. One minute you are standing there, minding your own business and the next you are head over heels in love with someone who won’t even take the time out of their day to look your way.” His heart ached, his bones buzzed and his stomach dropped. Fucking christ he was so stupid. 

“I’m sorry you know.” Bill replied, bringing Eddie’s head above water. “For what I’ve done to you, the way I’ve strung you along. You are my best friend, you always have been Eddie, you are such a god man. It’s selfish and stupid but I couldn’t lose you, not after everything we’ve been through. I know I’ve done some real shitty things in my life but what I’ve done to you is the shittiest. Be honest, how are you even still friends with me? With the way I’ve treated you, the way I’ve acted, why did you stay?” 

Eddie debated his answer, not really knowing the reason himself. Sucking in air violently he said the only thing that came to mind, “Because I’m a punching bag Bill, I take the hits and then swing back for more. I was like that with my mother, with my college roommate and with you. I know that's not what you want to hear, and it’s not what I want to say but it’s the truth.” 

“Eddie, I’m so so-”

“Don’t be.” He cut, shaking his head. “You don’t need to be sorry anymore. I’m over it, over all of it. Like we’ve established, you are with Stan and that’s great but-” Whatever there was left of his sentence faded as warm lips pressed against his own, a hand grasping his cheek as to pull his face towards and another one on the scruff of his neck. It was quick and harsh, not unlike the kisses he had received before but there was something else behind it, something desperate and primal that gnawed its way under Eddie’s skin. Instinctively he pulled away, a gasp catching in the back of his throat as he looked into the blue abyss that he had drowned in not so long ago. He expected to feel a pull at his heartstrings, a want in his gut but there was…...nothing. For the first time in his life Eddie Kaspbrak was given exactly what he had wanted, presented on a pristine platter and he felt nothing. 

“What?” Bill whispered, the hand that was on Eddie’s cheek disappearing leaving a cold spot. “Did I-did I do something wrong.” 

Eddie nodded, pulling away from the grip on the back of his neck. “I’m not in love you anymore.” He whispered back, the words just as freeing as they sounded. The chains on his wrists broke with their implications, the one grounding feeling he felt with Bill now fading by the second. “I can’t believe I said that, fuck I guess that bastard was right.” 

Bill blinked, rearing backwards for a second as if he had been slapped across the face. His mouth gaped open, a small squeak dripping from his lips. “What do you mean you aren’t in love with me anymore? Who was right? I just-what?” 

“Richie told me once that he hoped that one day we would wake up and no longer be in love, that it would just disappear without us knowing it and he was right. I’m not in love with you anymore, not even a little and I didn’t even realize it until you-” There was no stopping the laugh, the hearty, light laugh that erupted deep in him as the weight of the world lifted. “Fucking christ, that idiot got it all right.” 

“Richie?” Bill repeated the name, sounding sharp. “Is that what this is about? Are you-do you-with Richie?” 

“I don’t know.” Eddie breathed, biting his lip as his heart skipped in his chest. “Maybe? Maybe not, we haven't really talked-it’s complicated and I’m not sure-if I-” Without missing a beat he stood, swaying slightly as his head rushed with a sudden, demanding emotion. “I’ve got to go, I’m sorry about you and Stan and I hope you two figure it out but I’ve got to-”

“Go ahead.” Bill said softly, rubbing the back of his head and smirking. There was no harshness in his tone, no defeated whine in his words but rather coming out in an understanding way. He stood, shuffling a little as he added, “I hope he makes you happy, I really do. Whatever you decided to do, please make sure you’re happy….you deserve it.” 

“Thank you.” Eddie replied softly, stepping forward and pulling his much taller friend into an embrace. It was just as warm as the kiss, but so much more tender and caring. The past faded behind them, the angst and heartbreak washing away leaving two childhood friends who only wanted the best for one another.

And for the first time in Eddie’s life he knew that the best for him, didn’t include Bill. 

\---

“Sorry I can’t come to the phone right now, leave your name and number and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.” 

“Stan, this is the third message.” Richie sighed, his socks dragging themselves against the stained rug under his feet. “I just want to make sure that you are okay, you left so fast that I was worried-look just call me back okay? Please?” Ending the call he groaned, staring at the screen much longer than necessary, watching the screen fade back to his background. Internally he debated on making another phone call, on reaching out to the other staple in his life but for the life of him he couldn’t muster the courage to even pull up the contact. Shamefully he sighed and stuffed the device into his back pocket, rubbing the bridge of his nose and cursing under his breath. There was a knock at his door, an annoying sound that forced him back into the real world. He ignored the visitor, instead sitting on the couch and running his hands through his already messy hair. It was quiet for a moment but then, 

BANG BANG BANG

“What the fuck!” Richie hissed, storming over to the threshold in two long strides. “What in the hell is wrong with-” Swinging the door open he stopped just short of punching the person in the face, looking down at bright doe eyes that made his breath hitch. “I-uh-Eddie what are you doing-”

“To answer your question there is a lot wrong with me, and I’m sorry for the noise but I was at your other place and you weren't there so-” Eddie pushed past him without being welcomed in, ducking a little to avoid Richie’s arm. “I had to make sure that you weren't just avoiding me. Which I wouldn’t really know why you would but I guess I’m just paranoid like that.” 

“Okay...wait...huh?” The trashmouth gapped, shutting the door and turning towards his friend. Eddie looked a little disorganized, still wearing the clothes he had earlier except he looked less put together. His hair was pushed to one side, most likely done by his own hand, his lips pursed and chapped his eyes just as wild as the first time they had sex. The rise and fall of his chest was irregular and labored, the smile on his face crooked and concerning. “You went to my new apartment?”

“Yeah I thought you would be there.” Eddie explained, “You said you were moving this weekend so I figured-you know what? It doesn’t even matter.” 

“Okay?” 

“What matter is that I found you.” The doctor smiled, sending Richie’s heart into his throat. “I fucking found you and now I don’t know what to say.” There was a chuckle that followed, sounding just as uncertain as Eddie looked. “Jesus, when did talking to you get this hard?” 

“Probably somewhere between the sex and scandal we created.” Richie joked, mostly to himself. Surprisingly Eddie laughed, actually laughed at the pathetic attempt at a joke. “Did you hit your head? That wasn’t even funny.” 

Eddie’s hand swept over his lips, a subtle shiver running through him. “Yeah I know, I guess I’m just nervous.” 

“About what?” Richie pressed, his brow furrowing in concern. Taking a cautious step forward he felt his heart swell in his chest. “What’s got you on the run Kaspbrak?” 

Eddie shuffled his feet awkwardly, staring at the space between them. “So after we-uh-talked today I went on a drive and ended up at my secret spot.” 

“Oh you mean the secret spot that you refuse to take me?”

“Yeah,” The doctor smirked, “that’s the one. So I went there thinking it would help to clear my head and I found Bill already there.” Richie stiffened, biting down on his lip so hard that he tasted the copper. “I guess he asked Stan to marry him and he freaked out and ran off? I bet you know more about that than me and if you don’t, hey by the way-” Making a vague gesture with his hands he laughed again, and again it sounded just as strange. Bouncing on the ball of his feet the words came tumbling down. “There you go. So Bill was there and we got to talking and he asked me if I think we missed our shot and I can’t really remember what I said and then he was kissing me and-”

“Woah, hold on.” Richie stammered, cutting off Eddie’s rambling. “Bill kissed you?” 

“Yeah, he did and you know what? I felt nothing.” Eddie sighed heavily, looking up and meeting Richie's surprised gaze. The air was becoming tangible between them, so think that it was nearly suffocating. Richie could feel his throat dry up, his own voice failing him, forcing him to wait until Eddie decided to continue. “You were right, I don’t love him anymore. Whatever there was between the two of us, the tension and feelings, they’re gone. Just like that.” 

“That’s great.” Richie said honestly, his head buzzing with confusion. “Really Eds, that’s fucking great.” 

“I know.” Eddie said, his smile widening. “And I came here to tell you that because I realized that you were the reason my feelings for Bill vanished. Somewhere between the bungee jumping and the dinners and the new friends I guess I finally woke up.” 

“What are you saying?” Richie choked, his lungs nearly collapsing on themselves. “I don’t understand.” Nervously he readjusted the glasses that had began to slide down his nose, sweat pooling at the small of his back. 

Eddie took in a deep breath, holding it for a few moment before allowing it to wash over Richie like a title wave of lavender and nervousness. “I guess what I’m saying is-”

There was a blaring ringtone coming from Richie’s ass pocket, the vibration catching him off guard, making him jump. He cursed, pulling the device out and staring at the familiar face that stared back at him. “Fuck.” The trashmouth groaned, “It’s Stan, I’m sorry Eds. I’ve been trying to get hold of him all night and-”

“Answer it.” Eddie cut, his smile faltering for a moment before transforming into something forced. “It’s fine, I know he’s probably upset and needs you. Not a big deal.”

But Richie knew it was a huge deal, a colossal deal that teetered on the edge of travesty. “If it was another time I swear I wouldn’t-I’m just worried and he had ran off during the festival and I have to-”

“Richie .” Eddie sighed, shaking his head. “Go ahead.” 

“Okay, just hold on. I’ll only be one minute.” The doctor nodded, turning away and strolling over to the couch casually. Richie watched him take a seat before moving his attention back to the call in his hand. Closing his eyes he pressed the green button, his voice raspy and full of emotion. “H-Hello?” 

“Rich.” Stan whispered into the receiver, his voice broken and small. 

“Stan? Fuck are you okay? I’ve been trying to call you, I wanted to make sure you were-” 

“Can you come over?” He asked, the neediness in his words forcing the trashmouths stomach to the floor. “I really need you right now. Bill won’t answer his phone and I’m so fucking scared right now and I just-I need you Richie.” 

“Right now?” Richie whined, glancing back towards his guest for a second. “Look, I’m kind of in the middle of something right now and-”

“Please?” He begged, “I think I fucked up and I need you.” 

Richie’s grip on the phone tightened, “Alright.” He forced, the hiccup and sniffle on the other side of the line making his entire body stiffen. “I’m on my way.” 

“Thank you Richie.” The trashmouth ended the phone call, standing there dumbfounded at his own stupidity. He felt torn between the man in his living room and the other one miles away. Obligation was never something he considered, but now he was worried where he truly stood. Like a lost puppy, he came when beckoned by the man who still held his heart. 

“You’re going to him aren’t you?” 

The voice was soft, so soft that Richie almost didn’t catch the judgment in his tone. Squeezing his eyes shut he turned around to face the standing man in his almost empty living room. “I promise I’ll be right back Eds, five minutes tops.” 

Eddie ran his fingers through his hair, muttering something unheard under his breath. “Okay, sure I understand. Stan is important and he needs you, you should go to him.” The sentiment was there, masked by unspoken emotion. “This is your chance to be there for him when it matters.” 

Richie wanted to scream in frustration, his stomach knotting and heart pounding. “Stay here. Just stay here and I’ll be back before you know it. This conversation isn’t over okay? It’s just paused.” 

“Sure.” 

“I’m serious, stay here. Cable is still hooked up and there isn’t much in the fridge but whatever is in there is yours...just stay here Eds. Please.” He begged, picking up his keys from their place on the countertop. “Stay.” 

“Okay Richie.” Eddie replied without emotion.

The trashmouth left, rushing out the door and headed towards his past. Although there was no way for him to know, Eddie left exactly three minutes later. He had stood there momentarily, deciding that there was nothing left for him in that apartment, not a singlet thing was there keeping him in place. As he passed the threshold he knew he would never be back, knew that he would never allow himself run to someone who couldn’t give him the time of day. Eddie Kaspbrak deserved better, after all the heartbreak and self discovery, he deserved so much more than he was given and he realized that the moment Richie left. 

There was no going back now.


	14. So Long, So Late

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is unedited and completely stupid....enjoy.....

Richie learned about love three different times in his life. 

The first was the love for his parents, that unconditional feeling that comes with a mother and father. Now, Richie wouldn’t go so far as to say that the love was reciprocated but there was a small piece of him that hoped that somewhere between his fathers strong hand and his mothers endless bottle that they had held some sort of admiration for the son they never wanted. With bruises and broken glass, Richie learned that sometimes you loved those who hurt you the most. That although you felt a bubbling hatred under your skin every time they stumbled home you would still roll them over when you came across them face down in a puddle of their own vomit. His entire relationship with his parents left him with a sour taste in his mouth, making him bitter and jaded to those who dared to befriend him. 

Then there was Stan. At first he didn’t care much for him. They were pushed together by circumstance, friends through the horrible vines of highschool social statues. Richie wasn’t one hundred percent sure when they started to care for one another but when he had come across the only jewish boy in town being shoved into the dirty snow he had just snapped and ended up beaten to shit for it. It was there, laying in the crimson stained snow that he felt the slow burn of love’s flame, not knowing what it would eventually transform into. Stan had been his second love, but the first who Riche desperately wanted to love him back. During the entirety of their relationship the trashmouth made it a point to be there when he was needed, to help in anyway possible just to get an ounce of affection in return. When Stan was single he was single, when he was not Richie busied himself with faceless conquests. He figured that at some point Stan would see him, really see him and all that he had to offer but alas life decided to throw him a curve ball instead. 

That curve ball came barreling into his life at the absolute worst time. After being beaten down by Stan’s ongoing love he was determined to just wait it out, figuring that Stan would eventually ruin his own relationship just like he had down a thousand times. After one night of begging and badgering he agreed to go on a blind date with the man who was after Stan’s lovers heart, knowing that he was going as a favor rather than at his own will he put no effort whatsoever into impressing anyone. The man-as it turns out-was a ball of fury right out of the gate, shooting back with his quick wit and off the wall attitude. All in all, it was the worst date of Richie’s life but afterwards there was a impresion, a small valley that was beginning to create canyons along his skin. It started off simple enough, one primal need keeping them coming back time after time. Sex-plain and simple. Every encounter was rushed, every touch selfish and needy burning Richie to the core. It was a perfect agreement, until it wasn’t. 

All of a sudden it was like he was finally awake, like the past months of romping in the sheets had changed something inside of him. The Eddie he had been using for release suddenly transformed into person with feelings and emotions that Richie cared for, that he fought for. With sex completely removed they became close friends, closer than necessary. Richie wanted more, but was conflicted because he was still in love with Stan and he was sure Eddie was head over heels for Bill. Well, that’s what he had thought up until Eddie was standing in his living room with blown out pupils and labored breathing. 

Now here he was, standing in front of a door that he was unfamiliar with, his heart still laying on the dirty carpet of his old apartment. With a deep breath he knocked, his knuckles rapping against the door so softly he prayed it wouldn’t be heard .Within seconds the barrier was swung open, revealing a distraught Stan. “Wow,you look like shit.” Richie joked, knowing that there was a lingering truth in it all. 

The man before him chuckled, a raspy noise coming from his swollen lips. “Thanks for coming.” Stan muttered, moving aside to let Richie slip in. “I appreciate it.” 

Richie felt off instantly, the lingering presence of Bill sang songs that he never wanted to hear. This wasn’t a place for him, this was their home, a staple they had built together without him or anyone else. Richie didn’t belong and it showed when he turned to face his friend full force. “So what’s going on? What happened with-” He stopped when Stan began to weep, crumbling under an invisible weight. “Oh no, don’t cry. Please don’t cry.” Richie pleaded, instinctively reaching out for his friend, a need to protect overcoming him. “It’s going to be okay, I’m here. It’s okay.” 

“I fuh-fucked up.” Stan choked from Richie's chest. “B-Bill won’t answer my phone calls, he-he hasn’t come home and I-I’m scared he’s-he’s-” The rest of his words caught in his throat, coming out as broken sobs. Richie knew though, knew what he was so afraid of and the reality of it was almost too much. “I want to muh-marry him, I don’t know why I said no-I panicked and-and-and-”

“Calm down.” Richie coed, running a comforting hand down Stan’s spine, tightening his hold when the other man began to shiver. He knew he should spill the beans, knew that telling Stan about Eddie and Bills encounter would seal the deal and end the relationship but he lingered, faltering with indecisiveness. “If it’s meant to be then it’ll happen okay? You have to have faith that everything will turn out fine, that everything happens for a reason.” 

Stan hummed, the vibrations rumbling something loose in Richie's chest. “You’ve always been there for me.” He whispered in a voice that didn’t sound like his own. “After all this time, you are still the only person I can trust to be there when I need it.” The air around them became tainted with his words, their emotions turning into something completely different. It was tense for a moment, unspoken things hanging between them. “I want to ask why but I know why, I think I’ve known since I was laying with you in that bloody snow junior year of highschool.” Stan pulled back, looking up to the much taller Richie with curious eyes. It was like the rest of the world stalled out around them, stopping just so they could become completely bare before each other. 

Richie wanted to say something, anything to push them into the next moment-regardless what that was. He as naked and exposed, scared and thrilled at the same time. It was a whirlwind of emotion and yet there was a small voice in the back of his mind telling him things that bound him to what awaited him in the other apartment. Slowly Stan leaned in, brushing his lips against Richie’s sending sparks though the point of contact. A second skipped by and then they were connected again, all the things that had been building through the years coming forth all at once. 

Their lips moved together, sloppy exploring what had been there all along. Stepping backwards Richie’s calfs found the couch and he was forced to sit down. Once they broke apart Stan took the opportunity to climb on top, straddling his hips and running his elegant fingers through his curls. The heat from his breath fogged up Richie’s glasses, making him visually impaired. “Richie.” Stan whined, allowing the other man to slip their hands under his shirt and explore the skin there. “Oh god Richie.” 

It was overwhelming to say the least, everything he ever wanted crashing into him so quickly it was making his head spin. Lips moved to the where his neck connected to his shoulder, sucking at the tender flesh. Richie couldn’t think, couldn’t even move as wave after wave of pleasure poured in making him almost lose it. A moan rumbled in his chest, coming out low and strained. Without permission a name dripped from the corners of his mouth, falling to the floor with the grace of a baby bird, ruining everything. 

“Eddie.” 

It all stopped, the touching, the grinding, the kissing. Stan pulled off of him, gaping down with surprise and wonder. Richie couldn't believe it himself, astonished that the name had come in the heat of the moment. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I-”

Stan started laughing, actually laughing as he fell to the side and off of Richie entirely. “Wow, just wow.” There was no harshness, no anger or frustration but rather amusement and it flowed along to Richie as well and soon they were both in a fit. “That was the last thing I expected, honestly what the fuck Rich?” 

Richie shook his head, a weight lifting from his shoulders making him light and free. “It just came out, after all this time it just-” He sighed, smiling to himself because when pushed came to shove his heart had already chosen from him. “Fucking christ.” 

Their laughter died down, and what was left was two friends with aching holes in their chest. “So Eddie huh?” Stan muttered, shooting Richie a sideways grin. “I thought you two hated each other, thought you were just in it for he sex.” 

“So did I.” 

“Well how about that.” 

“Right?” Richie snorted, leaning his head against the back of the couch and rubbing his temples. “That sonofabitch dug his hooks right into me and now-” There was a vague gesture to himself, telling the obvious story that they both knew. “It’s stupid right? This entire thing is stupid.” 

“Is it?” Stan pressed, turning so that he was fully facing his friend. “I mean honestly, how long did you think you were going to be able to fool around without any emotions?” 

“Forever?”

“You were always a little behind when it came to these things.” Stan playfully poked, rolling his eyes. “Though after tonight I believe I’m just as bad as you.” 

“No, not really.” Richie muttered, chewing on the inside of his cheek and lifting his head up. “You didn’t leave the person you love standing in your front room so you could go console your old flame did you?” 

“What?” 

“Yeah, Eddie came to the apartment ready telling me how he didn’t love Bill anymore and how it was all because of me and then you called and I just-” He paused, guilt dragging it’s long nails across his chest. This was a fucking mess, a huge fucking disaster and it there was no one to blame but himself. “Left.” Richie finished softly. 

“What are you still doing here then?” Stan asked sharply, kicking at Richie’s thigh. “You’ve got a guy who is head over heels for you and you’re choosing to stay here and chat?” There was a playfulness and yet it sounded like he was pleading Richie, telling him to not make the same mistake twice and for once in his life the trashmouth knew he needed to listen. “Go and get him.” 

Richie did just that, leaving Stan’s apartment in a sprint. Breaking every law possible, he made it to the apartment in six minutes flat and it was a wonder how it hadn’t ended up in a police chase. With his heart full and head clear he took the stairs two at a time, making it to the third floor in record time. He was already speaking when he burst in, a name begging for an answer that never came. 

It never came because the place was empty, and Richie would never know that it had been like that merely minutes after he had left. 

\----

Eddie couldn’t go home. 

Home was filled with memories and feelings, with all the things he never wanted to see ever again. Instead he went to the one place he knew could heal the open wounds that were bleeding all over his leather seats. The one place that would accept him as a broken piece and help him glue the shards back together. He didn’t need to knock because as per usual, Mike just knew. 

Sitting on the couch, Eddie watched Mike make a competle fuss over him. There was tea and cookies, fuzzy blankets and soft pillows, all the things that would usually help him but now seemed to make his heart ache even more. This wasn’t just a bad break up, it was a complete disaster that left him charred and alone. When Mike pressed it all came out, like vomit that just wouldn’t stop. 

“So he just left?” Mike asked, sounding completely taken aback. “And expected you to what? Wait?” 

“I guess.” Eddie confessed, sounding just as deflated as he felt. “I don’t know, I just couldn’t stand being in that room anymore. I had to go, had to just leave.” 

“I don’t blame you, how you’ve even made it this far I will never know. I would have just given up after blowing him in Ben’s bathroom.” It was fun and light but the reality of his words were there, plain and simple. “I’m sorry it turned out like this Eddie, I really am. I was hoping Richie would come to his senses and sweep you off your feet but I guess he’s just an idiot who can’t see what a catch you are.” 

“Am I?” Eddie muttered under his breath, “I mean first Nick then Bill and now Richie? What’s wrong with me Mike?” 

“Nothing is wrong with you!” 

“Then why is it that not a single fucking person cares enough to choose me! Why am I always the one who ends up fucked over? Is there a science to this love thing that I just can’t seem to get down or am I just that unlovable that people who get to really know me decide that I’m just not worth the time of day?” There were tears trailing down his face, burning a forever path there but he didn’t dare to touch them because he knew that once he acknowledged that they were there it would all come crashing down. “I want to be loved, is that so wrong? I want someone who will put me first, who will do whatever it takes to be with me. Just for once I want to have someone need me like I need them.” 

“Eddie-” 

“I’m a fucking walking talking disaster, all I’m good at is screwing just ask Bill and Richie!” The names came out in agony, making his voice crack. “I can’t do this anymore-I can’t-can’t-” 

“Alright.” Mike sothed, pulling his friend to his chest and sighing. “Just breathe, calm down you are going to give yourself a panic attack.” 

“I’m so tired of being a second choice.” He whimpered pathetically into Mike’s shirt. “I don’t know what to do anymore.” 

“You need to do what’s best for you Eddie.” Mike replied firmly, rubbing the doctors back for comfort. “You deserve to have all those things, all of it do you hear me? I want nothing short of a great love story for you and I’m sorry you’ve had to go through all of this.” 

“I think I want to leave, to just run away from all of this history and start over.” Eddie admitted in that moment, feeling his chest sink at the confession. Everything he had was here, in this city. Mike, Ben, Beverly, all of them lived within a fifteen minute drive of him. What would he do if he couldn’t go to them at any moment and yet the thought of leaving all of the bad was so absolutely endearing. “I know they offered me a full time position at the hospital after my residency but I don’t know if I want it anymore.” 

“Then leave.” Mike replied, making Eddie reared back in surprise. “I know you’ve had offers in Chicago and Denver and fucking christ, Toronto. I think that if this is what you really want then you should do what is best for you and only you. Forget about me or Beverly or anyone else, think about yourself for once Eddie otherwise you are never going to be happy.” 

“Mike, I don’t know if-”

“Eddie listen to me.” Mike cut, leaving no room for argument. “If you want to move, then move. I can visit, Ben and Beverly will no doubt have a show or job site wherever you end up so don’t worry about us. Be selfish, be angry, be you. Take what you want and feel no shame. You deserve it.” 

“I deserve it.” Eddie repeated, nodding his head as a sense of self worth began to fill his belly making him warm and eerily calm. Mike agreed, laughing at the look that now made a home in his friends eyes. “I do deserve it.” 

“Damn right.” 

“There’s just one thing I need to do first.” 

“Eddie-”

“Don’t worry, it’s completely stupid and selfish.” 

Mike only smiled, knowing there was no stopping the rolling stone now. “I hope so.”


	15. One Last Time

“Eddie, yeah hey-uh-look I don’t know where you went but I think we need to talk so call me back or-yeah call me back.” 

Click.

Dial.

Ring.

“Hey it’s Eddie, I can’t get to the phone right now so just leave-”

“Oh, come on!” Richie hissed, ending the call instead of leaving his tenth voicemail. His feet carried him though the apartment, dragging his heart along behind him. Everything hurt, the emotional turmoil causing physical pain onto his body. His feet ached, his chest was tight, even his fingers were sore from holding onto his cellphone so aggressively. TIme was irrelevant, meaningless even as he stared at his phone and prayed for some kind of miracle. 

Richie had done some selfish things in his life, some down right atrocities but nothing compared to this-to what he did to his Eddie. How could he have been so blind, so stupid to let it get this far. The man of his dreams shows up at his doorstep, dripping with affection and pride and what does he do? Turn him away? For what? For a man who couldn’t give a time of day for him, who only wanted him when all else had failed? What in the fucking hell was wrong with him?

Eventually his legs gave in, forcing Richie to collapse onto his sofa. It was like everything was crumbling around him, the walls melting and earth shaking. It had been so long since he had left, hours probably and still all Richie could do was replay the moment he had told Eddie that he was going to Stan. The fall in the face, the forced smile, the encouragement that that had gnawed at Richie’s sin. It was wrong then and it was wrong now. 

Fuck.

In the end, none of this was Eddie’s fault. The doctor had done everything under the sun to get Richie to open his eyes, had offered up his own soul up and still the idiot trashomouth had shoved it right back down his throat. The fair, the flirty comments, the bungee jumping, all of it was leading to this and now that it was here, it was all so wrong. 

Richie deserved this. All of this and more. If God himself came to earth to strike him down it would still be too good for him. Maybe he should call up his friends, he was sure they would get a good kick out of this-hell they would probably come over to kick his ass ten times over. Well, maybe not Stan but Bev and Ben definitely. Bill for sure, Mike would just stare and Richie would implode from his immense disapproval. 

There was a knock. A knock so quiet that it was almost non existent. Still, Richie had heard it and he was on his feet so fast that he initially tripped, his face slamming into the ground before his hands could catch him. Gathering what he could of himself he staggered to the door, praying to every deity that it wasn’t just Bill coming to kick his ass for making out with his boyfriend. This was answered because there-standing right before with a messy shirt and disheveled hair-was Eddie Kaspbrak. 

Richie choked, whatever he was going to say halting on his tongue, burning a harsh brand on the tip. All that he could manage-though the disbelief and relief-was a small autiable speak. His heart was pounding, blood rushing in his ears, nerves standing on end as he just stared. Stared at the man he had bedded a thousand times, the man who had made every comment possible on his messy lifestyle, the man who had somehow made a home in his heart-one that had been vacant until now. 

It was Eddie who spoke first, his voice warry and thin. “Are you going to let me in?” 

“Y-Yes, of course.” Richie stuttered, “I’m sorry-I just wasn’t expecting-I mean fuck I didn’t know you were going to-” There was no end, mostly because he just didn’t know what else to say so instead he moved aside to let the doctor pass the threshold. Eddie nodded, taking the steps needed to enter the old apartment before standing still in the living room, his back turned away. Richie closed the door, listening to the click and shivering at his churning stomach. He watched Eddie, waiting for him to say something-anything. He expected an explosion, curses and tears, hate and vulgarity but there was none. Instead the doctor stared at the empty home, as if seeing it for the first time. The air was thick with unspoken emotion, the tension so tangible that Richie had to swim through it in order to say, “I’ve been trying to call you. I don’t know if you’ve been getting my messages but-” 

“No.” Eddie muttered, shimming off his jacket and tossing it carelessly to the floor. “I left my phone at Mikes.” 

“Mikes?” Richie repeated, scratching his scalp. “Is that where you went?” 

“Yep.” 

“Why?” He asked, as if he didn’t already know the answer. “I thought you were-” But he was cut off by fingers that reached out to him, pulling at the scruff of his shirt and pulling him down to Eddie’s swollen lips. Richie nearly jumped out of his skin, his brain fumbling with the sudden confusion and his hands finding Eddies shoulders as to pull him back. “What are you doing?” He sputtered out, his lungs replacing breath that had been stolen from him. 

Eddie looked up at him, his eyes blown and features dark. “I’m being selfish.” It came out in a hushed whisper, dripping from his lips so slowly that if he wanted the words could be caught in his palm. Want and need strung between them and this time when he pulled Richie down to him, there was no resistance and he was met with the same hunger that he gave. 

Richie willed himself to stop, he really did but with every kiss he became drunk-unable to resist the lust that began to build. Eddie pushed against him, forcing him to step back into the door-pinning him into place. A whimper slipped through him when Eddie pulled away from his lips, trailing kisses down his neck and across his exposed collarbone. Fingers trailed underneath his shirt, the cold touch making him jump. He didn't need to see Eddie to know that he was smirking, taking a sharp nibble from the tender flesh under him. The masterpiece that was being painted down Richie’s chest and stomach awoke every nerve there, electricity sparking from every calculated inch. It wasn’t like any other time they had fooled around, it was raw-demanding and so god damn frightening. 

Richie sucked in a sudden breath when Eddie’s fingers made their way to his belt, pulling on it a little too harshly. His cock twitched, anticipating Eddie’s fiery touch. There was a curse, an awkward fumble of fabric and brass but soon Richie found himself with his jeans and boxers around his ankles and his hands buried in Eddies curls as he lowered himself to his knees. Eddie didn’t take Richie into his mouth at first, instead teasingly grazing his inner thighs and placing butterfly kisses everywhere except where it mattered. This made the trashmouth tremble, completely helpless to the actions of a mad man. 

Suddenly Eddie shoved Richie all the way down his throat, taking his all of his length in one go. Richie could have sworn he blacked out, his knees nearly buckling and his hips surging forward. “F-Fuck.” He choked out, pulling on Eddie’s scalp so hard that it was undoubtedly painful. “Eddie.” 

This made the man below stop, pulling completely off and staring up at Richie with small tears pooling at the corner of his eyes. He was so beautiful then, so wrecked and soft and just...perfect. With a sharp tone, Eddie spoke. “Again.” 

“What?” Richie cooed, letting go of Eddie’s hair and wiping away a stray tear that had began it’s decent down his cheek. The spark it created sent shockwaves through Richie's spine. “Do what again?” 

“Say my name.” This time the words were soft, so deflated from the previous command. It was like a plea, like he was almost begging. “Please, say my name again.” 

“Eddie.” Richie whispered, dropping from his place against the door and lowering himself so that they were equal height. Gently he kissed Eddie’s lips, the touch short and sweet. “Eddie. Eddie. Eddie. Eddie.” The doctor sighed, leaning in to Richie’s touch and allowing the trashmouth to lead him he rest of the way. 

Richie said his name a thousand times that night, over and over again until his voice was hoarse and his lungs were on fire. They made love until dawn and with his last bit of consciousness he pulled Eddie close, whispering one final request into his ear before losing all sense of self. “Stay with me.” 

What he didn’t hear was Eddies reply. 

“No.” 

\-----

There was a pain in Eddie’s back, a sharp demand that he ignored completely. 

The sun hadn’t even risen yet, still hidden behind the city limits. As they drove though the streets a sense of sobriety washed over him, fear and uncertainty gnawing at the edge of his sanity. His bags were packed and shoved in the trunk, enough shit to keep him satisfied for two weeks of travel. With the hotels booked and the interviewed scheduled he was thankful for the distraction that all of this provided. Another ding came through his phone and he didn’t need to look to know who was trying to get ahold of him at four i the morning. Still he looked, almost praying that it was Beverly-pleading with him to come to his senses. 

-Richie: ‘Please talk to me Eds. I need you.’

Eddie snorted, sending the message away. He could feel Mike’s knowing gaze on him as he did so but his friend choose silence instead of interfering. It had been exactly twenty four hours since he had left Richie's apartment, having slithered away while the trashmouth was sleeping. The entire thing had been on an impulse, one last selfish drive that needed to be satisfied and honestly, it had been. Three times. 

But sex wasn’t just sex anymore, at least not for him and if he had learned anything over the past months it was that nothing came with no consequence. What had started with the simplest of intentions became entangled with feelings and emotions that Eddie didn’t know he still had. He had broken the number one rule, the one that Richie had set into place their first night. How could he have done this to himself? How could he have been so fucking stupid? It was Bill all over again, only this time Eddie decided that he deserved better. 

And better was what he was determined to find. 

“I can hear you thinking over there.” Mike muttered, rubbing his eye with one hand and holding onto his steering wheel with the other. “It’s an awful lot for four in the goddamn morning.” 

“Yeah well I’ve been given a lot to think about.” Eddie shot right back. “Four job interviews in two weeks, that’s some serious stress. Not to mention that they are in three different cities.” 

“You and I both know that’s not what you were thinking about.” Mike said, rolling his eyes and scoffing. Eddie shot daggers, making his friend reere back in defense, “Hey I’m just saying, one phone call couldn’t hurt. I mean you did screw and leave without so much of a note.” 

“Oh boohoo.” He mocked, making an exasperated hand gesture simulating an elusive sex act. “Give me a fucking break, this is the guy that left me high and dry on two-no wait three-separate occasions. Besides, you were the one who told me to be selfish.” 

“Yeah, but I expected you to go get drunk and blow some guy in the ally not have sex with the same man who-ugh you are impossible when you are like this Eddie, do you know that?” Mike growled, his sleep lacking state making him much more irritable than usual. Typically, this conversation would go much smoother, calmer even but after Eddie had showed up at his doorstep with a neck full of hickeys and a chunk of hair missing from the nape of his neck Mike had been rather blunt with his comments. “And you better have brought some oil based concealer to hide those fucking bruises, no one is going to hire you looking like you were attacked by a leech.” 

“I did okay?” Eddie sighed, giving in to his friend and lowering the gun that was misaimed and misplaced. “I’m sorry Mike. I really am, I know I’ve been a little bit of a handful-”

“A little bit?” Mike mocked, erasing the tension with a crack in his smile. “Eddie you have been a barreling mess of self destruction and chaotic disaster.” 

“Okay fair enough.” He chuckled, “Still, I am sorry for all of this.” 

“Hey, what are friends for? I would drive you to the airport anytime of the day, remember that.” There was a lot that Mike left out, like the fact that Eddie had cried nonstop for an hour after leaving Richie’s or that he had gotten so worked up that he had puked up his guts on Mike’s living room floor. It was true, Eddie was all of those things and more but with a new and a sense of self worth he had taken the first step in moving forward with his life, his career and so much more. “Just remember to eat before you board because I know how sick you can get on an empty stomach and call me when you land.” 

Eddie laughed, really laughed for the first time in days. “Okay mom, will do.” 

They pulled into JKF’s loading and unloading lane, right behind a light blue van that was letting off a bunch of tourists. Mike helped him gather his things, pulling him into a strong hug and saying the things that Eddie had refused to. When they pulled away Eddie was crying, much to his own disgust. 

“Hey none of that.” Mike tutted, “This is a good thing Eddie, remember that. Hey, just don’t forget me when you become some big shot out there okay?” It was a joke, a easy one but there was a break in Mikes voice that told Eddie that he was really frightened of it becoming ture. 

“You’re my best friend Mike, I couldn’t forget you even if I tried.” They hugged again and just like that Eddie was off. His phone turned onto airplane mode with three missed calls and four unread messages. Eddie didn’t bother with any it, maybe because he didn’t want to or maybe because he couldn’t. Either way he boarded along with the others refusing to look back. 

The past deserved to stay in the past, Eddie at least deserved that.


End file.
